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Daughters and sons of narcissistic mothers are out there, and they feel alone and misunderstood.

An emotionally healthy mother’s love is a powerful, lifelong theme for most children; her kindness, compassion, validation, and the loving bond that they share. For those of us who don’t have that kind of mom, memories, or relationship, we are keenly aware of those who do. And we wonder why we don’t. Because surely if our mothers can’t love us, it must be our fault. We must be unlovable, right?

American culture views motherhood as a saintly paradigm, promoting that mother love is instinctive, unconditional, and spontaneous; and that all women can love, empathize, and nurture. These myths and inaccuracies are detrimental; they harm unloved children’s spirits, holding them in a state of self-doubt and cognitive dissonance.

When a mother and adult child relationship fails, it’s the adult child who’s usually held responsible. These kinds of cultural perspectives can keep an unloved daughter or son stuck in the place they’ve been since childhood—knowing that something is wrong and blaming themselves. They wonder who will be able to love them if their own mothers can’t.

But mothering is a learned behavior in human beings. A spectrum of maternal behaviors exists, from healthy to toxic. Acknowledging this may be helpful when we think about Mother’s Day.

I used to spend a huge amount of emotional energy just selecting a Mother’s Day card. Today, there is more awareness and sensitivity regarding family dysfunction and the understanding that not all mothers are loving and kind. These days, it’s easier to find a more realistic card sentiment. But years ago, it was extremely difficult to find a card that didn’t boldly announce “Happy Mother’s Day to the Greatest Mother in the World!” or “I’m So Blessed That You’re My Mother” All of them gushed with sentiments that I didn’t feel, and all of them felt like lies. While I dealt with that, others dealt with decisions like: “Should I even send a card?” “Should I call?” “Should I see her?” “Should I ignore the day?” “What should I do?”

The thing is, if we’re still attempting to please and appease our narcissistic moms, we’re in a no-win situation. Whatever we do will not be good enough because it never has. Like others in this situation, every year I went through emotional pain and turmoil: on Mother’s Day, I was forced to face the stark and demoralizing humiliation of our one-sided relationship for the entire day. I was actually a mother myself, yet I was focused on making this day all about MY mother. I wasn’t able to enjoy what the day meant for me as a mother. I missed out on feeling connected with my kids and letting them focus on me, celebrating me. Instead, I expected them to focus on her too. The entire day was about my mother and making her happy. But of course, she never was. She spent the day criticizing the weather, the restaurant, the food, her gifts, and other people. For decades this continued and I didn’t see it because I was supremely codependent, unaware, and unhealed. Eventually, I awakened and realized that something needed to change. I finally accepted that she wasn’t going to change. I needed to change.

Experts say that with a narcissistic mother, you have two choices: live on her terms (focusing on her, chasing after her withheld love, acceptance, and affection) or go “no contact.” This feels like black and white (all or none) thinking to me, and I’ve never been a big fan. I prefer to see all the shades of gray. So I created a third option for myself: I identified my cognitive dissonance and C-PTSD symptoms and prioritized healing them with various forms of therapy. I refused to be gaslighted, I set enforceable boundaries and started trusting my mind and my memories. I no longer focused on what she did, said, wanted, or expected, and as a result, I no longer felt humiliated, unloved, invalidated, and rejected. Our relationship was finally on my terms.

Confusion and Cognitive Dissonance

As children, if our need for love and connection to our mothers was not met, we simply blamed ourselves. And then we began forming beliefs that we are not good enough and that we don’t matter.

If you are an empathetic person, you are naturally sensitive to others’ emotional needs. Trying to understand that narcissists don’t have the ability to feel empathy is difficult to understand or believe. As children of narcissists, we keep returning to that parent, again and again, hoping and wishing that it will be different this time. We focus on gaining approval, validation, acceptance, and love. We jump through any hoop offered. When nothing changes, it triggers more pain and confusion and a continuation of the “I’m not-good-enough’s” and “I-don’t-matter’s.”

Then we grew up, and we may have started to realize that the problem is not us! There is nothing—and there never was—anything inherently wrong with us, as we may have been led to believe.

You do not need a formal diagnosis to determine that your relationship is unhealthy. If it is, you can do something about it.

There’s a Name For It

“Narcissism Awareness Grief” (NAG) is a condition coined by Dr. Christine Hammond, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. She teaches that the loss of a mother’s love, warmth, interest, and connection is a momentous loss that must be consciously grieved.

Narcissism Awareness Grief acknowledges that our mothers’ narcissistic traits have negatively impacted us. When we begin to come to terms with how they have impacted us, we can break through the denial and start working through six stages of grief, to finally arrive at the final phase of Acceptance. When you fully understand and accept that you cannot change or control your mother’s perception of you, the ball is truly in your court. It’s from the point of Acceptance that your life can and will change. Remember, acceptance does not mean liking or agreeing. You can accept that your mother has narcissistic traits, but you don’t have to like it. Accepting and liking are two separate things.

I remember very well what it was like to experience Narcissism Awareness Grief. As I slowly became aware of how my mother’s narcissistic traits affected me, I felt a mixture of denial, disbelief, and a sense of overwhelming sadness. You see, when we discover that the dysfunction and trauma we experienced as children has an actual name, there’s an initial rush of validation. We suddenly realize that we’re not alone, that we’re not crazy, and that we haven’t imagined it. Narcissistic mistreatment, trauma, and abuse are real things, and we can recover from them.

Self-care

What can we adult children of maternal narcissists do to feel better on Mother’s Day?

Like most days, you can make the day into whatever you want. Here are a few suggestions that can help:

1. Question the card. Search for a generic Mother’s Day card if you want to send a card at all. Giving a card that says “Best Mom in the World” is an act of denial. The first step to healing is admitting how you feel about your relationship. NO MORE DENIAL. It takes courage not to buy that lying card. If you want to give a card, find one, or make one that better acknowledges how you feel.
2. Eliminate expectations. You can’t be disappointed if you don’t expect anything to be different this year. Learn to drop expectations.
3. Make new traditions. Do the day differently. Celebrate yourself! Do something you enjoy, whether solo or with a friend. Focus on self-care.
4. Feel and express your feelings. Give yourself permission to feel and express whatever you’re feeling. Give yourself space to cry, be angry, feel unloved, or grieve. Acknowledge that you have reason to feel these feelings, and validate your childhood memories. Write it all in a journal to get it out of your system in a healthy way.
5. Shift the focus. Practice gratitude, speak healing affirmations, or do something nice for someone else.
6. Make an appointment. If Mother’s Day annually triggers anxiety or depression, give yourself the gift of scheduled time with a professional to start the healing process.
7. Seek support. Find support groups in your area or online. Talking with others who understand narcissism dynamics can help in your healing journey. And as always, don’t try to explain it to those who don’t. Others who don’t understand narcissism may unknowingly invalidate you, causing further pain or trauma.
8. Express gratitude to the mothers you know who are loving and kind. Honor other women who have given you motherly love, perhaps a grandmother, aunt, or friend.
9. If you are a mother, work to end the legacy of one-sided love. Acknowledge and be grateful for your ability to love.
10. Start working on a recovery program, so you don’t pass the legacy down to your children. If you are already working on healing, good for you! Do the work!

On Mother’s Day, let’s all honor the mothers who have given their children the gifts of love and nurturing. Let’s applaud the mothers who are working on a program to change the family legacy of narcissistic mistreatment or abuse. And at the same time, let’s acknowledge the truths of the daughters and sons of mothers who cannot show love to their children.

You’re all in my thoughts,

Diane

Could you be feeling the effects of Narcissism Awareness Grief? Download the free chapter to find out:

from Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism

Tools for Healing

Start using positive detachment

Learn about Narcissism Awareness Grief

Learn to set boundaries

Learn about dysfunctional family roles

Understand trauma bonds

Learn about codependency and maladaptive coping skills

Understand the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

Learn to drop expectations

More Resources You May Like:

Join the Free Email Survival Course:

Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

Private Facebook group included for members only.

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I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal

A step-by-step method to learn how to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

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About the Author

As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping and healing strategies. She happily shares those with those who want to learn and grow in their own recovery journies. 

Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on narcissism, family dysfunction, and abuse. She draws from her personal childhood experiences, as well as her work in human service fields like domestic violence and partner abuse. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

Her transformational books about healing and moving forward include the highly praised “Lemon Moms” series. This emotionally supportive collection explains narcissistic traits and teaches how to reconcile past hurts to begin self-nurturing, healing, and moving forward.

See what’s new on DianeMetcalf.com

Learn about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

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Unexamined anger can create issues between you and others, or cause problems in your relationships, drain your energy, and lower your ability to think clearly and make decisions.

So, let’s talk about why you might feel some form of anger after recognizing how someone else’s narcissistic behavior has negatively impacted you.

Narcissists, whether they have a few narcissistic behaviors, or full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD,) mistreat others. The hypervigilance, trauma bonds, and cognitive dissonance created during this wounding also create emotional triggers.

If you have a memory, or when a certain event happens, and you immediately feel angry, it’s because your brain hasn’t fully processed it before reacting. These types of knee-jerk reactions are your “emotional triggers.”

To identify our emotional triggers, (aka “buttons“) we need to examine our feelings and our reactions to these feelings in deeper detail.

For example

If I’m in line to buy something and someone cuts in front of me, I might immediately feel angry and lash out at that person. Why would I do that? Well, it’s about how I interpret what’s going on, but the cause of the anger might not be what I assume it is. Isolating the cause (the “trigger” or “button”) is what this article is all about.

This first step is not about judging yourself. It is about gaining awareness. It’s about getting to know your mind and catching what it’s doing without your permission. Noticing when unconscious programming takes over is a necessary step if you want to discover your triggers.

How to discover and control emotional triggers

In the previous example, if my interpretation of the offending line-cutter is “they think they’re more important than me” or “they think they don’t have to wait like the rest of us,” or “what an entitled so-and-so! How disrespectful!” then I’ve given the line cutting behavior a specific meaning which relates to myself, and it may or may not be an accurate interpretation. The interpretation I’ve given the behavior might trigger feelings like: I don’t matter, I’m not important, or I’m not respected. It’s these first emotions that I feel(I don’t matter, I’m not important, I’m being disrespected) that trigger my anger.

But what if I stopped and gave the benefit of the doubt? What if I changed my interpretation? Maybe the person is stressed and in a hurry and didn’t notice the line? (I’ve done this myself.) What if they’re asking a quick question and don’t actually require service? (Not a nice thing to do, but still understandable and totally unrelated to me personally.) There are many other interpretations or reasons for someone’s behavior besides the limited ones that we can think of.

Let’s go deeper

Did you know that no one can “make” you feel angry? No one can “make” you feel anything, really. Our feelings are a choice. The behavior that results is also a choice. Those are big statements, and they’re backed by research. I’ve included the citations at the end of the article.

When you start this process of self-examination, it’s like peeling an onion. You’ll uncover hidden thoughts, beliefs, limitations, and judgments, and there will be surprises along the way. Everything that you uncover is an insight that will allow you to see yourself, and your world, from a larger perspective. This is called personal growth.

Example of a trigger

Let’s say someone does something, and the first thing that pops into your mind is that they think you’re not important! That you don’t matter! That you should be ashamed! Or that you’re stupid, don’t belong, or that they don’t like you. You immediately feel angry and want to say something mean or hurtful, or maybe you want to physically hurt them.

But let’s stop and take a closer look at what just took place. Upon closer inspection, you see that they didn’t actually SAY anything. The meaning for their behavior is coming from you and it’s causing you to feel an emotion! That first (primary) emotion is what’s causing your anger.

Whoa. Can you see that? Your interpretation of what they did may be correct or incorrect. The person has not actually said that you’re not important, that you don’t matter, that you should be ashamed, that you’re stupid, etc. It feels to you, through your interpretation, like that’s what they said or implied. Your interpretation determines what you will feel next. Do you see how your interpretation can drastically affect what you feel and what happens next?

Interpretation happens in your mind, and most of us, when we haven’t yet become aware, do not notice when it happens. That’s because it happens unconsciously. But after today, and when you start to apply conscious awareness, you will become aware of it. And when you change your interpretation of a memory or a present event, your primary emotion(s)and your resulting behavior also change. But what does that mean for you?

Now what?

After you acknowledge that you’ve interpreted a memory (or a present event,) and that the meaning caused you to feel a primary emotion (shame, dismissed, unimportant, disrespected, mocked, etc.,) that triggered anger, you can stop right there and question whether your interpretation was accurate or not.

Try to find out why you gave the memory or event that particular interpretation. Why not a different one? Asking and answering this question involves taking a fearless look at our less-than-perfect character traits and noticing which ones need improving. This is the opposite of blaming. This is knowing ourselves on a deeper level; knowing our buttons and why they exist in the first place. It’s about not only knowing what the buttons are but how to turn them off and shut them down for good.

Here are some primary emotions, or “buttons” that might trigger anger when pushed. Hint: It would be helpful to examine each one of these and journal your thoughts and insights about what you discover.

Primary buttons that trigger anger

1. Loss of control, powerlessness, victimization

If feelings of victimhood or loss of control are the primary emotion, you’ll be triggered to feel anger because you want to regain control over what’s happening, or what’s perceived to be happening. (Remember, a lot of this is your own interpretation.) These feelings, in particular, could cause you to overreact or lash out at others who triggered them. That’s because the loss of control, victimization, and fear are closely related. If you notice that you’re over-reacting or lashing out, take a look to see if you’re feeling powerless, victimized, or afraid.

2. Fear

Feeling afraid and feeling a loss of control are related, because the amygdala (a memory-creating brain structure) saves memories, not as stories, but as chunks and fragments of sensory input. Your memories are saved as bits and chunks of sounds, sights, smells, touches, and tastes. For those who have C-PTSD, any of these fragments that are also connected to fear can also trigger anger because of the strong need to regain control of the situation. (See number1.)

Our minds use fear as a method of keeping us safe. Even though fear is uncomfortable, it is a natural response, not a sign of weakness. When a memory causes you to re-experience feelings of fear, it’s OK to remind yourself that you’re in a safe place and that you’re experiencing a memory. It’s safe to examine this disturbing feeling a little deeper. When you begin to get a clearer picture of what’s really going on behind the scenes in your brain, by discovering the root cause of the fear, you’ll start to uncover the actual primary emotion trigger. Once you find the trigger, you can begin to understand it better, which will start you moving forward to remove its power in your life.

3. Frustration

Frustration is an emotional response to dealing with conditions that are outside of our realm of control. Being blocked from the desired outcome, or being challenged by a difficult task, are examples of events that can cause frustration. When someone feels frustrated, and it’s combined with fear, (for example, there is a difficult task that must be completed before a certain date to avoid negative consequences, and that date is drawing near) they may become aggressive. Often, when we feel frustrated, there is also a sense of powerlessness because you’re in a situation where you want to do something and you can’t. You feel like you have no available choices, or you don’t know what those choices are.

Focusing on a solution, rather than the problem, is always helpful. If you’re feeling frustrated about something, here are some questions to ask yourself that could change your perspective, and uncover a solution-

• What is it that I’m trying to achieve?
• Am I feeling blocked in the way I’m going about getting it?
• What are some other ways I can get it? Think of at least two.
• What steps can I take right now?
• Do I need to start working on accepting that I can’t change this situation?
• Do I need to change my goal, rather than give it up?
• Am I allowing fear to control my responses? How can I change that?

4. Feeling tired or overwhelmed

Feeling worn-out or exhausted impacts our ability to cope with challenging situations. When we’re tired, our minds can’t work at full capacity, and we may find ourselves misperceiving, misunderstanding, or making poor decisions. When we need rest, our patience and emotional resilience are low. You may feel like you’re at your limit for what you can handle, and that’s also connected to feeling frustrated. When you’re at your limit, feeling like you have no more ability to cope can feel scary and may cause you to feel afraid. Being pushed over that limit can trigger anger.

Are you beginning to see how fear keeps coming up in these scenarios? Fear is connected to many of our triggers.

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, stop and see if you can find the cause. Are you tired? Under more stress than usual? Are you in pain? Have you experienced a loss? Have your responsibilities increased? Have you lost a support system? Had a financial loss? What else has changed in your life recently?

Break the cause into smaller chunks and see where it becomes unmanageable. Do you need to ask for help with this unmanageable piece?

What are some healthy ways that you can start to respond to feeling overwhelmed? (Hint: take a nap, go to bed early, eat something if you’re hungry, call someone, move your body; go for a walk, do something physical, talk to someone, read.)

5. Grief

Grief is an overwhelming emotion, and it’s one of the hardest to deal with. Part of the dawning awareness that someone’s narcissistic behavior has negatively affected us, is noticing a strong feeling of loss. Feelings of loss can be confusing and painful, and often when going through the process of Narcissism Awareness Grief, we feel that sense of loss. We aren’t mourning for what we had. We are mourning for what we didn’t have; we are mourning for what could have been.

We mourn our lost sense of self. We mourn the love and acceptance we never got to experience, especially if we’re an invisible or scapegoat child. We grieve our lost sense of security because we were gaslighted. We mourn all the lost time, the time spent believing lies and engaging in people-pleasing. We mourn the loss of a soul connection. It’s natural to feel angry when there’s such a huge amount of loss.

When you’re angry, and you’re not sure why, ask yourself if grief could be the cause. Does the current situation remind you of something you’ve lost, could have had, or desired? If your anger is indeed grief-related, that’s an indication that you need to start working through the grief. Learn about the stages of grief and Narcissism Awareness Grief in particular. Get into a support group or find a therapist. Please don’t let being stuck in grief rob you of a happier future.

6. Codependent coping

When we’re codependent, we likely don’t know how to validate and affirm ourselves, and we look to others to fulfill those needs. When we don’t feel good about ourselves, have low self-esteem or have low self-confidence, we look for validation and approval from others. And we may go to incredible lengths to please others in order to get that validation, affirmation, and some semblance of self-worth. When we have a weak sense of worth, our anger jumps out in defense. When someone doesn’t acknowledge or appreciate what we’ve done for them (even if they didn’t ask for our help), we feel hurt and resentful, and those can trigger anger.

Codependency ends when we start feeling “good enough” and can approve and validate ourselves. Validation is incredibly important. Once you’re able to validate yourself, you‘ll be less likely to seek out others to do it for you. You won’t need to step in and do things for others when they haven’t asked you to. You’ll begin to know yourself more deeply than you did when you were focused on care-taking someone else.

Why do you need this person’s approval? Why is the approval so important to you? What will their approval change about you? What will happen if you don’t get it? If you don’t get it, would that change anything, really? What beliefs about yourself would it change? Is their approval the only thing that will cause this change? What can you do to start feeling better about yourself regardless of how they respond to you? What else might improve your self-esteem? What might increase your self-confidence? When will you start doing those?

7. Betrayal hurt

When we go through Narcissism Awareness Grief, we often feel betrayed. Betrayal hurts our hearts and can affect how we think and feel, and what we believe. At least temporarily.

It’s hard to understand how and why someone could hurt us so deeply. These underlying hurt feelings, along with those of disappointment and betrayal can all trigger anger. Acknowledge the feelings of pain, betrayal, and disappointment. Work on accepting that the narcissist in your life truly cannot behave any differently. Without a desire or motivation to change, there will be no change. The changes in how you feel must come from you.

8. Weak boundaries

If we have weak boundaries or don’t enforce the boundaries we have, the more likely we are to react in anger when they’re challenged or violated.

You are worthy of love and respect simply because you exist. If you’re in a situation where you’re treated unlovingly or disrespectfully, that may cause you to feel angry or resentful. You may not understand why you feel that way. You feel that way because that person is not validating you. Being validated is a basic human need. If someone’s invalidation triggers your anger, you may want to look into self-empowerment and ways of developing a stronger sense of self-worth. When you value yourself and can validate yourself, it’s less likely that another’s lack of validation will trigger you.

By taking the time to understand where your anger comes from, you’ll learn a lot about yourself and begin to heal your triggers. You’ll begin feeling a new sense of peace and calm. When someone or something triggers you, you’ll consciously understand what’s happening and be able to deal with it accordingly. You’ll feel in control of your feelings instead of like your feelings are controlling you.

Will all of your triggers ever be healed? Probably not. I say this because you’re alive, having new experiences, and developing new triggers throughout life. Discovering and healing triggers is a life-long process. It’s just part of good self-care.

Sometimes all it takes is awareness of what’s happening “behind the scenes” in your brain to uncover an unknown trigger. Sometimes when I notice a trigger being activated I say to myself, “I’m being triggered right now,” and it’s often enough to shut down a potentially ugly scenario and maintain my emotional control. With a little practice, you’ll begin noticing your triggers and responding to them in a different, healthier way. You’ll begin seeing your anger as a tool for deeper self-understanding.

Learn More: Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism

References:

Beck, A.T. (2008). The evolution of the cognitive model of depression and its neurobiological correlates. American Journal of Psychiatry, 165, 969-977.

Gross J.J (2014). Handbook of Emotion Regulation. 2nd ed. New York: Guilford Press.

Metcalf, D. (2020) Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism

Plassmann, H., O’Doherty, J., Shiv, B., & Rangel, A. (2008). Marketing actions can modulate neural representations of experienced pleasantness. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (USA),105(3), 1050–1054.

Solomon, R.C. (2007). True to our feelings: What our emotions are really telling us. New York: Oxford University Press.

Tools for healing

Learn about dysfunctional family roles

Learn about codependency 

Learn coping skills for the holidays and family visits

Learn why what you tell yourself matters

Learn why verbal abuse hurts us

Learn how to protect yourself with boundaries 

Learn about the narcissistic abuse cycle

More Resources You May Like:

Join the Free Email Survival Course:

Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

Private Facebook group included for members only.

Get the TOOLBOX APP

for instant information, support, and validation!

QUICK PURCHASE LINKS
The U.S.

B&N

Kindle

Audible

Amazon

Nook

Google

Apple

Author’s Site: Free Shipping

Want to Listen Instead?

---

WORLDWIDE AMAZON BOOK LINKS

US

UK

Germany

India

Brazil

France

Italy

Japan

Canada

Australia

Netherlands

Poland

Sweden

Mexico

Spain

I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal

A step-by-step method to learn how to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

Quick US links:

Author’s Site: Free Shipping

Barnes and Noble

Amazon

Swag

Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

About the Author

As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping and healing strategies. She happily shares those with those who want to learn and grow in their own recovery journies. 

Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on narcissism, family dysfunction, and abuse. She draws from her personal childhood experiences, as well as her work in human service fields like domestic violence and partner abuse. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

Her transformational books about healing and moving forward include the highly praised “Lemon Moms” series. This emotionally supportive collection explains narcissistic traits and teaches how to reconcile past hurts to begin self-nurturing, healing, and moving forward.

See what’s new on DianeMetcalf.com

Learn about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

Quick Links

Expressive writing is a bit different from just writing thoughts and activities in a journal.  It is used as a way to deal with old or new traumatic events or memories. When using expressive writing, it is necessary to reflect on a specific challenge, traumatic experience, or memory in order to discover new meaning in the event.

Benefits of expressive writing

According to researcher Dr. James Pennebaker, a psychology professor at the University of Austin, Texas, people who use expressive writing to journal have improved mental and physical health.

Dr. Pennebaker pioneered a study of expressive writing as a coping mechanism for trauma. His and hundreds of other studies have verified the benefits achieved by people suffering from PTSD, cancer, depression, and various other mental and physical ailments. This journaling technique was found to strengthen the immune system, reduce pain and inflammation, lower infection rates from colds or flu, and decrease depression symptoms. It can also improve memory, sleep quantity and quality, and attitude. It’s clear that there are many benefits associated with expressive writing!

How it works

Using expressive writing allows the writer to recognize a painful or traumatic experience and describe it as a problem to be solved. Doing this allows the writer to identify a particular problem and organize their thoughts and feelings, using written language to create the narrative. This process helps break the rumination cycle, which, in my experience, helps decrease or eliminate cognitive dissonance. Research shows that labeling our emotions actually calms the limbic system and the fight or flight response. (Look up “name it and tame it.”) The prefrontal cortex, which is in charge of executive functions, regains control, and a deeper meaning and understanding can be created around the memory or traumatic event. This leads the writer to feel a new sense of control and personal power regarding the traumatic event. The more we do this type of journaling, the easier it gets.

When people become more comfortable thinking about and remembering a traumatic event, they are more able to share their feelings with others. Expressive writing may indirectly lead writers to seek emotional support, thereby accelerating the healing process.

As demonstrated in a 2006 study published in the Journal of Psychological Science, expressive writing can also improve relationships. The study found that when one partner wrote about their relationship in detail, both partners began using more positive language when texting each other. The relationship also lasted longer.

Don’t like to write?

If you don’t like journaling, you can still use expressive writing. Recording your thoughts has been shown to work just as well.

To use the technique, write without judgment, self-editing, or correcting spelling or grammatical mistakes. Just write it as you think or feel it. Write for 15 to 20 minutes for at least three consecutive days. Deep dive into your thoughts and feelings and write about them in detail when you do this.

I’m a big fan of journaling using expressive writing. I wrote the “Lemon Moms Companion Workbook” to supply the necessary prompts, questions, and challenges to help you use expressive writing as one of your healing tools.

References:

How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Words- The Social Effects of Expressive Writing

Feeling Upset? Try This Special Writing Technique

Expressive writing: Connections to physical and mental health

Tame Reactive Emotions by Naming Them

Could you be feeling the effects of Narcissism Awareness Grief? Download the free chapter to find out:

from Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism

Tools for healing

Conscious awareness:  Be aware and make conscious choices before acting. Self-awareness releases us from making impulsive and potentially damaging decisions. Practice mindfulness.

Learn about setting boundaries 

Learn about codependency and maladaptive coping skills

Read “Facing our demons during isolation”

More Resources You May Like:

Join the Free Email Survival Course:

Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

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I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal

A step-by-step method to learn how to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

Quick US links:

Author’s Site: Free Shipping

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Swag

Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

About the Author

As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping and healing strategies. She happily shares those with those who want to learn and grow in their own recovery journies. 

Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on narcissism, family dysfunction, and abuse. She draws from her personal childhood experiences, as well as her work in human service fields like domestic violence and partner abuse. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

Her transformational books about healing and moving forward include the highly praised “Lemon Moms” series. This emotionally supportive collection explains narcissistic traits and teaches how to reconcile past hurts to begin self-nurturing, healing, and moving forward.

See what’s new on DianeMetcalf.com

Learn about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

Quick Links

Control what you put in your brain

I’m not saying don’t watch the news, but know when to turn it off or temporarily disengage. Events are unfolding at such a rapid pace that it’s hard to keep up. Immersing yourself in the negativity without taking breaks for helpful and healing activities will affect your thoughts and your body negatively.

I experienced this myself. Quite unexpectedly, I felt like I just couldn’t handle another piece of information. We can get overwhelmed with information coming through the radio, TV, friends, family, neighbors, or social media. We may not know what to think or what to do. We may become hyper-vigilant, trying to keep up, putting our flight or fight survival mode into overdrive. This means dealing with an excess of hormones like cortisol (which can cause, among other things, slower healing, weakness, fatigue, irritability, difficulty concentrating, high blood pressure, and headaches) and adrenaline (which, among other things, increases heart rate and blood pressure). It also means that our hippocampus and amygdala won’t be able to store short-term memories properly, and you may find yourself feeling scatterbrained. Stress and anxiety negatively affect memory.

What you can do

Take frequent breaks from the input. Taking breaks can also feel overwhelming and traumatizing at first. It’s important to know that if you find yourself getting overwhelmed, feeling stressed, or anxious, you should turn off the media and do something healing for yourself. Take a bath or a shower, clean a room, rearrange your pantry, clean out a drawer, take inventory of your supplies, journal, reach out to a friend; anything that will make you feel better and serve as a distraction from the situation. Think of all the things you can do to make yourself feel better, and use that list over the next several weeks.

Think back to a time when you felt overwhelmed, and life was uncertain, and you got through it. Remind yourself that you coped then, and you will this time, too. Focus less on the changes and uncertainty and instead focus on centering, grounding, and calming yourself. Go back to watching the news when you feel you can handle it. Watch in short doses, taking short breaks in between.

If you’re stuck at home, use this new gift of time to do the things you’ve been putting off. Get started writing that book, read to your kids, organize your digital photos, and organize a closet. You get the idea. Think of the things you’ve been wanting to do and wish you had the time to do, then start doing them. It’s amazing what getting into the “flow“ does to make you feel accomplished.

Connect with people using social media. See if you have “Nextdoor.com” for your neighborhood and connect electronically with your neighbors. You can share information about stores and product availability, other resources, and important information.

Check-in on elderly loved ones and elderly neighbors. Help whoever you can.

Read uplifting material, whether it’s a spiritual text, poetry, or old love letters. Watch comedies. Read that book you’ve been wanting to read!

Journal! Not only will writing get worries off your mind, but it could be a keepsake for your children, later on, a historical record of what’s happening and your thoughts and feelings about it.

Do something physically challenging for stress relief. Jog in place, or pull out one of those old exercise videos and have at it. Make a game of it with your kids. Movement feels good and releases endorphins and other calming hormones. So does guided meditation, yoga, and stretching. Do the things that help you feel grounded, like praying or gratitude exercises.

Control what you’re eating. Sugars and carbs cause inflammation, and inflammation lowers immunity.

Six things that keep your immunity high

1. Eat healthy foods in moderation and take a daily multivitamin.
2. Exercise for 30 minutes daily.
3. Get enough sleep.
4. Wash your hands.
5. Minimize or stop alcohol consumption.
6. Quit smoking. Now is a great time!

Make time for yourself

As we become accustomed to these new events and our new temporary lifestyle, let’s put ourselves on our own to-do lists. Make yourself a priority too. Remember, airlines always tell us to put on our own oxygen masks before assisting others. There’s a reason for that: you’re not going to be of any use to anyone if you don’t take care of yourself first.

Stay well and stay healthy, my friends.

More tools

Conscious awareness:  Be aware and make conscious choices before acting. Self-awareness releases us from making impulsive and potentially damaging decisions. Learn about setting boundaries 

Self-care: We can only choose to focus on and be responsible for ourselves, our own thoughts, actions, and behavior. The good news is that we can change ourselves with patience, persistence, and practice. We can take responsibility for getting our needs met, instead of waiting for someone to change or meet our needs for us. We are in control of ourselves and no one is responsible for us but us.

Practice mindfulness

Learn about codependency and maladaptive coping skills

Learn about C-PTSD

Recognize the Cycle of Abuse

More Resources You May Like:

Join the Free Email Survival Course:

Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

Private Facebook group included for members only.

Get the TOOLBOX APP

for instant information, support, and validation!

QUICK PURCHASE LINKS
The U.S.

B&N

Kindle

Audible

Amazon

Nook

Google

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Author’s Site: Free Shipping

Want to Listen Instead?

---

WORLDWIDE AMAZON BOOK LINKS

US

UK

Germany

India

Brazil

France

Italy

Japan

Canada

Australia

Netherlands

Poland

Sweden

Mexico

Spain

I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal

A step-by-step method to learn how to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

Quick US links:

Author’s Site: Free Shipping

Barnes and Noble

Amazon

Swag

Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

About the Author

As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping and healing strategies. She happily shares those with those who want to learn and grow in their own recovery journies. 

Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on narcissism, family dysfunction, and abuse. She draws from her personal childhood experiences, as well as her work in human service fields like domestic violence and partner abuse. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

Her transformational books about healing and moving forward include the highly praised “Lemon Moms” series. This emotionally supportive collection explains narcissistic traits and teaches how to reconcile past hurts to begin self-nurturing, healing, and moving forward.

See what’s new on DianeMetcalf.com

Learn about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

Quick Links

What is gaslighting?

Gaslighting can be used to get a reaction. For a narcissist, when a target reacts, it’s a form of narcissistic supply. The narcissist remains calm and rational, which causes the target to feel insecure and irrational. When you’re being gaslighted, you don’t always know what’s happening, but you may intuitively feel that some kind of mind game is going on. You’re confused, stressed, and frustrated, and you can’t figure out why. All of this gives a narcissist a huge amount of power and control. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. When narcissists gaslight, they feel superior in their ability to control your beliefs, feelings, thoughts, and perceptions.

How do I know if I’m being gaslighted?

You’re likely being gaslighted if:

• A narcissist uses your fears or insecurities against you. If you divulge any insecurities or personal worries to them, at some point, those will be used against you. This allows the narcissist to feel superior to you.
• A narcissist wants you to think they know you better than you know yourself. They might say they know what you’re thinking, and if you say they’re wrong, they’ll only believe you’re lying. They may roll their eyes or make a disgusted face. Narcissists simply cannot allow themselves to be wrong.
• A narcissist requires you to do things that aren’t appropriate (or morally right or legal, etc.) and tells you that it’s OK.
• If you’re regularly told that something’s “normal” when you feel it isn’t, then you’re probably being gaslighted. For example, when I was a child, my mother frequently had me lie to other adults on her behalf. Usually, the lie was that she had a headache, or she didn’t feel well, or wasn’t home. She expected this from me without question. Growing up this way, I believed that doing this for my mother was normal. In my teens, when I started to recognize that this wasn’t something all kids had to do, I refused to continue doing it. It felt wrong, and I felt I was being used. It also felt like she should, as an adult, speak to other adults directly. She made it clear that she was disappointed with me for wanting her to be honest and not expect me to lie for her anymore.
• A narcissist “diagnoses” you and tells you what’s “wrong” with you. You’re informed that you’re mentally ill, or you need help, or that you have “issues.” When a narcissist doesn’t get their way, they will insult you and question your judgment or your sanity. They may tell you that you need therapy or medication. This really isn’t about you, though. In fact, it has nothing to do with you; it’s all about their need to feel superior and in control of you and your relationship.
• A narcissist rewrites history. They inform you that what you know to be accurate or real is, in fact, not correct or factual. The most common type of gaslighting I experienced as a child was when I witnessed my mother saying or doing something frightening, threatening, or mean-spirited (and when she was exhibiting a narcissistic rage). I would later ask her about it, and she would gaslight me. For example, I overheard her viciously mistreating my grandmother by loudly and verbally abusing her. I confronted my mother about it when she exited my grandmother’s bedroom. She didn’t realize I’d overheard the entire vicious scenario and looked at me with shock and disbelief. Then she looked confused and said, “What are you talking about? I didn’t scream at her or call her names.” She calmly and flatly denied it, explaining, “You must have dreamt it.”
• A narcissist tells you your memory is faulty. Narcissists recall or retell a shared memory very differently than you, which is OK since we all perceive differently. The problem here is that they will describe their behavior or reaction as rational, good, and righteous but spin yours as irrational or shameful. In their version, they are always either the hero or the victim.

What does gaslighting do?

Gaslighting can have severe mental and emotional effects, especially if it’s ongoing. If you’re being gaslighted, you may begin doing whatever it takes to avoid stress and arguments or to prevent the narcissist from becoming triggered, angry, or abusive.

A significant symptom of gaslighting is the constant feeling of confusion or being off-balance, as I’ve mentioned. It’s one of the most challenging aspects of healing from gaslighting. That’s because we’ve learned to disregard our intuition, our sense of trust, memories, minds, and indeed our perception of anything! Because we may have learned to trust the narcissist’s interpretation of the world and rely on it instead of our own, we begin to doubt our reality and convince ourselves that their version of reality is correct. There’s a feeling of things not adding up, a feeling of confusion and disorientation when we’re around them. I came to think of these discrepancies (between my reality and my mother’s version) as a flaw in myself. I drove myself crazy trying to figure out and make sense of the disparity between what I observed with my senses and what I was told that I observed. This kind of internal conflict is called cognitive dissonance, and it’s the “crazy-making” aspect of gaslighting.

You may get unexpected or inappropriate responses to common questions or actions from a narcissist, and your reactions may be deemed to be incorrect or unreasonable. You may get strange “looks” from them that make you question your every move. Fearful for your mental health, you might worry that you are losing your mind. You may begin believing you’re illogical, irrational, or mentally ill. You likely feel confused by things the narcissist says and does, but your observations can’t be validated because no one else is usually around when it happens.

You’ll come to doubt your memory. This was a big one for me because my mother liked to overwrite my perceptions and memories with her own, I heard a lot of, “I never said that,” “You dreamt it,” or “You imagined it.” This was the attribute of gaslighting that harmed me the most. Continually being told that I perceived and remembered events “incorrectly” had me in a continual state of self-doubt, confusion, and disorientation. It negatively impacted my ability to make decisions and trust my judgment.

Gaslighting leads to feeling depressed, anxious, helpless, hopeless, or exhausted. Life may begin to feel surreal, you may feel like you’re invisible or like you don’t actually exist. Your sense of reality may seem” fuzzy,” and you can’t think straight You’ll have trouble problem-solving and making decisions because you doubt your judgment or your observations.

And while you’re struggling, the narcissist will continue to play mind games and twist your perception.

Eventually, you may begin to rely on the narcissist to tell you what’s “real” and what isn’t. They’ll happily tell you what you’re thinking and what you remember, and they’ll correct any memory that makes them appear less than great. If the gaslighting is constant, your reality will begin to depend on the narcissist’s interpretation. You’ll eventually lose your sense of self, and when this happens, you’ve probably also started to disassociate. What’s happening is that you’re losing your self-identity and becoming the version of “you” that your narcissist thinks you are.

Tools

Conscious awareness:  Be aware and make conscious choices before acting. Self-awareness releases us from making impulsive and potentially damaging decisions.

Self-care: We can only choose to focus on and be responsible for ourselves, our own thoughts, actions, and behavior. The good news is that we can change ourselves with patience, persistence, and practice. We can take responsibility for getting our needs met, instead of waiting for someone to change or meet our needs for us. We are in control of ourselves and no one is responsible for us but us.

Set boundaries 

Understand the Abuse Cycle

Learn about codependency

Learn about letting go of what you can’t control, by using loving-detachment

Learn about expectations

More Resources You May Like:

Join the Free Email Survival Course:

Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

Private Facebook group included for members only.

Get the TOOLBOX APP

for instant information, support, and validation!

QUICK PURCHASE LINKS
The U.S.

B&N

Kindle

Audible

Amazon

Nook

Google

Apple

Author’s Site: Free Shipping

Want to Listen Instead?

---

WORLDWIDE AMAZON BOOK LINKS

US

UK

Germany

India

Brazil

France

Italy

Japan

Canada

Australia

Netherlands

Poland

Sweden

Mexico

Spain

I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal

A step-by-step method to learn how to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

Quick US links:

Author’s Site: Free Shipping

Barnes and Noble

Amazon

Swag

Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

About the Author

As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping and healing strategies. She happily shares those with those who want to learn and grow in their own recovery journies. 

Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on narcissism, family dysfunction, and abuse. She draws from her personal childhood experiences, as well as her work in human service fields like domestic violence and partner abuse. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

Her transformational books about healing and moving forward include the highly praised “Lemon Moms” series. This emotionally supportive collection explains narcissistic traits and teaches how to reconcile past hurts to begin self-nurturing, healing, and moving forward.

See what’s new on DianeMetcalf.com

Learn about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

Quick Links

It hurts

Isolation feels like disconnectedness, being unattached, singular, on our own, forever solo. And we can feel that way even when we’re not physically alone. There have been times that I’ve felt isolated in a room full of people!

Isolating ourselves can make us feel as though we’re unimportant to everyone and that we matter to no one, sometimes not even to ourselves.

What leads to isolation?

When we intentionally (or unintentionally) withdraw or cocoon, or we don’t respond when others reach out to us, (or WE don’t reach out) we are cutting ourselves off from humanity.  When we live inside our heads, not sharing our thoughts or feelings, we’re actually practicing an act of isolation. Isolating in this way is a type of numbing, a kind of “hiding” from ourselves or from reality. Sometimes it’s connected with denial.

Growing up in a home where there’s no emotional inter-connectedness with our family members or no real communication often leads to experiencing feelings of isolation. When we feel ignored, invisible or insignificant as a child,  it’s easy to continue using these same maladaptive relationship patterns after we become adults. As a result, we may continue to let others make our decisions for us without the benefit of us sharing our thoughts or feelings. We choose to silence our voices because we believe that what we say doesn’t matter. We give away our personal power because we’re not even aware that we have any power.

When we’ve been traumatized by narcissism, alcoholism, addiction, or any other type of toxicity, whether as a child or as an adult, we often feel like we can’t talk about it with others. We prefer to keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves because we feel ashamed or embarrassed. Sometimes we criticize and judge ourselves for becoming isolated, for being in a particular situation, or with a certain person. Sometimes we fear others’ judgment or criticism of our choices, and sometimes it simply feels like no one will be able to understand. We may feel at fault for our circumstances, and we isolate ourselves to hide our shame and our secrets.

Brene’ Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston, and she’s well known for studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. Brene’ firmly believes that we have to “walk through vulnerability to get to courage,” therefore . . . we should “embrace the suck.”

In her book I thought it was just me (but it isn’t): Making the Journey from “What Will People Think?” to “I Am Enough,” Ms. Brown describes shame as a “silent epidemic,” something that everybody experiences at some point in their lives.

She goes on to say that “Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.” Personally, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that shame is associated with depression, guilt, anxiety, eating disorders, addiction, and violence. (habitsforwellbeing.com)

~By isolating, we prolong the pain.~

Patterns of Isolation 

By entertaining thoughts of “I don’t belong” or by judging ourselves as “not good enough,” we close ourselves off from others. This avoidance tactic can be used to hide from ourselves or from others and even from reality. There are lots of ways to hide! We can hide physically, mentally, spiritually, and/or emotionally. We may stop socializing and interacting. We may feel like keeping secrets and hiding or cocooning, so we begin keeping to ourselves and not reaching out for help or support. We may emotionally (or physically!) push others away. We interact with friends or family less often, and when we do, topics of conversation become superficial, and we steer clear of conversations about our personal or home-life. We avoid any chance of getting emotionally triggered or of triggering others. We avoid embarrassment by not accepting social invitations. 

What we’re actually doing is trying to avoid potential or imagined pain. 

The Power of Our Thoughts

“Closed-thinking” is an orderly and pretty inflexible task-based way of thinking. When we use a closed-thought process, we focus solely on “the goal” and getting something accomplished. We’re pressured and probably feel stressed because there’s usually a time limit or due date involved. Even self-imposed due dates can feel stressful.

Conversely, “open-thinking” feels more relaxed.  When we use open thinking, we don’t feel rushed because there is no hurry; there is no “due date.”  We don’t feel pressured or stressed. With open thinking, we enjoy the process of “playing around” with our beliefs and ideas instead of focusing on time-sensitive outcomes.

Is it surprising to know that isolation thrives on closed thinking? It’s no wonder isolation can feel so suffocating and hopeless.

We all have the ability to use open thinking, but many of us don’t have experience using our minds this way. Maybe we never learned how, or we never saw it modeled. Maybe life simply feels too heavy or serious right now to “play around” with ideas. Perhaps the idea of learning a new way of thinking makes us tired or uncomfortable.

Trying to learn how to think openly can certainly feel uncomfortable at first, and using this less restrictive process will remain difficult if we don’t practice.

Thinking openly means that we give ourselves time to daydream about possibilities and the space to read and research and envision scenarios. “What if” we were to do this instead of that? What would that look like? How might it feel? Open thinking involves thinking creatively (instead of purely logically) and collaborating with others. Bouncing ideas off somebody who we respect and trust can show us new perspectives and can open up new possibilities.

Breaking Isolation

Breaking our isolation means that we have to begin trusting people and changing our perspectives. We have to start taking chances and participating in our lives. Sharing ourselves with others and getting comfortable with our own vulnerability are the antidotes for isolation. 

Brene’ Brown says: “Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough” and “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”

Her research findings can effectively be summarized in this statement: “Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”

Try reaching out to someone today. Just do one thing to break your isolation. Letting yourself be vulnerable will get easier with practice, I promise.

Tools

• Self-care
• Identify the Cycle of Abuse
• Recognize codependent coping skills
• Everyone makes choices. Are you choosing to stay in suffering mode? Why or why not?
• Respond rather than react. (Homework: look up the difference between reacting and responding. Try responding the next time you have the opportunity. See how it feels.)
• Have a plan for ending the isolation.
• Reframe your viewpoint: a shift in perspective can help us to determine what’s most valuable to us so we don’t waste emotional energy on less important things. Perspective is everything.
• Progress not perfection: Let’s give ourselves credit and just enjoy being human! No one is perfect. People just like to pretend they are.
• Live in the present: Be willing to give up worrying about the future. The future doesn’t exist, so we can’t predict or control it. Give up worrying about the past because the past doesn’t exist either, it’s a mental construction. The past is the “snapshot” we hold of an event that was processed by our own personal and unique filters. Focusing on the present moment is the only state of being that we can actually influence.
• Set boundaries 
• Do things you enjoy or that make you feel good. Taking care of ourselves and enjoying life is not selfish. 

More Brene’ Brown Quotes:

“When we’re defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable. Therefore, we need to be selective about the feedback we let into our lives. For me, if you’re not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.” – Brené Brown

 “You either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.” – Brené Brown

More Resources You May Like:

Join the Free Email Survival Course:

Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

Private Facebook group included for members only.

Get the TOOLBOX APP

for instant information, support, and validation!

QUICK PURCHASE LINKS
The U.S.

B&N

Kindle

Audible

Amazon

Nook

Google

Apple

Author’s Site: Free Shipping

Want to Listen Instead?

---

WORLDWIDE AMAZON BOOK LINKS

US

UK

Germany

India

Brazil

France

Italy

Japan

Canada

Australia

Netherlands

Poland

Sweden

Mexico

Spain

I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal

A step-by-step method to learn how to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

Quick US links:

Author’s Site: Free Shipping

Barnes and Noble

Amazon

Swag

Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

About the Author

As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping and healing strategies. She happily shares those with those who want to learn and grow in their own recovery journies. 

Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on narcissism, family dysfunction, and abuse. She draws from her personal childhood experiences, as well as her work in human service fields like domestic violence and partner abuse. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

Her transformational books about healing and moving forward include the highly praised “Lemon Moms” series. This emotionally supportive collection explains narcissistic traits and teaches how to reconcile past hurts to begin self-nurturing, healing, and moving forward.

See what’s new on DianeMetcalf.com

Learn about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.