I’m not a big avoider, but when it comes to TV and social media, witnessing people engaged in heated disagreements and escalating anger, name-calling, and open disrespect makes me very uncomfortable. Conflict and confrontation are emotional triggers. I accept my avoidance tactics because I understand where they come from. Avoidance and escape are some of my childhood survival mechanisms, and I’m OK with that.
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Uncomfortable Triggers: Conflict and Confrontation in Media
I have a deep fascination with data. The world of databases, writing queries to collect data, and creating informational reports captivates me. With a degree in Information Management, it’s no surprise that I have a strong affinity for all forms of information. It’s crucial to have access to accurate, credible, and trustworthy information to ensure the safety and well-being of my family and myself.
Unfortunately, in today’s world of news shows and social media, what is often presented as “information” is merely an individual’s perspective or opinion. This can lead to nasty disagreements when others don’t share the same point of view.
I firmly believe that disagreements are healthy and natural. Holding different views or disagreeing with someone is not inherently wrong. In fact, sharing and discussing differing viewpoints is essential for personal growth and learning. However, it is crucial that these differences in opinion and perspective are expressed in a respectful, productive, and healthy manner. In my own relationship with my husband, we often have differing opinions, but we communicate calmly and respectfully, ultimately agreeing to disagree. We don’t aim to hurt each other or change each other’s mindset simply because we have different viewpoints. We respect each other’s entitlement to our own perspectives. We understand that we don’t have to agree on everything because we are individuals.
Differences in perspective can be a source of inspiration, prompting us to question, listen, and learn something new.
What is not healthy is blatant disrespect, refusal to listen, judgment, non-constructive criticism, unsolicited advice, closed-mindedness, shouting, and name-calling. When I encounter these behaviors on news programs or social media, I choose to disengage. I don’t want to be a part of that chaos.
You can understand why this wouldn’t benefit anyone seeking and desiring information. Do you want information that only aligns with what you already know or believe? Or would you prefer a comprehensive understanding? Do you want to consider other viewpoints and opinions outside of your own? This means you have to develop the courage to confront some of the challenges and emotional triggers I mentioned earlier.
Confronting Avoidance: Facing Uncomfortable Realities
Now, I won’t claim that I have suddenly become extremely comfortable witnessing threatening situations. That would be far from the truth.
What has changed is my willingness to step out of my comfort zone and stay engaged, at least for a while.
News and social media can instill fear in some of us more than others. If you have grown up in a scary, threatening, or traumatic home environment like I did, you understand what I’m talking about. I made a conscious effort to identify and address some of my emotional triggers a while ago. I recognized that exposing myself to inflammatory news and social media content was an opportunity for me to desensitize and alleviate those triggers.
Differences in points of view can inspire us to question, listen, and learn something new. The opportunity to see issues from another person’s perspective and learn something new became more important to me than staying within my comfort zone. So, I started sitting through the chaos and facing my triggers, reminding myself that I am in the safety of my own home and that I am an adult. Gradually, I began to hear and learn things that I wouldn’t have otherwise. My tolerance for witnessing heated disagreements increased over time. Angry arguments between others started to feel less threatening. This broadened my perspective and made me more willing to endure what used to be intimidating or scary moments.
Real life doesn’t happen in a bubble. By sitting through these uncomfortable moments, I have gained a greater understanding and appreciation for the complexities of the world around me.
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Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism, by Diane Metcalf
For as long as I can remember, there was something “different” about my mother. She wasn’t like other mothers.
My mom didn’t hug or kiss, smile at, spend time with, or play with me. She never seemed happy to see me. She didn’t ask about my school day and wasn’t interested in knowing my friends. She seemed to have no interest in me or anything that I did. My mom called me hurtful names and obscenities, and at times, she ignored me, not speaking to me for days, weeks, or even months. When she felt sad I was expected to emotionally care-take her. When she didn’t feel like parenting, I was responsible for my siblings. When she lost her temper she hit. When I was disobedient, there were bizarre punishments.
I was not allowed to express feelings, ask questions, or show initiative or curiosity. My feelings were discounted, minimized, or invalidated. She re-wrote my memories, and I was expected to believe her version. I was to obey, stay quiet, and not question.
If any of this sounds familiar, you are not alone. If there is manipulation, power struggles, or cruelty in your relationship, this book can help. If you second-guess your memory, doubt your judgment or sanity, or continually seek your mother’s withheld affection, attention, approval, or love, this book can explain why.
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About the Author
Drawing from her personal experiences of growing up in a dysfunctional household, Diane Metcalf has developed effective coping and healing strategies. With the assistance of professional therapists and mindful personal growth, she has honed her skills and now happily shares them with others who are interested in learning and growing.
As an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer, Diane is well-versed in topics such as narcissism, family dysfunction, abuse, and recognizing warning signs. Her extensive knowledge is drawn not only from her personal experiences, but also from her work in human service fields, including domestic violence, partner abuse, and court advocacy. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.
Diane’s transformational books on healing and personal growth, such as the highly acclaimed “Lemon Moms” series, offer emotional support and guidance in understanding narcissistic traits and healing past wounds. Her approach emphasizes self-awareness, intention, self-care, and establishing healthy boundaries as essential components in the healing process.
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