Does Your Self-talk Need a Makeover?


If you’re familiar with my work, you know that during childhood, my mother used the fear of abandonment to control me. She threatened to give me away, put me in an orphanage, or send me to live with my father, whom she repeatedly said: “didn’t love us or want anything to do with us.”

I lived in constant fear of doing the “right thing,” whatever the right thing was at any particular time. “The right thing” could and did change without warning, so I needed to remain constantly alert for changes in her tone of voice, behavior, and our home environment.

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Does Your Self-talk Need a Makeover?
Words matter. Written words and spoken words all matter. It matters what people say to you, and it matters what you say to yourself. For example, suppose you live with a narcissist or toxic person (or have one in your life). In that case, you already know that it can negatively affect how you think about yourself, what you tell yourself, and how you treat yourself. Oblivious of my codependency, her words and my negative self-talk combined to confirm my beliefs; I was unlovable, would never be good enough, and didn’t matter. The combination of negative self-talk and limiting beliefs kept me in a state of learned helplessness. Eventually, as an adult, I woke up to the fact that I was stuck. I’d been repeating the same hurtful relationship patterns throughout my adult life and wondering why I was unhappy. Finally, I realized that something had to change. So, among other things, I started examining, questioning, and then changing my unsupportive inner dialogue into supportive, positive self-talk. I watched in amazement as my limiting beliefs began to fade away. As I started thinking differently about myself, my self-concept changed. My opinions about myself changed. I changed.
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