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C-PTSD•Cognitive Dissonance•Gaslighting

Healing Your Cognitive Dissonance

cognitive dissonance and gaslighting
April 4, 2022 by Diane M. Metcalf, MS No Comments

Cognitive dissonance is a type of mental stress that results from struggling to correct that surreal feeling between what we know to be real, and what we are told is real. It is the crazy-making component of gaslighting and the biggest cause of C-PTSD. Cognitive dissonance is the confusion and mental discomfort you experience when you live with contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values. It indicates a state of living with continually opposing or conflicting viewpoints, beliefs, or behaviors. It’s usually the result of manipulation, and specifically of gaslighting. To restore emotional balance, the affected person must change (or remove) the inconsistencies and conflicts. Most of us do this on an ongoing basis, without conscious awareness.​

If you grew up in a narcissistic home you’ve probably experienced cognitive dissonance and have felt the resulting and ongoing confusion. Human beings weren’t meant to continually live in a state of confusion. Not knowing what to believe, what to expect, and not being able to trust our feelings, judgment, or senses is overwhelming and painful. Our natural state of “being” requires that our thoughts and interactions make sense because we need stability and security to be emotionally healthy and balanced. When we feel doubtful of our reality, or are so fearful of making a decision that we’re emotionally paralyzed, it may be the result of cognitive dissonance.

Although it doesn’t sound like it, some types of cognitive dissonance can be healthy. For example, guilt is a positive and healthy form of cognitive dissonance. Guilt allows us to see the discrepancy between “this is who I say I am, but this is what I did.” We feel guilty when “who we are” and “what we did” are not aligned. This misalignment causes us to feel empathy for the person we wronged. For example, if I believe I’m a gentle, kind, and loving person, and I make a cruel remark to someone, my perception of “who I am” no longer matches “what I did.” A gentle, kind, and loving person would not say mean things. I would be motivated by guilt to apologize to the person I hurt. The cognitive dissonance provided by our guilt drives us to atone for our actions, which is a positive thing.

Cognitive dissonance has a dark side and it’s harmful

When we’re gaslighted regularly, our level of cognitive dissonance grows, and the crazier and more out-of-touch we feel. We’re unsure of what’s real and what’s not, what’s true and what’s not, and we don’t know whether to believe our senses or only to accept what we’re told.​

We all tell ourselves stories. It’s how we make sense of ourselves and our world. Our egos translate our experiences so that they make sense, but doing so while in a state of cognitive dissonance can keep us stuck. To get unstuck, we might choose to accept the best explanation that we can come up with, regardless of whether it’s accurate.​​​​For example, think about the possible explanations that a six-year-old might create, versus a twenty-year-old, or a thirty-five-year-old. Youth and immaturity work against us when we’re gaslighted as kids. We’re not experienced or knowledgeable enough to imagine plausible and realistic explanations. At ten, if my best friend doesn’t reach out, I might think it’s because she doesn’t like me anymore. But at thirty, if I haven’t heard from my friend, I might think it’s because she’s busy with life, working, prioritizing self-care, etc. I can choose any number of explanations, and they’ll align with my current self-concept. 

Now, if I formed the belief in childhood that I’m unlovable, and I carried that belief with me into adulthood, my interpretation of others’ behavior will reflect that belief. If I have strong self-esteem, then my interpretation will reflect that. We interpret our reality using these emotional “filters.” It’s important to remember this because our filters can and do change. Our perceptions and interpretations also continually change and develop as we mature physically, intellectually, socially, spiritually, and emotionally.

Remember that “beliefs” are thoughts that have emotions attached to them. Eliminating inaccurate beliefs is a primary key to healing. What thoughts and feelings are still connected to your childhood beliefs? For example, if you were told as a child that you were not smart, then as an adult you may still believe it. You may never have examined that belief to determine if it was really true. Instead, you probably accepted and internalized it as truth and took it with you into adulthood. Now as an adult, you can examine it objectively. Make a list of the feelings, thoughts, and actions that come with that belief and write about them at length. Is the belief still relevant today? Why or why not? Explain. It’s helpful to learn about therapeutic approaches like Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique,) Neurolinguistic Programming, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which can eliminate faulty beliefs and help create healthy new ones. Take time to investigate other methods of changing beliefs. We acquired our beliefs as children. As adults, we get to replace them with ones that serve us.

gaslighting-150x150 Healing Your Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive dissonance is one of the most challenging aspects of healing. Because of gaslighting, we’ve learned to disregard or mistrust our perceptions, judgment, and memory. We may have learned to trust and accept someone else’s interpretation of the world and events and we may now rely on their interpretations, judgment, and perceptions instead of our own.

When you were gaslighted as a child, you probably also received unexpected or inappropriate responses. Your response to the gaslighting may have been determined to be incorrect, unreasonable, or shameful. You may have wondered why you received strange looks causing you to question your actions and words. Now, as an adult, you may be fearful for your mental health, you’re concerned that you may be losing your mind. You may accept that you’re the illogical one, or that you’re mentally ill. Gaslighting often leads to depression, anxiety, helplessness, hopelessness, or exhaustion. If it’s severe, you may feel like your sense of self is “fuzzy” and “reality” feels dreamlike. You probably can’t think clearly and have trouble with problem-solving and making decisions. This is more cognitive dissonance as a result of the gaslighting.

I’d often get confused, stressed, and frustrated when my mother denied doing or saying something I’d witnessed. I’d ask, “You’re saying that I didn’t see what I know I just saw?” And she’d reply in an exasperated or dismayed tone of voice, “You dreamt it,” “You imagined it,” or “So-and-so did that, not me.” It shouldn’t surprise you that I grew up to continue that tradition. I excelled at self-gaslighting. When you convince yourself that you didn’t just hear what you know you heard or that you didn’t just see what you know you saw….you are self-gaslighting. We do it to protect ourselves from further trauma.

Self gaslighting

For those of us who’ve experienced gaslighting as children, it likely caused harmful cognitive dissonance and reduced us into confused, uncertain, dependent shadows of our true selves. It robbed us of our ability to think logically, make decisions easily, use sound judgment, and recall accurately. Instead, we doubt ourselves, always second-guessing our thoughts, emotions, and decisions. I believe that gaslighting is the most harmful and destructive form of manipulation because it undermines our whole sense of self and crumbles our stability.

Self-gaslighting also contributes to cognitive dissonance. When we tell ourselves that someone’s actions or behavior was our fault, we’re self-gaslighting. We may convince ourselves that we somehow provoked their hurtful behavior, or we take responsibility for the things they did to hurt us. When we self-gaslight, we not only accept blame, we intentionally place it on ourselves. We lie to ourselves and then spend precious emotional energy, convincing ourselves that we’re not. It’s exhausting. Throughout your healing process, remind yourself not to do that anymore. Be honest with yourself now. Stand up for yourself and become your own advocate. If you won’t, then who will? Tell yourself the truth and stop accepting gaslighting from anybody, including yourself, period. Practice mindfulness to become aware that you’re doing it and stop every time.

Humans have a natural need for their attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors to co-exist peacefully with each other. This is called “cognitive consistency.” Living in a state of cognitive consistency means that we feel stable, relaxed, and secure. For example, if I believe I’m an honest person, and I act accordingly, it means I’ll tell the truth even when it’s uncomfortable or it gets me into trouble. Doing so means I’ll maintain my integrity and my cognitive consistency.

How cognitive dissonance is resolved

Most of us consciously or unconsciously resolve cognitive dissonance by doing one of these three things:

  1. Change our thoughts: Choosing this option means you change your thoughts and beliefs to match those of your narcissistic mom. For example, you accept your mother’s perspective that you lack common sense, rather than continue believing that you have sound judgment. Now you agree with your mother, which eliminates the emotional conflict and cognitive dissonance.
  2. Change our actions: With this approach, you change your behavior, so it matches your beliefs about yourself. Using the above example, you find ways to demonstrate that you actually have sound judgment and common sense. Your actions now match your mindset, eliminating the emotional conflict and cognitive dissonance.
  3. Justify our perceptions: You really do lack common sense and sound judgment, and you rationalize this by minimizing their value and significance. In essence, you trivialize your lack of common sense and sound judgment to eliminate the emotional conflict and cognitive dissonance.

Resolving cognitive dissonance isn’t always done on a conscious level, although we may be aware that we have choices to make. At some point, we’ll use one of the three methods to keep our sanity intact.

Eliminating cognitive dissonance isn’t a “one and done” thing. Typically, and speaking from my own experience, we play around with the three possibilities for resolution, trying them on, seeing how they fit and feel. Eventually, we settle on one that suits us best, that causes us the least mental and emotional stress.

Because my mother liked to overwrite my perceptions and memories with her own, I heard a lot of, “I never said that,” “You imagined it,” “You dreamt it,” or “It wasn’t me.” I was in a continual state of self-doubt and confusion from her insistence that I perceived and remembered events inaccurately. My ability to make decisions and to trust my own senses was severely negatively impacted. I eventually came to believe that the discrepancies between my own observations and those of my mother were flaws in my memory and perception. I became obsessed with explaining the disparities between what I observed and what I was told I observed. I remained in a state of cognitive dissonance throughout my childhood. If you can relate, I urge you to start your healing journey now and recover from the resulting cognitive dissonance.

Tools:

Conscious awareness: Be aware and make conscious choices before acting. Self-awareness releases us from making impulsive and potentially damaging decisions.

Self-care: We can only choose to focus on and be responsible for ourselves, our own thoughts, actions, and behavior. The good news is that we can change ourselves with patience, persistence, and practice. We can take responsibility for getting our needs met, instead of waiting for someone to change or meet our needs for us. We are in control of ourselves and no one is responsible for us but us.

Practice mindfulness

Learn about codependency

Take the Adverse Childhood Experiences quiz

Learn about Narcissism Awareness Grief

Understand the Abuse Cycle

Learn about letting go of what you can’t control, by using positive detachment

Learn about expectations

Learn about setting boundaries

More Resources You May Like:

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      About the Author

      Facetune_06-05-2021-18-24-57 Healing Your Cognitive Dissonance

      As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping skills and healing strategies for herself. She happily shares those with others who want to learn and grow. 

      Her Lemon Moms series and other books and articles are a combination of her education, knowledge, personal growth, and insight from her childhood experiences and subsequent recovery work.

      Diane holds a Master of Science degree in Information Technology and a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology. She’s worked in numerous fields, including domestic violence and abuse, and is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer about family dysfunction. On The Toolbox, she writes about recovery strategies from hurtful people and painful, dysfunctional, or toxic relationships. She has authored four transformational books about healing and moving forward from narcissistic Victim Syndrome.

      Visit her author’s site here: DianeMetcalf.com

      Learn about the Lemon Moms series here: Lemon Moms

      This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

      Read more

      Reading time: 10 min
      Boundaries•Healing Affirmations•Self Care•Trauma

      How to Finally Get Unstuck and Move Forward

      We Can Change
      December 31, 2021 by Diane M. Metcalf, MS No Comments

      It feels like everywhere I look at there are articles and posts about manifesting a better future by using the “Law of Attraction.”

      The Law of Attraction suggests that thinking positive thoughts can bring about positive effects and that holding negative thoughts can bring adverse outcomes. This law is based on the belief that thoughts are a form of energy; so positive thoughts attract positive energy, and vice versa.

      Human beings are energy fields, and every human body is made of energy-producing particles in constant motion. So, everything in existence, including us humans, vibrates at particular frequencies and creates energy. (Srinivasan 2010.)

      There’s growing evidence that our body’s own electrical and magnetic energy can stimulate chemical processes that influence our health and wellbeing. “Vibrational medicine,” also called energy medicine, strives to use the energy generated by and around a person’s body to optimize their health. So, the Law of Attraction is backed by science.

      Affirmations and the Law of Attraction

      Affirmations are positive statements made in the present tense that impact our conscious and subconscious minds. By saying them regularly, we can raise our vibrational frequency. The Law of Attraction states that “like attracts like.” Therefore, when you begin vibrating in a higher, more positive frequency, you will start attracting higher-vibrational people and opportunities into your life.

      Positive affirmations are a “self-talk approach” for creating a positive, motivating outlook on life while becoming your authentic self. We are more easily able to connect with our authentic selves when our vibrations are high. Unfortunately, unhealthy, unsupportive inner dialogue can remain our default mode when we are not vibrating highly.

      But what is a vibration? How do you know if you are vibrating highly or not? Well, everything has a vibrational frequency. Quantum physics can illustrate this, but all that’s really required is remembering the basics.

      Remember learning about atoms and molecules in school? Atoms and molecules come together to create matter as solids, liquids, or gases. Atoms, the smallest indivisible units of matter, are made of energy and are constantly vibrating. Since atoms are made of vibrating energy, and all matter is made of atoms, all matter is made of energy, and all matter is vibrating. You don’t have to see vibrations to know they’re there. Have you ever walked into a room and felt its vibe? If you have, you’ve intuitively sensed whether the people in the room were getting along, were uncomfortable, excited, sad, or happy. When you walk into a room, and it “feels” a certain way, you’ve picked up on its vibration. And when you meet a person and immediately feel connected, it’s because you are most likely vibrating similarly!

      Our vibrations are continually changing, shifting with our moods, health, and according to the energy that surrounds us.

      We can choose whether we would like to vibrate higher or lower than our current state of being. When you vibrate at a lower frequency, it feels heavy, and when you’re vibrating at a higher frequency, you feel lighter, at ease, happy, and at peace. Vibrating at a higher frequency feels good! Focusing on that which brings us joy and happiness raises our vibrational frequency, and when we get ourselves into a higher vibration, we let go of that which no longer serves us.

      When you begin releasing everything that weighs you down to maintain a higher frequency or vibration, you will experience more positive emotions. Feeling good will be your default state of being.

      To help you better understand how your feelings vibrate, Abraham-Hicks has created the “emotional guidance scale” below. The feelings listed are ranked from highest to lowest vibrating. They give an idea of how you might be vibrating at any given time:

      • Joy/apprehension/empowerment/freedom/love
      • Passion
      • Enthusiasm/eagerness/happiness
      • Positive expectations/belief
      • Optimism
      • Hopefulness
      • Contentment
      • Boredom
      • Pessimism
      • Frustration/irritation/impatience
      • Overwhelm
      • Disappointment
      • Doubt
      • Worry
      • Blame
      • Discouragement
      • Anger
      • Revenge
      • Hatred/rage
      • Jealousy
      • Insecurity/guilt/unworthiness
      • Fear/grief/depression/despair/powerlessness

      Affirmations raise your vibration when you’re stuck in a low vibrational pattern like fear, worry, anxiety, doubt, and powerlessness. They are a powerful tool for manifesting change and lifting your attitude at the same time. Speaking positive affirmations is one of the quickest ways to raise your vibration!

      As you continue to use affirmations, your vibration will increase, and you’ll notice that you feel happier and more peaceful.  You’ll begin to attain your goals, fulfill your desires, and attract the people and experiences you want.

      blog-sunrise-300x168 How to Finally Get Unstuck and Move Forward

      Let’s Get High

      When we hold highly vibrating thoughts, feelings and behaviors, we naturally start to vibrate accordingly. When we vibrate at a higher frequency, we feel a sense of peace and connectedness to everything. We worry less because we’re confident, knowing everything in life is as it should be, and getting better in every way.

      By speaking affirmations every day, you’ll become consciously aware of your thoughts, attitudes, choices, and behaviors. You’ll notice where changes are happening and where changes still need to happen. You’ll feel more positive energy, and you’ll attract more positivity in the form of people and opportunities.

      Additional benefits:

      Mindfulness

      When implementing any change, you must be aware of the change you want to make throughout the day, every day, for it to be successful. You must intentionally commit to making the change every day.

      What do you want to change about yourself? Do you have personality traits or characteristics that you don’t like, criticize, judge, or loathe? Maybe you have habits or perceived shortcomings that you’d like to give up?  Is there an aspect of your life that you want to develop? Your answers to questions like these can give you ideas about the kinds of positive affirmations that you can create.

      Thoughts Become Things

      When we hold low vibrational thoughts and beliefs, we lower our vibration, inevitably hampering our affirmation’s likelihood of success. This is because our subconscious minds accept any repeated declaration as truth, even when these affirmations are negative. Be aware of your negative thoughts.

      We use affirmations to change the way we think about ourselves. Affirmations remind us of our highest potential, and our vibrational frequency must increase to match that potential. You must raise your vibration to align with your goals when you’re manifesting your best life.

      We know that affirmations are more likely to work when they vibrate highly. That’s because highly vibrating affirmations attract what we’ve always wanted but believed we couldn’t have. If your affirmations don’t vibrate highly, rewrite them.

      When you’ve learned how to write and use affirmations correctly, you will start manifesting your goals. As your vibration increases, you’ll become aware of your daily thoughts and practices, and you’ll begin living in alignment with the life you’re trying to create.

      As you write and speak your affirmations, focus on gratitude, love (including self-love), optimism, and spiritual guidance. This practice will further increase your vibrational frequency.

      After you write an affirmation, take a look at it, say it, and see how it feels. It should vibrate highly. Keep working on it until it does.

      To achieve the life you want, you will need to write robust, highly vibrating affirmations, and believe these declarations to already be true. If you don’t write your affirmations correctly, saying them can be an absolute waste of time. Find out more about how to write affirmations that work in Lemon Moms Life-Altering Affirmations: Change your self-talk, change yourSELF

      More tools for healing:

      Learn about dysfunctional family roles

      Learn about codependency 

      Learn coping skills for the holidays and family visits

      Learn why what you tell yourself matters

      Learn why verbal abuse hurts us

      Learn how to protect yourself with boundaries 

      Learn about the narcissistic abuse cycle

      Learn about Narcissism Awareness Grief

      More Resources You May Like:

      2-1024x1024 How to Finally Get Unstuck and Move Forward

      I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self

      A Workbook and Journal

      How to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things

      Sold worldwide in any bookstore.

      Quick links:

      Barnes and Noble
      Amazon
      Walmart
      Author Site

      Join the Free Email Survival Course:

      Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward

      from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

      Private Facebook group included for members only.

      Register Here!
      Free 8-week email Survival Course

        I respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

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        splashscreen-mobile-app-1-1024x1024 How to Finally Get Unstuck and Move Forward
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        The Lemon Moms Series:

        B&N
        Kindle
        Audible
        Amazon
        Nook
        Google
        Apple

        Available formats: eBook, audiobook, hardcover, paperback, and large print too!

        All are available worldwide at your favorite bookstore!

        If not stocked, store copies may be ordered through the global distributor, IngramSpark.

        For ordering through Amazon in the US and other countries:

        Amazon US, Amazon UK,  Amazon Germany, Amazon France, Amazon Italy, Amazon Japan, Amazon Canada, Amazon Australia, Amazon Netherlands, Amazon Spain

        In the US? No Amazon Prime? Buy directly from the author to

        GET FREE SHIPPING (U.S.)

        Get the TOOLBOX articles twice monthly to your inbox!

        Your Free Gift:
        Inner Child Healing Meditation mp3

          We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.


          Visit Author’s Site

          About the Author

          Facetune_06-05-2021-18-24-57 How to Finally Get Unstuck and Move Forward

          As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping skills and healing strategies for herself. She happily shares those with others who want to learn and grow. 

          Her Lemon Moms series and other books and articles are a combination of her education, knowledge, personal growth, and insight from her childhood experiences and subsequent recovery work.

          Diane holds a Master of Science degree in Information Technology and a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology. She’s worked in numerous fields, including domestic violence and abuse, and is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer about family dysfunction. On The Toolbox, she writes about recovery strategies from hurtful people and painful, dysfunctional, or toxic relationships. She has authored four transformational books about healing and moving forward from narcissistic Victim Syndrome.

          Visit her author’s site here: DianeMetcalf.com

          Learn about the Lemon Moms series here: Lemon Moms

          This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

          Read more
          Reading time: 6 min
          C-PTSD•Codependency•Trauma

          Trauma Bonds

          Hands tied with rope
          February 15, 2021 by Diane M. Metcalf, MS No Comments

          If you suffer from narcissistic abuse syndrome, you are dealing with trauma bonds, as well.

          What is a Trauma Bond?

          Trauma bonds occurs over time through the use of “intermittent reinforcement,” which is a type of behavioral “conditioning” where a reward (or a punishment) is given irregularly instead of every time the desired behavior is observed. In other words, periods of abuse are interspersed with periods of kindness (or the absence of cruelty). This cycle of “always guessing” keeps the target on high alert in survival mode. They never know when the abuser will be cruel or kind. It’s like a game of chance, like playing slot machines or Bingo. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose, but it’s the possibility of winning that keeps you going back for more.

          Any behavior that keeps you on high alert, or focused on your mother’s behavior, is capable of forming trauma bonds.

          How are Trauma Bonds Created?

          Trauma bonds are created in several ways:

          Love bombing: The love bombing dynamic occurs when a narcissist, including narcissistic mothers, unexpectedly showers you with love, attention, kindness, or affection. Love bombing comes in various forms—gift-giving, forgiveness for past “offenses,” anything that makes you feel validated or special. Love bombing helps form a trauma bond because it’s a form of intermittent reinforcement: you never know when it will happen.

          Verbal abuse: Shouting, name-calling, sarcastic comments, character assassination, backhanded compliments, insults, demeaning remarks, “put-downs” and shaming are some examples of verbal abuse. The abuse happens on an irregular schedule, so it’s a form of intermittent reinforcement (spoken cruelty interspersed with periods of civility and kindness.) The resulting shame causes a trauma bond.

          Positive reinforcement: Although it sounds healthy, positive reinforcement can also create trauma bonds. When a person, (including children) is rewarded for doing something they didn’t want to do, or obeying without question, there’s a trauma bond created. Healthy relationships don’t require rewards.

          Victim blaming: When a narcissist blames their target (or the narcissist mother blames her child) for the cruelty inflicted upon them, they will likely believe they deserve it, because they’ve been conditioned to. This belief establishes a trauma bond.

          Silent treatment: When a narcissist purposefully ignores you, that causes feelings of helpless, anxiety, and fear of abandonment. Having no control over the situation, you’ll focus on the narcissist and wait for their acceptance, however long it takes.

          “Moving goalposts” (aka changing the goal): Narcissists often redefine or change their expectations, sometimes several times, during any interaction. Doing this ensures a frustrating encounter for those involved. A narcissist, (including narcissist mothers) is never satisfied, and keeping you emotionally invested in their happiness creates trauma bonds.

          If you struggle with narcissistic abuse syndrome you’ll often doubt your self-worth and sanity. Targets of narcissistic abuse tend to focus on their faults, failures, and inadequacies, whether they’re real or not. Sometimes these “deficiencies” began as an idea expressed by the vocal narcissist.

          There are several symptoms of narcissistic abuse syndrome. Many of these are the same as those of complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD,) which affects people who’ve experienced serious traumas.

          pexels-karolina-grabowska-4379912 Trauma Bonds

          Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome symptoms include:

          • Accepting an imbalanced sense of responsibility
          • Intrusive, or unwanted thoughts
          • Unhealed triggers (physical and emotional responses to similar past traumatic situations)
          • Flashbacks or nightmares where the target emotionally re-lives a traumatic experience
          • Avoiding people, places or conditions linked to the narcissist or the traumatic event
          • Feeling isolated, abandoned, or detached
          • Feeling alert or hyper-vigilant, or easily startled (“fight or flight”)
          • Negative thoughts about self and world
          • Insecurity
          • Shame
          • Accepting misplaced blame
          • Difficulty concentrating or sleeping
          • Depression
          • Self-destructive behaviors
          • Involvement in abusive romantic relationships
          • Lost trust in family or friends
          • Feeling worthless or unworthy
          • Lost sense of self
          • Holding the narcissist in high esteem
          • Doubting their judgment and decision-making skills
          • Ignoring their own needs
          • Devaluing or minimizing their contributions to relationships
          • Making excuses for a narcissist’s behavior
          • Continually trying to please the narcissist
          • Attachment issues
          • Weak boundaries
          • Addictions
          • Anxiety
          • Perfectionism

          If you constantly wonder about your narcissist’s emotional state, for example, what will he/she be like today? Should you try to avoid them? Or do you frequently-

          • think about what you could be (or should be) doing differently to please them?
          • believe your relationship problems are all your fault?
          • deal with mood swings, lost sleep, anxiety, apprehension?

          These are all symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome, and if you have any of them you may also have trauma bonds. The good news is that you can detach from the abuse and heal. Keep learning and doing the work.

          Tools for healing:

          Learn about setting boundaries 

          Learn about codependency and maladaptive coping skills

          Understand the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

          Learn how to stop being a source of narcissistic supply

          Learn about dysfunctional family roles

          Try Expressive Writing

          More Resources You May Like:

          2-1024x1024 Trauma Bonds

          I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self

          A Workbook and Journal

          How to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things

          Sold worldwide in any bookstore.

          Quick links:

          Barnes and Noble
          Amazon
          Walmart
          Author Site

          Join the Free Email Survival Course:

          Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward

          from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

          Private Facebook group included for members only.

          Register Here!
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              About the Author

              Facetune_06-05-2021-18-24-57 Trauma Bonds

              As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping skills and healing strategies for herself. She happily shares those with others who want to learn and grow. 

              Her Lemon Moms series and other books and articles are a combination of her education, knowledge, personal growth, and insight from her childhood experiences and subsequent recovery work.

              Diane holds a Master of Science degree in Information Technology and a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology. She’s worked in numerous fields, including domestic violence and abuse, and is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer about family dysfunction. On The Toolbox, she writes about recovery strategies from hurtful people and painful, dysfunctional, or toxic relationships. She has authored four transformational books about healing and moving forward from narcissistic Victim Syndrome.

              Visit her author’s site here: DianeMetcalf.com

              Learn about the Lemon Moms series here: Lemon Moms

              This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

              Read more

              Please share!

              Reading time: 4 min
              Narcissism•Scapegoating•Trauma

              Dysfunctional Roles: Golden, Invisible and Scapegoat

              angry mom
              December 2, 2020 by Diane M. Metcalf, MS No Comments

              Whether You’re Golden, Invisible, or a Scapegoat, it’s All About Control

              The word “abuse” is full of shame. Using that word regarding childhood experiences might feel like a massive exaggeration of what happened and a handy but sad excuse for unresolved issues. When we use the word “abuse,” it feels like attention and sympathy-seeking. It feels like “poor me; I’m a helpless victim.”

              We may intentionally minimize our painful childhood experiences because we don’t want to think of our mothers as “abusers” or ourselves as unwitting targets. Having those kinds of thoughts can cause us to feel more ashamed, and that affects our core identity. Those of us who’ve experienced traumatic childhood events at the hands of our mothers may feel a sense of disgust or humiliation in addition to shame, and we see ourselves in a negative light when we compare ourselves with others.

              The Three, Interchangeable Roles

              There’s a particularly dysfunctional family dynamic in which one of the children becomes “idealized,” the clear parental favorite, known as the “Golden Child,” and the other children take turns being devalued and blamed. They’re known as “Invisible Children” and the “Scapegoats” (Streep 2017). A narcissist-mom controls these roles.

              The roles of the Golden Child, Invisible Child, and Scapegoat are flexible. Any role can be assigned to any child at any time, depending on the mother’s mood. It’s a “crazy-making” situation because the mom has the unchallenged power to change the entire family dynamic quickly and unpredictably. For those of us in this position, it catches us unaware and unprepared.

              The Golden Child: The Golden Child’s role is to bring positive attention to the mother and the family. They are the favorite, and as such, may have a special status and receive more attention and praise. They’re the ones that get bragged about. They make the narcissistic mom look great as a mother. Even so, she will always take some credit for their accomplishments. When they walk into the room, mom’s focus is on them. Golden Children may grow up to be adults who are compulsive overachievers or perfectionists who feel a loss of identity and have low self-esteem.

              “Forms of idealizing include praise, attention, and bragging. Types of devaluing include criticizing, blaming, shaming, lying about, lying to, intentionally frightening, projecting, and gaslighting.”

              The Invisible Child (aka Lost Child): The Invisible Child “stays under the radar,” follows the rules unquestioningly, is quiet, and is easy-going. Invisible Children are often taken for granted, and their needs are neglected because they never complain or ask for anything. Invisible Children may internalize a sense of having no impact on others, or that their input does not matter. They may grow up to feel insignificant and inconsequential because their sense of identity has not fully developed (Stines, 2018).

              girl-face Dysfunctional Roles: Golden, Invisible and Scapegoat

              The Scapegoat: The Scapegoat’s role is to bear the blame for all of the family’s problems. They are the butt of jokes and get less of everything than the other siblings. They are seen as the problem child. Scapegoats often grow up to become the ones who speak up and challenge the dysfunction. They’re the ones telling the truth about what’s going on in the family and will act out the frustration, anger, and feelings of the entire family (Cole 2019).

              When we suddenly and unexpectedly become the Scapegoat, it leaves us wondering what the heck just happened. Was it something I said (or didn’t mention or was supposed to mention)? Was it something I did (or didn’t do or did but not correctly)? If not me, then who or what was it? Was it another family member? A friend? Her boss? The traffic? Did something happen at work? Was it the weather? Maybe it was a coworker. Or her supervisor. Perhaps it was the cat? Or something she got (or didn’t get) in the mail?

              When I found myself in the Scapegoat position, I could literally spend hours trying to figure out why. I wanted and needed to fix it, or at least to understand what had so hugely affected my position within the family. I wanted to attempt to control it and not let it happen again.

              A sudden change in family positions is upsetting. These random role reversals affect our sense of observation, decision-making, and self-trust because we never know if the explanation we’re giving ourselves is accurate. And we’re continuously guessing our current standing within the family. And if we’re the Golden Child, we’re also appeasing and pleasing our mom because we don’t want to lose that privilege.

              “Narcissistic mothers revel in generating competition between their children and emotionally distancing them from one another.”

              Living with a narcissistic mother has been described as “living in a war zone.” Those of us who’ve lived under those circumstances were usually on high alert, in fight-or-flight survival mode, because we had no idea when the next attack or role reversal would happen. It meant we were continuously producing stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, so it was a common occurrence to feel confused or experience scattered thinking, and have difficulty making decisions, or remembering. Eventually, we became emotionally and physically exhausted.

              There are other subtle ways that narcissistic mothers attempt to control or manipulate their children:

              • Belittling, criticizing, and name-calling
              • Patronizing and being condescending
              • Publicly or privately embarrassing their children
              • Threatening their children in some way
              • Ordering their children to do things, taking away their choices
              • Controlling money or access to it
              • Monitoring and controlling whereabouts
              • Exhibiting scary, emotional outbursts
              • Acting on jealousy
              • Using manipulative or guilt-inducing ploys
              • Isolating children from friends, family members, or social connections
              • Being indifferent to her children’s needs
              • Denying or trivializing feelings

              Any combination of these behaviors can result in lowering or destroying a child’s self-esteem and cause them to feel unnecessary fear and shame (McBride 2018).

              AA-mother-daughter Dysfunctional Roles: Golden, Invisible and Scapegoat

              Why It Happens

              Because narcissistic mothers are so controlling, they need to have reasons that explain undesirable happenings, and they insist on having a person to hold accountable. This phenomenon is known as scapegoating.

              When a narcissistic mom protects her ego from her own unlikeable qualities, she “projects” them onto the Scapegoat child. There is a risk of neglect, maltreatment, abuse, blame, shame, or even physical violence to these children as a result. She’ll play a game of “whose fault is it? I know it’s not mine” (Brenner et al. 2018). The scapegoating practice happens in dysfunctional families, with the role of the scapegoat being either temporary or permanent. The scapegoat is the “fall guy,” the person who gets blamed for offenses and injustices that happen to anyone in the family. Family members, except for the narcissistic mom, often take turns playing the scapegoat role, and at any given time, the mom determines who the scapegoat is.

              Tactics like scapegoating are all attempts of the mother to maintain control. When a narcissistic mom feels like she’s losing control over her kids, she will often lash out in vengeful ways, subtly or with direct hostility. Narcissistic mothers are highly reactive to any threat or challenge to their power. They have a sense of entitlement, ownership, and possession of their kids.

              More Manipulative Tactics

              There is a multitude of ways that a narcissistic mother can emotionally injure her children. I believe these behaviors are the result of other, often unrelated issues, such as:

              1. She’s not articulate or doesn’t have a strong vocabulary, so she’s not able to accurately express or describe what she’s thinking or feeling.
              2. She doesn’t know how to identify her emotions.
              3. She hasn’t had an emotionally healthy upbringing, or she hasn’t witnessed emotionally healthy relationships.
              4. She’s emotionally immature and can’t regulate her emotions.
              5. She hasn’t personally experienced or learned strong parenting skills.

              Narcissistic mothers manipulate and control their children in a variety of ways:

              • Withholding affection, affirmation, validation, attention, encouragement, praise, and other self-esteem building behaviors
              • Exhibiting intense and scary displays of emotion and drama (“narcissistic rages”)
              • Verbally abusing them with insults, criticism, and name-calling
              • Threatening violence (may or may not be carried out)
              • Maintaining a victim mentality
              • Rejection
              • Lying
              • Giving the “silent treatment” as a form of punishment
              • Exercising a “selective memory”
              • Gaslighting to control perceptions and memories

              I’m personally familiar with all of these tactics. Gaslighting is the one that harmed me the most. It’s an extremely emotionally and mentally destructive form of manipulation.

              Even though most of the above-listed behaviors are not physically hurtful, each one can activate the pain centers in the human brain. Research in the field of neuroscience shows us that even perceived rejection activates the area of the brain where pain is felt (Eisenberger et al. 2004). The point is that verbal abuse, threats, rejection, and other forms of emotional mistreatment do hurt us.

              “Stirring the Pot” (Triangulation)

              A narcissistic mother revels in generating competition between her children and emotionally distancing them from one another. These moms enjoy creating distrust, doubt, insecurity, competition, and resentment between siblings. As I’ve mentioned, this is called triangulation. It’s also a manipulative tactic, used to control information or interactions between individuals.

              A therapist once suggested that triangulation was a form of entertainment for my mom. She liked creating drama. She’d stir up trouble, then sit back and enjoy the show. For example, my mom would say one thing to me, putting a specific person in a negative light, and then she’d provide a slightly different version, with me as the “bad guy,” to the other person. When we sensed that something negative was happening between us, but not of our own doing, the other person and I began communicating directly with each other. We compared the different versions of my mother’s stories and soon came to realize that we were being manipulated seemingly for my mother’s amusement. I informed my mother that we were aware of what she was doing. Of course, she flipped the scenario, instantly becoming the innocent victim, but the triangulation stopped pretty much immediately.

              More on Triangulation later.


               

              Tools for healing:

              Conscious awareness:  Be aware and make conscious choices before acting. Self-awareness releases us from making impulsive and potentially damaging decisions.

              Learn how to practice mindfulness.

              Understand the Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse

              Learn about setting boundaries 

              Learn about codependency and other unhelpful coping skills

              Learn about Narcissism Awareness Grief

              More Resources You May Like:

              2-1024x1024 Dysfunctional Roles: Golden, Invisible and Scapegoat

              I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self

              A Workbook and Journal

              How to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things

              Sold worldwide in any bookstore.

              Quick links:

              Barnes and Noble
              Amazon
              Walmart
              Author Site

              Join the Free Email Survival Course:

              Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward

              from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

              Private Facebook group included for members only.

              Register Here!
              Free 8-week email Survival Course

                I respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

                There’s an app for that!

                Get THE TOOLBOX APP

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                splashscreen-mobile-app-1-1024x1024 Dysfunctional Roles: Golden, Invisible and Scapegoat
                GOOGLEPLAY-EMBLEM Dysfunctional Roles: Golden, Invisible and Scapegoat
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                KINDLE-HiDef-3-book-series-2566-x-3846-px-683x1024 Dysfunctional Roles: Golden, Invisible and Scapegoat

                The Lemon Moms Series:

                B&N
                Kindle
                Audible
                Amazon
                Nook
                Google
                Apple

                Available formats: eBook, audiobook, hardcover, paperback, and large print too!

                All are available worldwide at your favorite bookstore!

                If not stocked, store copies may be ordered through the global distributor, IngramSpark.

                For ordering through Amazon in the US and other countries:

                Amazon US, Amazon UK,  Amazon Germany, Amazon France, Amazon Italy, Amazon Japan, Amazon Canada, Amazon Australia, Amazon Netherlands, Amazon Spain

                In the US? No Amazon Prime? Buy directly from the author to

                GET FREE SHIPPING (U.S.)

                Get the TOOLBOX articles twice monthly to your inbox!

                Your Free Gift:
                Inner Child Healing Meditation mp3

                  We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.


                  Visit Author’s Site

                  About the Author

                  Facetune_06-05-2021-18-24-57 Dysfunctional Roles: Golden, Invisible and Scapegoat

                  As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping skills and healing strategies for herself. She happily shares those with others who want to learn and grow. 

                  Her Lemon Moms series and other books and articles are a combination of her education, knowledge, personal growth, and insight from her childhood experiences and subsequent recovery work.

                  Diane holds a Master of Science degree in Information Technology and a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology. She’s worked in numerous fields, including domestic violence and abuse, and is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer about family dysfunction. On The Toolbox, she writes about recovery strategies from hurtful people and painful, dysfunctional, or toxic relationships. She has authored four transformational books about healing and moving forward from narcissistic Victim Syndrome.

                  Visit her author’s site here: DianeMetcalf.com

                  Learn about the Lemon Moms series here: Lemon Moms

                  This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

                   

                  Read more

                  Please share!

                  Reading time: 8 min
                  Gaslighting•Narcissism•Trauma

                  Do you have superpowers? You might be surprised

                  superpowers
                  July 12, 2020 by Diane Metcalf, MS No Comments

                  Developing superpowers as a result of growing up with a toxic person

                  Have you ever thought about how someone’s toxicity has affected you?

                  I have. If you have too, you might’ve first realized all of the negative ways your life was impacted by someone else’s untreated issues, faulty perceptions, or negativity.

                  But what if you turned those around and gave them a positive spin?

                  This list was compiled from responses given in a support group for Scapegoat Adult Children of Narcissists. They were asked the question: What superpowers have you developed because you lived with a mentally ill, dysfunctional, or toxic person?

                  superpower Do you have superpowers? You might be surprised

                  Here are some of the responses these incredible people provided. I hope this list gives you a new sense of personal power and helps you recognize more of what makes you awesome!

                  Claim your superpowers

                  • Dark sense of humor
                  • Able to sense toxic people
                  • Able to detect mental illness or something mentally wrong with a person.
                  • Able to read body language
                  • Able to sense danger
                  • Fierce independence
                  • Resourcefulness
                  • Resilience
                  • Psychoanalyze everyone
                  • Strong intuition
                  • Self-sufficiency
                  • Good at pretending to be asleep
                  • Self mothering/nurturing
                  • Anticipate multiple outcomes and is prepared for almost anything
                  • Comfortable being alone
                  • Able to tolerate high stress
                  • Know when something bad is going to happen
                  • Feel other peoples energy
                  • Feel calm in an emergency or crisis
                  • Able to figure out complicated things
                  • Nurturing
                  • Patient
                  • Able to read micro facial expressions 
                  • Able to detect changes in people’s energy
                  • Can hone in on certain sounds: keys, footsteps, voices, car engines
                  • Move stealthily/silently
                  • Become invisible/unnoticeable
                  • Able to sneeze, cough and cry silently
                  • Good at keeping other’s secrets
                  • Empathic
                  • Remember every detail of events and conversations because of former gaslighting
                  • Great at dealing with angry people
                  • Ability to sense a con-artist
                  • Great at cleaning
                  • Great at anything to do with image: designing, decorating, clothing, accessorizing
                  • Great at detecting narcissists
                  • Able to hide emotions
                  • Able to detect untrustworthy people
                  • Able to lie well if needed
                  • Able to manipulate others if needed
                  • Very discerning
                  • Well organized
                  • Able to admit when wrong
                  • Resourceful
                  • Quick thinking
                  • Able to escape situations
                  • Able to see other’s perspectives
                  • Able to manage people
                  • Able to emotionally detach
                  • Able to tune people out
                  • Can switch emotions on and off
                  • Adapt to any surroundings
                  • Able to dissect a situation in seconds
                  • Able to diffuse arguments
                  • Good emotional control
                  • Cook well, able to make meals out of nothing
                  • Outspoken
                  • Great self-preservation skills
                  • Super observant
                  • Deep self-awareness
                  • Able to save money for unforeseen trouble
                  • Thrive under pressure
                  • See the red flags
                  • Problem solver
                  • PerfectionistIc
                  • Successfully sneaky when needed
                  • Bionic ears
                  • Diplomatic
                  • Get along with literally anyone

                  What superpowers do YOU have? If you send them to me at [email protected], I’ll add them to this list. (anonymously of course!)

                  Tools for healing:

                  Conscious awareness: Be aware and make conscious choices before acting. Self-awareness releases us from making impulsive and potentially damaging decisions.

                  Understand the Abuse Cycle

                  Learn about letting go of what you can’t control, by using positive-detachment

                  Learn how expectations can be harmful

                  Learn how to set boundaries

                  Self-care: We can only choose to focus on and be responsible for ourselves, our own thoughts, actions, and behavior. We can change ourselves with patience, persistence, and practice. We can take responsibility for getting our needs met, instead of waiting for someone to change or meet our needs for us. We are in control of ourselves and no one is responsible for us but us.

                  Practice mindfulness

                  Learn about codependency and other maladaptive coping skills

                  Take the Adverse Childhood Experiences Quiz

                  Learn the signs of Narcissism Awareness Grief

                  More Resources You May Like:

                  2-1024x1024 Do you have superpowers? You might be surprised

                  I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self

                  A Workbook and Journal

                  How to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things

                  Sold worldwide in any bookstore.

                  Quick links:

                  Barnes and Noble
                  Amazon
                  Walmart
                  Author Site

                  Join the Free Email Survival Course:

                  Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward

                  from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

                  Private Facebook group included for members only.

                  Register Here!
                  Free 8-week email Survival Course

                    I respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

                    There’s an app for that!

                    Get THE TOOLBOX APP

                    for instant information, support, and validation!

                    splashscreen-mobile-app-1-1024x1024 Do you have superpowers? You might be surprised
                    GOOGLEPLAY-EMBLEM Do you have superpowers? You might be surprised
                    app-store-logo Do you have superpowers? You might be surprised
                    KINDLE-HiDef-3-book-series-2566-x-3846-px-683x1024 Do you have superpowers? You might be surprised

                    The Lemon Moms Series:

                    B&N
                    Kindle
                    Audible
                    Amazon
                    Nook
                    Google
                    Apple

                    Available formats: eBook, audiobook, hardcover, paperback, and large print too!

                    All are available worldwide at your favorite bookstore!

                    If not stocked, store copies may be ordered through the global distributor, IngramSpark.

                    For ordering through Amazon in the US and other countries:

                    Amazon US, Amazon UK,  Amazon Germany, Amazon France, Amazon Italy, Amazon Japan, Amazon Canada, Amazon Australia, Amazon Netherlands, Amazon Spain

                    In the US? No Amazon Prime? Buy directly from the author to

                    GET FREE SHIPPING (U.S.)

                    Get the TOOLBOX articles twice monthly to your inbox!

                    Your Free Gift:
                    Inner Child Healing Meditation mp3

                      We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.


                      Visit Author’s Site

                      About the Author

                      Facetune_06-05-2021-18-24-57 Do you have superpowers? You might be surprised

                      As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping skills and healing strategies for herself. She happily shares those with others who want to learn and grow. 

                      Her Lemon Moms series and other books and articles are a combination of her education, knowledge, personal growth, and insight from her childhood experiences and subsequent recovery work.

                      Diane holds a Master of Science degree in Information Technology and a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology. She’s worked in numerous fields, including domestic violence and abuse, and is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer about family dysfunction. On The Toolbox, she writes about recovery strategies from hurtful people and painful, dysfunctional, or toxic relationships. She has authored four transformational books about healing and moving forward from narcissistic Victim Syndrome.

                      Visit her author’s site here: DianeMetcalf.com

                      Learn about the Lemon Moms series here: Lemon Moms

                      This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

                       

                      Read more

                      Please share!

                      Reading time: 2 min
                      C-PTSD•Isolation•Self Care

                      Resources for COVID anxiety

                      washing hands
                      May 22, 2020 by Diane M. Metcalf, MS No Comments

                      I found these resources online when looking for support for myself and my loved ones. I checked these resources and thought I would share them here. This is by no means an exhaustive list and serves as an example of what you can find online if you are discerning.

                      I’m not affiliated with these organizations in any way nor do I personally or professionally endorse them.

                      From the CDC

                      https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/managing-stress-anxiety.html

                      “Need help? Know someone who does? If you, or someone you care about, are feeling overwhelmed with emotions like sadness, depression, or anxiety, or feel like you want to harm yourself or others:
                      Visit the Disaster Distress Helpline-call 1-800-985-5990, or text TalkWithUs to 66746”

                      From the Anxiety and Depression Association of America

                      https://adaa.org

                      ADAA Videos:

                      Managing the Roller Coaster of Emotions During COVID-19, ADAA Video – ADAA member Bethany Teachman, PhD
                      https://adaa.org/webinar/consumer/managing-roller-coaster-emotions-during-covid-19

                      Putting on the Oxygen Mask – How to Take Care of Yourself so You Can Take Care of Your Child, ADAA Video – ADAA member Rachel Busman, PsyD
                      https://adaa.org/webinar/consumer/putting-oxygen-mask-how-take-care-yourself-so-you-can-take-care-your-child

                      Experiencing Financial Stress Due to COVID-19? Learn Stress-Relieving Tips from Anxiety and Financial Experts, ADAA Video – ADAA member Debra Kissen, PhD and Financial planners Kristina Caragiulo and Nick Cosky from BDF LLC in Chicago
                      https://adaa.org/webinar/consumer/experiencing-financial-stress-due-covid-19-learn-stress-relieving-tips-anxiety-and

                      Managing Coronavirus Anxiety: Tips and Strategies for Families – ADAA Video – ADAA members Ken Goodman, LCSW, Debra Kissen, PhD and David H. Rosmarin, PhD, ABPP
                      https://adaa.org/webinar/consumer/managing-coronavirus-anxiety-tips-and-strategies-families

                      Quick Expert Tips and Strategies to Manage Coronavirus Anxiety – ADAA 5 minute Video – ADAA member Dr. Debra Kissen
                      https://youtu.be/xP14-Pc56xU. ADAA also has free peer-to-peer support groups. 


                      And last, but not least, here’s a great article from “Best Sleep Health”

                      How to sleep better if you have coronavirus-related anxiety or sleep disturbances.

                      More Resources You May Like:

                      2-1024x1024 Resources for COVID anxiety

                      I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self

                      A Workbook and Journal

                      How to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things

                      Sold worldwide in any bookstore.

                      Quick links:

                      Barnes and Noble
                      Amazon
                      Walmart
                      Author Site

                      Join the Free Email Survival Course:

                      Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward

                      from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

                      Private Facebook group included for members only.

                      Register Here!
                      Free 8-week email Survival Course

                        I respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

                        There’s an app for that!

                        Get THE TOOLBOX APP

                        for instant information, support, and validation!

                        splashscreen-mobile-app-1-1024x1024 Resources for COVID anxiety
                        GOOGLEPLAY-EMBLEM Resources for COVID anxiety
                        app-store-logo Resources for COVID anxiety
                        KINDLE-HiDef-3-book-series-2566-x-3846-px-683x1024 Resources for COVID anxiety

                        The Lemon Moms Series:

                        B&N
                        Kindle
                        Audible
                        Amazon
                        Nook
                        Google
                        Apple

                        Available formats: eBook, audiobook, hardcover, paperback, and large print too!

                        All are available worldwide at your favorite bookstore!

                        If not stocked, store copies may be ordered through the global distributor, IngramSpark.

                        For ordering through Amazon in the US and other countries:

                        Amazon US, Amazon UK,  Amazon Germany, Amazon France, Amazon Italy, Amazon Japan, Amazon Canada, Amazon Australia, Amazon Netherlands, Amazon Spain

                        In the US? No Amazon Prime? Buy directly from the author to

                        GET FREE SHIPPING (U.S.)

                        Get the TOOLBOX articles twice monthly to your inbox!

                        Your Free Gift:
                        Inner Child Healing Meditation mp3

                          We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.


                          Visit Author’s Site

                          About the Author

                          Facetune_06-05-2021-18-24-57 Resources for COVID anxiety

                          As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping skills and healing strategies for herself. She happily shares those with others who want to learn and grow. 

                          Her Lemon Moms series and other books and articles are a combination of her education, knowledge, personal growth, and insight from her childhood experiences and subsequent recovery work.

                          Diane holds a Master of Science degree in Information Technology and a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology. She’s worked in numerous fields, including domestic violence and abuse, and is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer about family dysfunction. On The Toolbox, she writes about recovery strategies from hurtful people and painful, dysfunctional, or toxic relationships. She has authored four transformational books about healing and moving forward from narcissistic Victim Syndrome.

                          Visit her author’s site here: DianeMetcalf.com

                          Learn about the Lemon Moms series here: Lemon Moms

                          This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

                           

                          Read more

                          Please share!

                          Reading time: 1 min
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