It’s not surprising to know that our inner dialogue is connected to how we feel and think about ourselves. If you beat yourself up for perceived failures or shortcomings, how does that help you? Does it motivate you to change? Does it keep you feeling bad and keep you stuck? How is that different from how a toxic or abusive person treats you?
Recovering from any kind of trauma, abuse or mistreatment requires more than reading, educating ourselves, and revisiting old memories. It requires getting in touch with our feelings, prioritizing self-care, dumping limiting beliefs, learning to set boundaries and enforce them. It means learning new ways of communicating, increasing self-esteem and self-confidence, and detaching from people who aren’t good for us.
It means doing the work, and I believe that going from an unsupportive inner dialogue to an uplifting and proactive one brings about positive change.
Until I began my own healing journey in earnest, I continued attracting toxic people and exercising my people-pleasing, codependent coping skills. I fixed and helped others without their invitation to do so. I felt resentful when they ignored my advice or were unappreciative of my help. Makes no sense, right?
In regard to healing specifically from narcissistic abuse, narcissism specialists say that we have two choices when dealing with those on the narcissistic spectrum: 1. live on their terms or 2. go “no contact.” For me, going no contact felt like a form of avoidance, and it wasn’t in line with the goals I had for myself. I wanted to learn how to heal and get my power back, not avoid. Going “no contact” wasn’t the right choice for me. So, I created a third option: I walked through the chaos and confusion of my mother’s narcissistic behavior, armed with new coping skills and strategies while protecting myself with boundaries. Retooling my self-talk in the form of positive affirmations was part of that package too, and I’ve included some of my favorite affirmations at the bottom of this article. I hope you check them out!