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Boundaries•Detaching•Self Care

How to Talk with Your Narcissistic Mother

mother daughter talk
August 3, 2022 by Diane M. Metcalf, MS No Comments

Why you can’t please her, why she withholds love and affection, and why nothing you do is good enough. Why you can’t win.

Have you ever felt apprehensive about interacting or talking with your mother? That could be a signal that you feel unsafe to some degree, emotionally or physically. Remember, you have intuition, and it’s there to protect you. It’s important to acknowledge what your intuition suggests without judging or assigning any value, like “bad” or “wrong.” Affirm yourself by accepting the feelings you have about talking with your mother and acknowledging that you have reason to feel the way you do. Recognize that what you are sensing is valid, and honor that. Don’t lie to yourself, and don’t gaslight yourself. This could be a turning point for healing. It’s time to be real.

Quick Document Links

  • Pointless Arguments
  • Emotionally Exhausting Discussions
  • End Frustrating Conversations
  • Tools for Healing

“With a narcissistic mother, we’re not allowed to express feelings like anger, and we’re certainly not allowed to talk back or disagree. We can’t show happiness, have fun, or be silly without earning her disapproval.”

If your mother has narcissistic traits or is a narcissist, then it’s improbable that you’ll be able to have that heart-to-heart connection with her that you’ve always longed for. You know: where you can just visit peacefully, enjoy each other’s company, and relate. In your fantasy, you feel lighthearted, and being with her feels easy. You laugh, and you feel safe and comfortable. In your imaginary time together, your mother doesn’t judge you, criticize, or make barbed comments, and you don’t have to justify and defend your every thought, feeling, or choice. In your fantasy, your mother accepts and supports you; she hears you, she sees you, and you feel as though you matter a great deal to her. You feel secure in knowing she’s got your back.

Yes, those of us with narcissistic mothers have those kinds of fantasies. And in recovery, we learn to accept that she’s simply not capable of this kind of emotional connection, and we begin to let that idea go so that we can get unstuck and move forward. In healing, we come to realize that there are and always will be others who want an emotional connection with us, and we nurture those relationships. Some of us may even be fortunate enough to find a mother figure who meets our needs.

No, you won’t have that heart-to-heart connection with her, but you can learn to interact with her without getting hurt or frustrated. You can learn how to protect yourself and minimize the severity of the usual painful exchanges. Of course, you have the choice to go “no contact.” For me, “no contact” felt extreme, binary, and “all or none.” I wanted to try something different that would allow interaction while keeping me safe, remaining in my power. So I developed a method that, over time, worked to protect me during our interactions.

Pointless Arguments

Narcissists live by their emotions, and their emotional state dictates how they respond. By the way, there is no scientific consensus on a definition of emotion. In my books, I define emotion as a feeling which has a chosen meaning attached to it. So, a feeling + a chosen meaning = an emotion.

As we know, emotions are not data, and they’re not factual. Emotions are chemically driven and are affected by a myriad of variables like environmental stimuli, physical health, age, worldview, self-talk, sleep quality and quantity, stress level, personal experience, food choices, beliefs, memories, thoughts, and much more. Narcissists may understand this, but they can’t relate to it.

For example, can the weather cause you to feel an emotion? Well, maybe. If you’re inside today, cozy and comfortable, and it begins to storm, do you feel any emotion about it? Some will say yes, and some will say no. But if you’re getting married today and it begins to downpour, will you have feelings about it? You’ll likely have strong feelings; disappointment, anger, sadness, or others. If you’re a farmer during a drought, you’d be elated about the drencher. In each example, the meaning each person gives to “rain” is very different, and the resulting emotion will align with that meaning. As they say, “perspective is everything.”

mother-wheelchair-300x277 How to Talk with Your Narcissistic Mother

Narcissists have a self-centered perspective, and as their emotions change, their reality changes along with it. They view the present moment however their emotional filters are presenting it, and they’re usually going to be a victim. Discussions with a narcissistic mother are frustrating. If your mother is a narcissist, conversations seem futile and pointless. You’re not heard, much less understood. Your thoughts, feelings, and opinions are invalidated or mocked. You might even be called names or shouted at.

“You won’t have a heart-to-heart connection with your mother, but you can learn how to interact with her in a way that feels empowering.”

When emotionally healthy adults disagree with each other, they still speak politely to each other. They use logic, intelligence, good judgment, and skill sets like negotiation and compromise. In conversations with emotionally immature people like narcissists, this isn’t possible. A narcissistic mother talks at you and doesn’t hear what you say. She’s preoccupied, thinking of her next response and reviewing the list of ways that you’ve “wronged her.” Because she’s driven by emotion and the need to feel admired, correct, and superior, she challenges every point you make.

Emotionally Exhausting Discussions

Narcissistic moms enjoy having pointless arguments. They love it when we keep explaining, keep trying, and keep showing her that we’re emotionally invested in our relationship with her. They love that we care about what she thinks of us. These are forms of narcissistic supply for her. Have you ever had a long argument about nothing? That’s a form of supply; she was rejuvenated while you were being drained.

To minimize the possibility of a time-wasting, emotionally exhausting discussion, particular actions need to be taken before, during, and after talking with your narcissistic mother.

End Frustrating Conversations

From now on, conversations with your mom need to be planned. You’ll need to strategize. This sounds ridiculous when you consider you’re going through all of this trouble just to have a conversation with your mother. It shouldn’t be this difficult, right? You might even feel anger or resentment because of all the extra time and planning it will take to have a civil conversation with her. I get it, and it’s OK to feel that way. I did too.

What you’re doing here is taking back your power. Based on past experience, you’re thinking about the different scenarios, twists, and turns the conversation could take, and you’re preparing to handle them with grace and dignity.

You’re attempting to maximize the possibility of a drama-free discussion, which is a respectable goal. This is not about your mother; it’s about you. You’re going to take back your power and run this show. Focus on what you want that to look like and use the tools available. These tools include limiting your expectations, setting personal boundaries, and knowing and controlling your emotional triggers.

You need to be comfortable setting your expectations and boundaries for this conversation. Don’t try this until you’ve done the work regarding expectations and boundaries.

You need to be aware of your emotional triggers and have a plan for what you’ll do if you get triggered. The last thing you want to do is lose control of your emotions. Remember—your emotional outburst is her narcissistic supply. If you lose control of yourself, that will be a reward for her. Do not reward her. The whole idea here is to deny her any narcissistic supply so that you can have a drama-free conversation.

At first, you might feel anxious about setting the “rules of engagement” for your talk. With practice, it becomes more comfortable each time, and you’ll want to continue doing it because it works.

Here’s a general outline for preparing for a conversation with your narcissistic mother. I developed this strategy and tweaked it over the years, and I’ve had great success with it:

  • Set the date. Choose a day and time when you’re likely to feel confident and centered. The more you practice mindfulness, becoming aware of your moods, triggers, cycles, etc., the more self-aware you’ll become.
  • Set start and end times for the conversation. Be prepared to stick to the time frame.
  • Limit the length of contact and keep it brief. Estimate how much time this conversation would typically take with someone other than your mom and aim for that amount.
  • Set ground rules (boundaries) around how you’d like the conversation to flow.
  • Notify your mother (or not). If her schedule fluctuates or you’re meeting at a designated spot, you’ll need her cooperation to schedule a get-together. If you interact with her regularly, you won’t need to set a formal date unless you feel strongly that you should. (Personally, I wouldn’t give any indication that something different or unexpected is about to happen.)
  • Be ready to end the conversation early. It’s OK if that happens.

Every interaction with a narcissist has a cost. Know and accept what that cost will probably be for you.

Before you meet:

  • Strategize: know what you want to talk about and the points you want to make. Have your facts ready.
  • Examine and understand your expectations for this discussion and revise them where necessary. I’ve heard expectations defined as “premeditated resentments.” Try not to have expectations. If you don’t expect a particular outcome, you can’t be disappointed.
  • Set personal boundaries regarding the behaviors you will and will not accept from your mother. Have a plan for how you’ll respond if she exhibits unacceptable behaviors.
  • Know what activates your emotional triggers. Have a planned response for when your mother starts pushing those buttons so you’re not caught off guard and succumb to the attack.
  • Practice the conversation alone or with a trusted family member or friend, but practice!

The day of:

  • Understand your topic of conversation and why you chose it. Review your expectations and your boundaries again.
  • Review your triggers and what you’ll do if you get triggered.
  • Take a deep breath, meditate, or do whatever makes you feel grounded.
  • Visualize the conversation going the way you want it to. Envision your personal power as an interior ball of energy. Imagine a control panel to vary the level of power and crank it up until it’s radiating brightly, enveloping you. Keep this image with you throughout your meeting.
  • Go over the ground rules (boundaries) with her. Do this calmly, respectfully, and firmly whether it’s the first time or the hundredth. Your mother needs to be aware of the requirements necessary for the conversation to continue. She needs to know that if she doesn’t adhere to them, the discussion will end immediately when the boundary is broken. She doesn’t need to agree with this. This is your boundary, and it’s for you, not her. For example, to state your boundary and the consequence for breaking it, you can say something like: “I know in the past when we’ve disagreed, it ended badly. I don’t want that to happen again. It’s important to me that we listen to and hear each other and respect each other’s feelings, so if we can’t maintain a calm and respectful tone, I will leave.” This is not a threat; it is a boundary that you have set to keep yourself safe. A boundary is a form of personal power, something you do for yourself in response to someone’s inappropriate behavior. A boundary allows choices, including the choice to break the boundary and experience the consequences, whereas a threat takes away choices. A threat is a form of manipulation with the intent to control.
mother-hug-200x300 How to Talk with Your Narcissistic Mother

Now, this is really important: if you say you will leave when the boundary is broken, then you absolutely have to leave. Don’t argue back. Don’t defend yourself. Don’t explain. When that boundary of calm and respect has been broken, you just get up and go. There is no explanation necessary because you already gave it before the conversation started.

It’s important to honor your boundaries; otherwise, you’re teaching your mother that you’re “all talk but no action.” It hurts the first time you enforce a boundary. It hurts the next time too. But here’s my point: if you’re consistent, your mother will learn that she can’t treat you poorly anymore. Whether she likes it or not, she’ll learn that she must honor your boundaries if she wants to have any interaction with you at all.

Training your mother to behave differently when she’s with you will take time and repetition. There’s nothing more frustrating to her than pushing your buttons and getting no response, getting no supply from you. It’s not going to happen on the first attempt. To make her understand that you’re serious, you’ll need to enforce your boundaries repeatedly. Keep in mind that she’s not becoming empathetic, more understanding, or more emotionally attached to you. No, those are complex changes that she’s not capable of making. What’s actually happening is much more straightforward: she’s learning that her source of supply (you) goes away when she does x, y, or z.

During the conversation:

  • Be direct. Speak assertively.
  • Make factual statements. Do not explain your feelings or your choices. Explaining yourself only serves to feed your mother’s ego and give her more attention and supply.
  • Do not defend or justify. Do not provide any supply. Use the gray rock method if you know it.
  • Maintain your boundaries.
  • Stay in your power. Remember, you will act with dignity and grace in your personal power. It does not matter how she chooses to act.

Don’t forget; that your mother has a right to her own thoughts and perceptions of you. This isn’t about trying to get her to see you or accept you. That’s not going to happen. This is about sharing information and feelings authentically.

Having a conversation with a narcissistic mother feels like a game of emotional tug-of-war. But when you drop your end of the rope, the game stops. It can’t continue unless you pick up your end and start pulling again. So, no more games. You don’t have to explain that you’re no longer playing or why. Your actions speak loud and clear: when you drop the rope, you’re demonstrating that she no longer has control over you.

If you haven’t tried this, I can tell you from experience that it’s very empowering.

After the conversation:

Take some quiet time alone to review how it went and how you feel. Journal about the conversation’s pros and cons. Talk about how it went well and how it didn’t. Write about what you’ll need to do differently the next time you get together. Write it out, review it, and use it the next time you spend time with your mother. Doing these will build the consistency that it takes. Each time you interact, you’ll make those little tweaks and changes, and eventually, you’ll have a solid way of conversing with your mom that works for you.

Now, go do something wonderful for your self-care.


Could you be feeling the effects of Narcissism Awareness Grief? Download the free chapter to find out:

EXPERIENCING NARCISSISM AWARENESS GRIEF

from Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism


Tools for Healing

Discover the Traits of a Narcissistic Mother

Understand the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

Learn about dysfunctional family roles

Limit expectations

Learn why words can hurt as much as physical abuse

Take the Adverse Childhood Experiences Quiz to see how childhood trauma is affecting you

More Resources You May Like:

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    I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal, by Diane Metcalf

    A step-by-step method to learn how to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

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      About the Author

      Facetune_06-05-2021-18-24-57-239x300 How to Talk with Your Narcissistic Mother

      As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping and healing strategies. She happily shares those with those who want to learn and grow in their own recovery journies. 

      Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on narcissism, family dysfunction, and abuse. She draws from her personal childhood experiences, as well as her work in human service fields like domestic violence and partner abuse. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

      Her transformational books about healing and moving forward include the highly praised “Lemon Moms” series. This emotionally supportive collection explains narcissistic traits and teaches how to reconcile past hurts to begin self-nurturing, healing, and moving forward.

      See what’s new on DianeMetcalf.com

      Learn about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

      This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

      Read more

      Please share!

      Reading time: 13 min
      Boundaries•Self Care•Trauma

      How to Recognize Hurtful, Unsupportive and Non-nurturing People

      Love shouldn't hurt
      June 3, 2022 by Diane M. Metcalf, MS No Comments

      When it comes to healing from any kind of abuse, or mistreatment, The Toolbox recognizes the importance of identifying unhelpful thoughts and behaviors, and then replacing them with healthy ones. The writing here also stresses empowerment: by setting personal boundaries, finding our authentic selves, speaking our truths, nurturing our inner children, and by affirming and validating ourselves. Here, the connection is made clear between gaslighting, codependency, trauma bonds, C-PTSD, attachment styles, and our future health, well-being, and relationships.

      Identifying those individuals who would interrupt, reverse, or stall our healing process is a necessary part of that ongoing recovery journey.

      Quick Document Links:

      • Identifying toxic people is an essential step in healing from any kind of abuse or mistreatment
      • “Paying attention to their words” means:
      • “Paying attention to your emotions” means checking in with your feelings:
      • “Paying attention to their behavior” means you need to:
      • More Tools

      Identifying toxic people is an essential step in healing from any kind of abuse or mistreatment

      As you begin recovering from the effects of gaslighting, codependency, cognitive dissonance, trauma bonding, betrayal, or C-PTSD, your self-care organically becomes more important. As part of your everyday self-care, it’s crucial to know how to recognize toxic or dangerous individuals (and limit your exposure to them by using boundaries.) This is an ongoing way to take care of and protect yourself from further trauma or victimization.

      The WEB Method is a “quick and easy way to identify potentially dangerous people.” WEB stands for words, emotions, and behavior. The method was developed by a licensed social worker, Bill Eddy. According to Eddy, there are three things to examine to find out if there’s a chance someone may be unsafe:

      The WEB method requires you to pay attention to:

      1. the WORDS the individual uses
      2. YOUR emotions (How do you feel when around this person: On high alert? Unsafe? Unsure? Hesitant? Confused? Embarrassed? Afraid? Etc.)
      3. THEIR behavior (How do they act: Arrogant? Blaming? Shaming? Critical? Cruel? Lacking empathy? Unstable? Risk-taking? Etc.) (Eddy 2018).

      “Paying attention to their words” means:

      • Noticing if they use either extremely positive or extremely negative words to describe you or others. This indicates black and white thinking, a trait of narcissists, and those who have personality disorders, including psychopaths.
      • Looking for words that indicate a lack of emotional empathy or lack of interest or disregard for others. Again, narcissistic traits, as well as those with borderline personality disorder, sociopaths, and psychopaths.
      • Spotting words that indicate that they see themselves as a victim or that they think they’ve been duped, targeted, or wounded. These are traits of narcissists as well as individuals who blame, make excuses, shirk responsibility, harbor resentment, and use negative self-talk.

      You’ve made a lot of progress and come too far to let yourself get involved with a shaming, blaming, “poor me.”

      Notice if they virtue signal. Virtue signaling is the not-so-humble declaration of one’s morals and values. “I’m generous,” “I’m extremely open-minded,” “I’m a good person.” These could be examples of words not matching actions. When someone wants others to believe what they say about themselves, it’s a type of gaslighting. Most of us don’t need to talk about or convince others of our good qualities. When a person possesses admirable character and integrity, they don’t need to announce or advertise it. They simply live it, and people notice.

      “Paying attention to your emotions” means checking in with your feelings:

      • How do you feel when you’re around this person? Confused? Emotionally Drained? Hurt? Defeated? Exhausted? Misunderstood? Stupid? Inadequate? Bullied? Sick? Mocked? Belittled? Humiliated? Why do you think you feel this way? What is your body trying to tell you?
      • Do they seem too good to be true? “Charm” is considered to be a warning sign. People who intensely or endlessly flatter, praise, or compliment are often manipulative. Pouring on the charm may indicate that they’re a deceptive or controlling person. Keep monitoring.
      • Do you feel like you can’t catch your breath or you can’t think straight when you’re around them? Psychopaths, sociopaths, borderlines, and narcissists can overwhelm others with their posturing and self-directed focus. They dominate conversations, don’t allow differences of opinion, and keep the focus on themselves. Conversations often feel like debates, and it’s usually hard to change the subject, or disengage, because they simply won’t’ allow it. When you’re in a discussion with a narcissist, you’ll feel unheard, misunderstood, or dismissed, and you’ll likely be mocked, or ridiculed if you challenge or disagree with them.
      shark-1-300x169 How to Recognize Hurtful, Unsupportive and Non-nurturing People

      “Paying attention to their behavior” means you need to:

      • Focus on their actions. Dangerous, toxic, and mentally ill people including narcissists are often defensive and will verbally or even physically attack those who criticize or appear to challenge them. Notice how they treat others. Do they humiliate or shame others? Do they embarrass you or cause you to want to apologize for their behavior?
      • Notice their dismissal, disregard, or indifference of yourself or others. Do they interrupt you? Talk over you? Scorn, laugh at, or minimize your point of view? Is the message that what they say or do is more important than anybody else? These indicate an ego-centered worldview. Not good.
      • Notice if they blame others for their own mistakes or poor choices. Narcissists and “poor-me’s” are famous for being big blamers. They shirk responsibility and don’t learn from their mistakes. Nothing is ever their fault. They don’t make mistakes!
      • Notice if they encourage others to admire them. Do they seek attention, compliments, praise, or admiration? These are all forms of narcissistic supply, indicating that you may have a narcissist on your hands.

      Could you be feeling the effects of Narcissism Awareness Grief? Download the free chapter to find out:

      EXPERIENCING NARCISSISM AWARENESS GRIEF

      from Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism


      Healing from abuse, betrayal or mistreatment is a complex, energy-consuming, and often painful undertaking. It requires commitment, patience, and time. It means doing the hard work and taking excellent self-care. Protecting ourselves from those who would hurt, take advantage, manipulate, or interrupt, (reverse, or stall) our progress, is part of that process.

      All the best-

      More Tools

      Start using positive detachment

      Learn to set boundaries

      Learn about dysfunctional family roles

      Find out what trauma does to your brain

      Learn about codependency and other maladaptive coping skills

      Understand the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

      Learn about Narcissism Awareness Grief

      More Resources You May Like:

      Join the Free Email Survival Course:

      Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

      Private Facebook group included for members only.

      Register Here!
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        I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal, by Diane Metcalf

        A step-by-step method to learn how to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

        Quick US links:

        Author’s Site: Free Shipping
        Barnes and Noble
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          3D-3-book-series How to Recognize Hurtful, Unsupportive and Non-nurturing People
          Visit the Author’s Site

          About the Author

          Facetune_06-05-2021-18-24-57-239x300 How to Recognize Hurtful, Unsupportive and Non-nurturing People

          As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping and healing strategies. She happily shares those with those who want to learn and grow in their own recovery journies. 

          Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on narcissism, family dysfunction, and abuse. She draws from her personal childhood experiences, as well as her work in human service fields like domestic violence and partner abuse. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

          Her transformational books about healing and moving forward include the highly praised “Lemon Moms” series. This emotionally supportive collection explains narcissistic traits and teaches how to reconcile past hurts to begin self-nurturing, healing, and moving forward.

          See what’s new on DianeMetcalf.com

          Learn about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

          This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

          Read more

          Please share!

          Reading time: 5 min
          Healing Affirmations•Self Care•Self-talk

          Ditch the Unsupportive Inner Dialogue

          self love
          March 6, 2022 by Diane M. Metcalf, MS No Comments

          It’s not surprising to know that our inner dialogue is connected to how we feel and think about ourselves. If you beat yourself up for perceived failures or shortcomings, how does that help you? Does it motivate you to change? Does it keep you feeling bad and keep you stuck? How is that different from how a toxic or abusive person treats you?

          Recovering from any kind of trauma, abuse or mistreatment requires more than reading, educating ourselves, and revisiting old memories. It requires getting in touch with our feelings, prioritizing self-care, dumping limiting beliefs, and learning to set and enforce boundaries. It means learning new ways of communicating, increasing self-esteem and self-confidence, and detaching from people who aren’t good for us.

          Quick document links

          • Negative and Unsupportive
          • Two Powerful Words
          • The Work
          • Positive Affirmations vs. Codependency
          • Healing Affirmations
          • Tools for Healing

          It means doing the work, and I believe that going from an unsupportive inner dialogue to an uplifting and proactive one brings about positive change.

          Until I began my own healing journey in earnest, I continued attracting toxic people and exercising my people-pleasing, codependent coping skills. I fixed and helped others without their invitation to do so. I felt resentful when they ignored my advice or were unappreciative of my help. Makes no sense, right?

          In regard to healing specifically from narcissistic abuse, narcissism specialists say that we have two choices when dealing with those on the narcissistic spectrum: 1. live on their terms or 2. go “no contact.” For me, going no contact felt like a form of avoidance, and it wasn’t in line with the goals I had for myself. I wanted to learn how to heal and get my power back, not avoid. Going “no contact” wasn’t the right choice for me. So, I created a third option: I walked through the chaos and confusion of my mother’s narcissistic behavior, armed with new coping skills and strategies while protecting myself with boundaries. Retooling my self-talk in the form of positive affirmations was part of that package too, and I’ve included some of my favorite affirmations at the bottom of this article. I hope you check them out!


          Negative and Unsupportive

          In talking about affirmations, you might be more familiar with the negative types; those hurtful, unkind, and destructive things we tell ourselves. They are unsupportive inner dialogues that run in the background of our thoughts. We hear them as that little voice that whispers, “you’re too fat to be wearing that,” or “none of these people care about what you think,” or “you’re not smart enough to do that.” Those negative affirmations can do a lot of harm to our self-confidence and self-esteem. It’s time to replace them. Let’s kick the negativity out altogether. When we’re on a path of self-discovery, recovery, and moving forward, negative self-talk has no place in our lives.

          If we grew up surrounded by dysfunction, especially in a narcissistic home, we got the message that we couldn’t do anything right, weren’t good enough, or didn’t matter. If we had a narcissistic mother, her words and behavior cut us deeply, like emotional knives. And long after we left home, that cruel, critical, internalized voice stayed with us.

          We may try convincing ourselves that we’re over-reacting, that no harm was done, or that those painful memories we keep experiencing never really happened (self-gaslighting.) However, denying the reality of a painful childhood and allowing emotional wounds to remain unhealed leaves us unprepared for life’s challenges as adults. Our unhealed triggers and wounded inner child can keep us stuck perceiving, feeling, and responding like frightened children.

          I-AM-1-150x150 Ditch the Unsupportive Inner Dialogue


          Two Powerful Words

          Positive, healing affirmations remind us of who we are when we are living as our authentic selves. Affirmations remind us of who we are when we are living as our true selves. By following our intuition, and writing and speaking positive affirmations, we begin to honor and eventually become our authentic selves and create our best lives possible. We become our best ”I Am.”

          Affirmations are designed to promote an optimistic mindset; they have been shown to reduce the tendency to dwell on negative experiences (Wiesenfeld et al., 2001.) Optimism is powerful! When we replace negative thoughts with positive ones, we create a whole new mindset and perspective about “who we are” and what we can accomplish.

          I-am-300x300 Ditch the Unsupportive Inner Dialogue

          The Work

          Using strong positive affirmations helps with boundary setting, feeling safe, improving self-trust and self-esteem, increasing self-confidence and personal empowerment, and healing C-PTSD symptoms.


          Positive Affirmations vs. Codependency

          Positive affirmations are the opposite of codependency. By speaking positive affirmations, we are reminded that we are powerful, that we matter, that we are worthy and that we already have the answers we seek. When we stand in this truth, our truth, we feel this. We know this.

          If we don’t frequently remind ourselves of who we are as our best selves we can easily slip into living on others’ terms and lose our identities. We can quickly become other-focused and work to become what someone else wants us to be. This loss of self is at the core of codependency, (aka enabling and people-pleasing.)

          I’ve heard it said that “damnation is the discontinuation of growth and development.” We may not know where we’re going, but let’s not go back to where we’ve been. Instead, keep growing, keep learning, keep moving forward, and continue healing. Learn to trust the ebb and flow of life and, most importantly, in yourself.

          Here are some healing affirmations from my book, Lemon Moms Life-altering Affirmations: Change Your Self-talk, Change YourSELF. They were specifically written for those who are in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic traits, but they can be useful to anyone who needs them. Many of them help diminish codependent thinking and behaving.

          These affirmations will help if you’re: healing from narcissistic or abusive interactions, progressing through Narcissism Awareness Grief, experiencing Narcissism Victim Syndrome, at any phase in the cycle of abuse, or living with someone who has distorted thinking or mental illness. Some affirmations are repeated in more than one category because they apply to more than one.

          I sincerely wish you healing and peace.

          If you’re interested in Lemon Moms Life-Altering Affirmations: Change Your Self-talk, Change YourSELF– it’s sold worldwide, including Amazon Kindle, Amazon Paperback, B&N Nook, B&N Paperback, Google Play, Apple Books

          Healing Affirmations

          For Calming Fight or Flight (Affirmations to help deal with hypervigilance)

          • I have confidence in myself.
          • The past is over. I happily focus on the present moment, feeling empowered.
          • I acknowledge and protect my personal power.
          • I am safe.
          • I hear, affirm, comfort, and validate my inner child.
          • I trust my mind.
          • I trust my decisions.
          • My self-talk is strictly positive.
          • I trust my senses of sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch.
          • I am whole.
          • I can, and I will.
          • I heal more every day.
          • I am in control of what I think and how I feel.
          • I am a survivor and healed warrior. 
          • Today I give myself the freedom to make an error and know that it does not affect my worth as a human being.
          • I release old habits and practice new ones.
          • I let go of controlling or manipulating others.
          • I know and trust my own mind.

          For Working Through Narcissism Awareness Grief (Affirmations to help deal with feelings of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, rewriting, acceptance)

          • I always mattered, but my mother couldn’t see it or acknowledge it.
          • I am in charge. Today’s thoughts create my future.
          • I hear, affirm, comfort, and validate my inner child.
          • This is stressful, so I take extra good care of myself today.
          • I stay in the present and focus on one day at a time.
          • I let myself rest without judgment.
          • I am kind and gentle with myself.
          • Today I honor and cherish my inner child, who was blameless then and now.
          • Now is the time to step into my power.
          • I am loved, loving and lovable.
          • I can do hard things.
          • When I have a problem, I focus on solutions.
          • I am naturally relaxed and confident.
          • I am safe and secure.
          • I am emotionally and physically strong.
          • I allow peace into my life.
          • I effectively communicate my needs and desires.
          • I accept that others love the best they can and may be limited in their ability to express love.
          • I am centered and focused.
          • I am unaffected by the desires of others

          To Feel Accepted (Affirmations to help deal with being scapegoated and rejected)

          • I use my voice, and I am heard.
          • Only I can determine my self-worth.
          • I let go of the need for others to validate me.
          • I value myself.
          • I am human. It’s OK to be imperfect.
          • I focus on what I can control, and I release the rest.
          • I make healthy choices for myself.
          • I ask for help when I am struggling.
          • I allow others to live their lives and release the need to worry or control.
          • I am stronger than I thought.
          • I lean on others for support, and I am lovingly supported.
          • I find something for which to be grateful every day.
          • I am loving, intelligent, and creative, and I make positive changes in my life.
          • I am a survivor and healed warrior. 
          • I deserve good things in life.
          • My relationships are respectful and peaceful.
          • I release old habits and practice new ones.
          • I am connected with my authentic self.
          • I express myself confidently.
          • I hear my intuition and inner wisdom, and I listen.
          • I am well and worthy. 
          • I know and trust my own mind.
          • My boundaries are a form of self-love.
          • Only I can determine my self-worth.

          To Heal Betrayal Wounds (Affirmations to help deal with narcissistic dishonesty and lies)

          • I use my voice, and I am heard.
          • I let go of the need for others to validate me.
          • Only I can determine my self-worth.
          • I listen when my heart talks to me.
          • I reaffirm for myself that I am on the right path.
          • I happily focus on the present moment, feeling empowered.
          • I focus on what I can control, and I release the rest.
          • I lean on others for support, and I am lovingly supported.
          • I value myself.
          • I rely on my higher power for strength and guidance.
          • I easily dial up my confidence anytime I want.
          • I acknowledge the things that I like about myself and add to that list regularly.
          • I am resilient.
          • I am unaffected by others’ negativity.
          • I see the good things in myself.
          • When I feel overwhelmed, I choose healthy ways to cope.
          • I am intelligent and use my mind to make my life better.
          • I am a caring person, and people care about me.
          • I have strong intuition, and I trust it even if I don’t like what it tells me.
          • When I see red flags occurring in people or relationships, I pay attention to them and respond accordingly.
          • I ask for clarification when I am confused.

          To Heal Shame (Affirmations to help deal with feeling ashamed)

          • I am worthy of love, happiness, and fulfillment.
          • Only I can determine my self-worth.
          • I have everything I need to be successful.
          • I am strong and resilient.
          • I am complete and whole.
          • I embrace change. I am the author of my story.
          • I embrace my new life even when it makes others uncomfortable.
          • I hear, affirm, comfort, and validate my inner child.
          • I allow without judgment.
          • I focus on what I can control, and I release the rest.
          • Everything is working for my highest good.
          • I belong. I know that I am safe.
          • I have everything I need. I am safe. I am loved.
          • I feel safe wherever I am.
          • I give my time and energy to those who deserve it.

          Tools for Healing

          Learn why what you tell yourself matters

          Learn how to protect yourself with boundaries 

          Learn about the narcissistic abuse cycle

          Learn about dysfunctional family roles

          More Resources You May Like:

          Join the Free Email Survival Course:

          Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

          Private Facebook group included for members only.

          Register Here!
          Free 8-week email Survival Course

            I respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

            Get the TOOLBOX APP

            for instant information, support, and validation!

            Toolbox-App-on-Website-2 Ditch the Unsupportive Inner Dialogue
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            I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal, by Diane Metcalf

            A step-by-step method to learn how to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

            Quick US links:

            Author’s Site: Free Shipping
            Barnes and Noble
            Amazon
            Positivity Shop

            Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

            Sign-up for twice monthly coping and healing strategies right to your inbox!
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              About the Author

              Facetune_06-05-2021-18-24-57-239x300 Ditch the Unsupportive Inner Dialogue

              As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping and healing strategies. She happily shares those with those who want to learn and grow in their own recovery journies. 

              Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on narcissism, family dysfunction, and abuse. She draws from her personal childhood experiences, as well as her work in human service fields like domestic violence and partner abuse. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

              Her transformational books about healing and moving forward include the highly praised “Lemon Moms” series. This emotionally supportive collection explains narcissistic traits and teaches how to reconcile past hurts to begin self-nurturing, healing, and moving forward.

              See what’s new on DianeMetcalf.com

              Learn about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

              This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

              Read more

              Please share!

              Reading time: 9 min
              Narcissism•Self Care•Well-being

              Welcome

              flower looking at sky
              March 1, 2022 by Diane M. Metcalf, MS No Comments

              Welcome to The Toolbox! This is a safe space.

              The TOOLBOX is a place to nurture and redefine yourself after being involved (or while currently involved ) in a non-nurturing or unsupportive relationship.

              This site is about recognizing how someone’s neglect, emotional absence, mental illness, or distorted thinking affects you and applying new insights to improve your life.

              This is a safe space to learn skills and strategies to change yourself, and your relationships, challenge your thinking, and take back your personal power. It’s a place to begin healing and moving forward from the effects of emotionally absent people, unsupportive relationships, narcissists, and self-focused mothers aka “Lemon Moms.”

              What’s a Lemon Mom? A Lemon Mom may be on the narcissism spectrum or may have full-blown, diagnosable Narcissistic Personality Disorder. She lacks the capacity to bond with her children, and they grow up feeling “not good enough,” confused, unloved, misunderstood, unimportant, or invisible, that they “don’t matter” or have no influence. As adults they continue disliking, ignoring, or neglecting themselves, taking unnecessary risks, and being attracted to people who aren’t good for them. They minimize themselves so that others can feel good, and they stay in hurtful relationships, and put themselves last, if at all.

              On this site, diagnoses are irrelevant! If someone’s personality traits negatively impact your life or cause you pain, that’s what’s important to realize and change.

              You don’t need a professional diagnosis to determine a relationship is unhealthy, or make positive changes for yourself.

              I wrote the book “Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism” (and the rest of the Lemon Moms series) to safely walk others through the chaos and confusion of narcissistic behavior; what it is, what it does, and how to recover from its devastating effects. I include personal examples and action-oriented steps that you can start taking today. I teach how to decode crazy-making behavior, and use healthy skills and strategies to begin healing so you can move forward into your best life.

              The information provided here is based on my education, professional and personal experiences with domestic violence and abuse, my personal healing journey, and lots of current research.

              I hope you enjoy reading and learning what’s here. I especially hope that you celebrate your progress and keep moving forward in your own healing journey.

              I urge you to do the work.

              Diane Metcalf

              Read more

              In a non-nurturing relationship?

              Free Email Survival Course

              Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

              Private Facebook group included for members only.

              Register Here!
              Free 8-week email Survival Course

                I respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

                Please share!

                Reading time: 2 min
                Boundaries•Healing Affirmations•Self Care•Trauma

                How to Start Moving Forward

                I will not
                December 31, 2021 by Diane M. Metcalf, MS No Comments

                It feels like everywhere I look, there are articles and posts about manifesting a better future by using the “Law of Attraction.”

                The Law of Attraction suggests that thinking positive thoughts can bring about positive effects and that holding negative thoughts can bring adverse outcomes. This law is based on the belief that thoughts are a form of energy, so positive thoughts attract positive energy and vice versa.

                Humans are energy fields, and every human body is made of energy-producing particles in constant motion. So, everything in existence, including us humans, vibrates at particular frequencies and creates energy. (Srinivasan 2010.)

                Quick document links

                • Affirmations and the Law of Attraction
                • Let’s Get High
                • Mindfulness
                • Thoughts Become Things
                • Tools for healing

                There’s growing evidence that our body’s own electrical and magnetic energy can stimulate chemical processes that influence our health and well-being. “Vibrational medicine,” also called energy medicine, strives to use the energy generated by and around a person’s body to optimize their health. So, the Law of Attraction is backed by science.

                Affirmations and the Law of Attraction

                Affirmations are positive statements made in the present tense that impact our conscious and subconscious minds. By saying them regularly, we can raise our vibrational frequency. The Law of Attraction states that “like attracts like.” Therefore, when you begin vibrating in a higher, more positive frequency, you will start attracting higher-vibrational people and opportunities into your life.

                Positive affirmations are a “self-talk approach” for creating a positive, motivating outlook on life while becoming your authentic self. We are more easily able to connect with our authentic selves when our vibrations are high. Unfortunately, unhealthy, unsupportive inner dialogue can remain our default mode when we are not vibrating highly.

                But what is a vibration? How do you know if you are vibrating highly or not? Well, everything has a vibrational frequency. Quantum physics can illustrate this, but all that’s really required is remembering the basics.

                Remember learning about atoms and molecules in school? Atoms and molecules come together to create matter as solids, liquids, or gases. Atoms, the smallest indivisible units of matter, are made of energy and are constantly vibrating. Since atoms are made of vibrating energy, and all matter is made of atoms, all matter is made of energy, and all matter is vibrating. You don’t have to see vibrations to know they’re there. Have you ever walked into a room and felt its vibe? If you have, you’ve intuitively sensed whether the people in the room were getting along, were uncomfortable, excited, sad, or happy. When you walk into a room, and it “feels” a certain way, you’ve picked up on its vibration. And when you meet a person and immediately feel connected, it’s because you are most likely vibrating similarly!

                Our vibrations are continually changing, shifting with our moods, health, and according to the energy that surrounds us.

                We can choose whether we would like to vibrate higher or lower than our current state of being. When you vibrate at a lower frequency, it feels heavy, and when you’re vibrating at a higher frequency, you feel lighter, at ease, happy, and at peace. Vibrating at a higher frequency feels good! Focusing on that which brings us joy and happiness raises our vibrational frequency, and when we get ourselves into a higher vibration, we let go of that which no longer serves us.

                When you begin releasing everything that weighs you down to maintain a higher frequency or vibration, you will experience more positive emotions. Feeling good will be your default state of being.

                To help you better understand how your feelings vibrate, Abraham-Hicks has created the “emotional guidance scale” below. The feelings listed are ranked from highest to lowest vibrating. They give an idea of how you might be vibrating at any given time:

                • Joy/apprehension/empowerment/freedom/love
                • Passion
                • Enthusiasm/eagerness/happiness
                • Positive expectations/belief
                • Optimism
                • Hopefulness
                • Contentment
                • Boredom
                • Pessimism
                • Frustration/irritation/impatience
                • Overwhelm
                • Disappointment
                • Doubt
                • Worry
                • Blame
                • Discouragement
                • Anger
                • Revenge
                • Hatred/rage
                • Jealousy
                • Insecurity/guilt/unworthiness
                • Fear/grief/depression/despair/powerlessness

                Affirmations raise your vibration when you’re stuck in a low vibrational pattern like fear, worry, anxiety, doubt, and powerlessness. They are a powerful tool for manifesting change and lifting your attitude at the same time. Speaking positive affirmations is one of the quickest ways to raise your vibration!

                As you continue to use affirmations, your vibration will increase, and you’ll notice that you feel happier and more peaceful.  You’ll begin to attain your goals, fulfill your desires, and attract the people and experiences you want.

                blog-sunrise-300x168 How to Start Moving Forward

                Let’s Get High

                When we hold highly vibrating thoughts, feelings and behaviors, we naturally start to vibrate accordingly. When we vibrate at a higher frequency, we feel a sense of peace and connectedness to everything. We worry less because we’re confident, knowing everything in life is as it should be, and getting better in every way.

                By speaking affirmations every day, you’ll become consciously aware of your thoughts, attitudes, choices, and behaviors. You’ll notice where changes are happening and where changes still need to happen. You’ll feel more positive energy, and you’ll attract more positivity in the form of people and opportunities.

                Additional benefits:

                Mindfulness

                When implementing any change, you must be aware of the change you want to make throughout the day, every day, for it to be successful. You must intentionally commit to making the change every day.

                What do you want to change about yourself? Do you have personality traits or characteristics that you don’t like, criticize, judge, or loathe? Maybe you have habits or perceived shortcomings that you’d like to give up?  Is there an aspect of your life that you want to develop? Your answers to questions like these can give you ideas about the kinds of positive affirmations that you can create.

                Thoughts Become Things

                When we hold low vibrational thoughts and beliefs, we lower our vibration, inevitably hampering our affirmation’s likelihood of success. This is because our subconscious minds accept any repeated declaration as truth, even when these affirmations are negative. Be aware of your negative thoughts.

                We use affirmations to change the way we think about ourselves. Affirmations remind us of our highest potential, and our vibrational frequency must increase to match that potential. You must raise your vibration to align with your goals when you’re manifesting your best life.

                We know that affirmations are more likely to work when they vibrate highly. That’s because highly vibrating affirmations attract what we’ve always wanted but believed we couldn’t have. If your affirmations don’t vibrate highly, rewrite them.

                When you’ve learned how to write and use affirmations correctly, you will start manifesting your goals. As your vibration increases, you’ll become aware of your daily thoughts and practices, and you’ll begin living in alignment with the life you’re trying to create.

                As you write and speak your affirmations, focus on gratitude, love (including self-love), optimism, and spiritual guidance. This practice will further increase your vibrational frequency.

                After you write an affirmation, take a look at it, say it, and see how it feels. It should vibrate highly. Keep working on it until it does.

                To achieve the life you want, you will need to write robust, highly vibrating affirmations and believe these declarations to be already true. If you don’t write your affirmations correctly, saying them can be an absolute waste of time. Find out more about how to write affirmations that work in Lemon Moms Life-Altering Affirmations: Change your self-talk, change yourSELF.

                Tools for healing

                Learn about dysfunctional family roles

                Learn about codependency 

                Learn coping skills for the holidays and family visits

                Learn why what you tell yourself matters

                Learn why verbal abuse hurts us

                Learn how to protect yourself with boundaries 

                Learn about the narcissistic abuse cycle

                Learn about Narcissism Awareness Grief

                More Resources You May Like:

                Join the Free Email Survival Course:

                Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

                Private Facebook group included for members only.

                Register Here!
                Free 8-week email Survival Course

                  I respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

                  Get the TOOLBOX APP

                  for instant information, support, and validation!

                  Toolbox-App-on-Website-2 How to Start Moving Forward
                  GOOGLEPLAY-EMBLEM How to Start Moving Forward
                  app-store-logo How to Start Moving Forward

                  2-1024x1024 How to Start Moving Forward

                  I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal, by Diane Metcalf

                  A step-by-step method to learn how to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

                  Quick US links:

                  Author’s Site: Free Shipping
                  Barnes and Noble
                  Amazon
                  Positivity Shop

                  Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

                  Sign-up for twice monthly coping and healing strategies right to your inbox!
                  ​
                  ​
                  Your Free Gift:
                  An Inner Child Guided Healing Meditation MP3

                    We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

                    3D-3-book-series How to Start Moving Forward
                    Visit the Author’s Site

                    About the Author

                    Facetune_06-05-2021-18-24-57-239x300 How to Start Moving Forward

                    As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping and healing strategies. She happily shares those with those who want to learn and grow in their own recovery journies. 

                    Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on narcissism, family dysfunction, and abuse. She draws from her personal childhood experiences, as well as her work in human service fields like domestic violence and partner abuse. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

                    Her transformational books about healing and moving forward include the highly praised “Lemon Moms” series. This emotionally supportive collection explains narcissistic traits and teaches how to reconcile past hurts to begin self-nurturing, healing, and moving forward.

                    See what’s new on DianeMetcalf.com

                    Learn about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

                    This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

                    Read more

                    Please share!

                    Reading time: 6 min
                    Boundaries•Healing Affirmations•Self Care•Self-talk

                    What You Say to Yourself Matters!

                    blank face mask
                    September 12, 2021 by Diane M. Metcalf, MS No Comments

                    If you’re familiar with my blog or my work, you know I’m a huge fan of affirmations and any kind of positive self-talk. Heck, I even wrote a book about it! So let me ask you-

                    How’s YOUR Self-talk?

                    Have you ever really observed how you talk to yourself? Some of us are not very nice to ourselves, and others are just plain abusive. What kinds of things do you say to yourself? Is your self-talk positive and loving? Or maybe you beat yourself up and tell yourself hurtful things?

                    Quick Links

                    • Unconscious Commands
                    • Action Time
                    • More tools for healing:

                    Have you ever tried talking to yourself as you would speak with a friend? How would that feel? Try being understanding, considerate, and kind to yourself. You would do that for your friend, right? You would encourage her, or him or them, wouldn’t you? You can start doing the same for yourself right now. Acknowledging your feelings about yourself when you make a mistake or struggle and choosing to comfort and care for yourself is called “self-compassion.” Self-compassion promotes positive, healthy self-care practices and a healthy mindset, which help to heal codependency.

                    It’s not surprising to know that what we tell ourselves is linked to how we feel about ourselves. Changing your self-talk from an unsupportive inner dialogue to an uplifting and proactive one brings about positive change. But, if you beat yourself up for perceived failures or shortcomings, how does that help you? Does it motivate you to change? Does it keep you feeling bad and keep you stuck? How is it different from how your narcissistic mother treated you?

                    Do you tell yourself, “I’m just _______,” or “I’ve just always been this way,” or “that’s just how I’ve always been”? I have a couple of things to say about these types of comments: first, stop using the word “just.” When you add “just,” it implies that what you’re saying has low significance. It sounds apologetic and meek. Don’t believe me? Take the word “just” out of your self-talk. Say it with and without the word “just.” Do you see how it feels different? Are you more confident? Empowered? Serious? You tell me.

                    self-talk-300x200 What You Say to Yourself Matters!

                    Unconscious Commands

                    And what we say to ourselves isn’t only a description of what we believe about ourselves; it is a command. Your self-talk TELLS your mind what to think about you! When you tell yourself, “this is just who I am,” “I’ve always been _______,” or “I’ve always done ______,” it implies that there’s no room for change. These statements tell your brain, “this is it. This is final. There is no more.” Why would you want to do that? Chances are, you don’t know you’re doing it, and this is where self-awareness comes in. Start becoming aware of how you speak to yourself and the words that you use. Notice and take note for future reference.

                    Now, give yourself a break. You’re a human being, and no human being has ever been or will ever be perfect. Perfection doesn’t exist. Instead of comparing yourself to a non-existent standard, try focusing on your progress.

                    Results happen over time. Making positive life change is about progress, not perfection. Encourage yourself the way you’d encourage your friend or a small child. Tell yourself, “You’ve got this!” and eventually, you will get it! Be patient with yourself. It takes time to learn new things. Treating yourself with kindness, patience, and compassion does a lot towards reparenting yourself and healing your inner child too.

                    Action Time

                    Thinking about and remembering what happened in our childhoods doesn’t promote healing. That’s where many of us get stuck. Recovery requires more than reading, educating ourselves, and revisiting old memories. It requires action: getting in touch with our feelings, prioritizing self-care, dumping limiting beliefs, learning to set boundaries and enforce them, learning new ways of communicating, increasing self-esteem and self-confidence, doing inner child and reparenting work, and emotionally detaching.

                    It means doing the work, and I believe it begins with changing our unconscious, negative self-talk.

                    More tools for healing:

                    Learn to set boundaries 

                    Learn about dysfunctional family roles

                    Understand trauma bonds

                    Learn about codependency and maladaptive coping skills

                    Understand the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

                    More Resources You May Like:

                    Join the Free Email Survival Course:

                    Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

                    Private Facebook group included for members only.

                    Register Here!
                    Free 8-week email Survival Course

                      I respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

                      Get the TOOLBOX APP

                      for instant information, support, and validation!

                      Toolbox-App-on-Website-2 What You Say to Yourself Matters!
                      GOOGLEPLAY-EMBLEM What You Say to Yourself Matters!
                      app-store-logo What You Say to Yourself Matters!

                      2-1024x1024 What You Say to Yourself Matters!

                      I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal, by Diane Metcalf

                      A step-by-step method to learn how to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

                      Quick US links:

                      Author’s Site: Free Shipping
                      Barnes and Noble
                      Amazon
                      Positivity Shop

                      Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

                      Sign-up for twice monthly coping and healing strategies right to your inbox!
                      ​
                      ​
                      Your Free Gift:
                      An Inner Child Guided Healing Meditation MP3

                        We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

                        3D-3-book-series What You Say to Yourself Matters!
                        Visit the Author’s Site

                        About the Author

                        Facetune_06-05-2021-18-24-57-239x300 What You Say to Yourself Matters!

                        As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping and healing strategies. She happily shares those with those who want to learn and grow in their own recovery journies. 

                        Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on narcissism, family dysfunction, and abuse. She draws from her personal childhood experiences, as well as her work in human service fields like domestic violence and partner abuse. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

                        Her transformational books about healing and moving forward include the highly praised “Lemon Moms” series. This emotionally supportive collection explains narcissistic traits and teaches how to reconcile past hurts to begin self-nurturing, healing, and moving forward.

                        See what’s new on DianeMetcalf.com

                        Learn about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

                        This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

                        Read more

                        Please share!

                        Reading time: 3 min
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