The Toolbox
  • Author’s Site
  • Book Sets
  • FREE
  • Self-talk
Author's Site
Book Sets
FREE
Self-talk
The Toolbox
  • Author’s Site
  • Book Sets
  • FREE
  • Self-talk
Browsing Category
Trauma
Boundaries•Self Care•Trauma

How to Recognize Hurtful, Unsupportive and Non-nurturing People

Love shouldn't hurt
June 3, 2022 by Diane M. Metcalf, MS No Comments

When it comes to healing from any kind of abuse, or mistreatment, The Toolbox recognizes the importance of identifying unhelpful thoughts and behaviors, and then replacing them with healthy ones. The writing here also stresses empowerment: by setting personal boundaries, finding our authentic selves, speaking our truths, nurturing our inner children, and by affirming and validating ourselves. Here, the connection is made clear between gaslighting, codependency, trauma bonds, C-PTSD, attachment styles, and our future health, well-being, and relationships.

Identifying those individuals who would interrupt, reverse, or stall our healing process is a necessary part of that ongoing recovery journey.

Quick Document Links:

  • Identifying toxic people is an essential step in healing from any kind of abuse or mistreatment
  • “Paying attention to their words” means:
  • “Paying attention to your emotions” means checking in with your feelings:
  • “Paying attention to their behavior” means you need to:
  • More Tools

Identifying toxic people is an essential step in healing from any kind of abuse or mistreatment

As you begin recovering from the effects of gaslighting, codependency, cognitive dissonance, trauma bonding, betrayal, or C-PTSD, your self-care organically becomes more important. As part of your everyday self-care, it’s crucial to know how to recognize toxic or dangerous individuals (and limit your exposure to them by using boundaries.) This is an ongoing way to take care of and protect yourself from further trauma or victimization.

The WEB Method is a “quick and easy way to identify potentially dangerous people.” WEB stands for words, emotions, and behavior. The method was developed by a licensed social worker, Bill Eddy. According to Eddy, there are three things to examine to find out if there’s a chance someone may be unsafe:

The WEB method requires you to pay attention to:

  1. the WORDS the individual uses
  2. YOUR emotions (How do you feel when around this person: On high alert? Unsafe? Unsure? Hesitant? Confused? Embarrassed? Afraid? Etc.)
  3. THEIR behavior (How do they act: Arrogant? Blaming? Shaming? Critical? Cruel? Lacking empathy? Unstable? Risk-taking? Etc.) (Eddy 2018).

“Paying attention to their words” means:

  • Noticing if they use either extremely positive or extremely negative words to describe you or others. This indicates black and white thinking, a trait of narcissists, and those who have personality disorders, including psychopaths.
  • Looking for words that indicate a lack of emotional empathy or lack of interest or disregard for others. Again, narcissistic traits, as well as those with borderline personality disorder, sociopaths, and psychopaths.
  • Spotting words that indicate that they see themselves as a victim or that they think they’ve been duped, targeted, or wounded. These are traits of narcissists as well as individuals who blame, make excuses, shirk responsibility, harbor resentment, and use negative self-talk.

You’ve made a lot of progress and come too far to let yourself get involved with a shaming, blaming, “poor me.”

Notice if they virtue signal. Virtue signaling is the not-so-humble declaration of one’s morals and values. “I’m generous,” “I’m extremely open-minded,” “I’m a good person.” These could be examples of words not matching actions. When someone wants others to believe what they say about themselves, it’s a type of gaslighting. Most of us don’t need to talk about or convince others of our good qualities. When a person possesses admirable character and integrity, they don’t need to announce or advertise it. They simply live it, and people notice.

“Paying attention to your emotions” means checking in with your feelings:

  • How do you feel when you’re around this person? Confused? Emotionally Drained? Hurt? Defeated? Exhausted? Misunderstood? Stupid? Inadequate? Bullied? Sick? Mocked? Belittled? Humiliated? Why do you think you feel this way? What is your body trying to tell you?
  • Do they seem too good to be true? “Charm” is considered to be a warning sign. People who intensely or endlessly flatter, praise, or compliment are often manipulative. Pouring on the charm may indicate that they’re a deceptive or controlling person. Keep monitoring.
  • Do you feel like you can’t catch your breath or you can’t think straight when you’re around them? Psychopaths, sociopaths, borderlines, and narcissists can overwhelm others with their posturing and self-directed focus. They dominate conversations, don’t allow differences of opinion, and keep the focus on themselves. Conversations often feel like debates, and it’s usually hard to change the subject, or disengage, because they simply won’t’ allow it. When you’re in a discussion with a narcissist, you’ll feel unheard, misunderstood, or dismissed, and you’ll likely be mocked, or ridiculed if you challenge or disagree with them.
shark-1-300x169 How to Recognize Hurtful, Unsupportive and Non-nurturing People

“Paying attention to their behavior” means you need to:

  • Focus on their actions. Dangerous, toxic, and mentally ill people including narcissists are often defensive and will verbally or even physically attack those who criticize or appear to challenge them. Notice how they treat others. Do they humiliate or shame others? Do they embarrass you or cause you to want to apologize for their behavior?
  • Notice their dismissal, disregard, or indifference of yourself or others. Do they interrupt you? Talk over you? Scorn, laugh at, or minimize your point of view? Is the message that what they say or do is more important than anybody else? These indicate an ego-centered worldview. Not good.
  • Notice if they blame others for their own mistakes or poor choices. Narcissists and “poor-me’s” are famous for being big blamers. They shirk responsibility and don’t learn from their mistakes. Nothing is ever their fault. They don’t make mistakes!
  • Notice if they encourage others to admire them. Do they seek attention, compliments, praise, or admiration? These are all forms of narcissistic supply, indicating that you may have a narcissist on your hands.

Could you be feeling the effects of Narcissism Awareness Grief? Download the free chapter to find out:

EXPERIENCING NARCISSISM AWARENESS GRIEF

from Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism


Healing from abuse, betrayal or mistreatment is a complex, energy-consuming, and often painful undertaking. It requires commitment, patience, and time. It means doing the hard work and taking excellent self-care. Protecting ourselves from those who would hurt, take advantage, manipulate, or interrupt, (reverse, or stall) our progress, is part of that process.

All the best-

More Tools

Start using positive detachment

Learn to set boundaries

Learn about dysfunctional family roles

Find out what trauma does to your brain

Learn about codependency and other maladaptive coping skills

Understand the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

Learn about Narcissism Awareness Grief

More Resources You May Like:

Join the Free Email Survival Course:

Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

Private Facebook group included for members only.

Register Here!
Free 8-week email Survival Course

    I respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

    Get the TOOLBOX APP

    for instant information, support, and validation!

    Toolbox-App-on-Website-2 How to Recognize Hurtful, Unsupportive and Non-nurturing People
    GOOGLEPLAY-EMBLEM How to Recognize Hurtful, Unsupportive and Non-nurturing People
    app-store-logo How to Recognize Hurtful, Unsupportive and Non-nurturing People

    2-1024x1024 How to Recognize Hurtful, Unsupportive and Non-nurturing People

    I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal, by Diane Metcalf

    A step-by-step method to learn how to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

    Quick US links:

    Author’s Site: Free Shipping
    Barnes and Noble
    Amazon
    Positivity Shop

    Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

    Sign-up for twice monthly coping and healing strategies right to your inbox!
    ​
    ​
    Your Free Gift:
    An Inner Child Guided Healing Meditation MP3

      We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

      3D-3-book-series How to Recognize Hurtful, Unsupportive and Non-nurturing People
      Visit the Author’s Site

      About the Author

      Facetune_06-05-2021-18-24-57-239x300 How to Recognize Hurtful, Unsupportive and Non-nurturing People

      As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping and healing strategies. She happily shares those with those who want to learn and grow in their own recovery journies. 

      Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on narcissism, family dysfunction, and abuse. She draws from her personal childhood experiences, as well as her work in human service fields like domestic violence and partner abuse. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

      Her transformational books about healing and moving forward include the highly praised “Lemon Moms” series. This emotionally supportive collection explains narcissistic traits and teaches how to reconcile past hurts to begin self-nurturing, healing, and moving forward.

      See what’s new on DianeMetcalf.com

      Learn about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

      This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

      Read more

      Please share!

      Reading time: 5 min
      Boundaries•Healing Affirmations•Self Care•Trauma

      How to Start Moving Forward

      I will not
      December 31, 2021 by Diane M. Metcalf, MS No Comments

      It feels like everywhere I look, there are articles and posts about manifesting a better future by using the “Law of Attraction.”

      The Law of Attraction suggests that thinking positive thoughts can bring about positive effects and that holding negative thoughts can bring adverse outcomes. This law is based on the belief that thoughts are a form of energy, so positive thoughts attract positive energy and vice versa.

      Humans are energy fields, and every human body is made of energy-producing particles in constant motion. So, everything in existence, including us humans, vibrates at particular frequencies and creates energy. (Srinivasan 2010.)

      Quick document links

      • Affirmations and the Law of Attraction
      • Let’s Get High
      • Mindfulness
      • Thoughts Become Things
      • Tools for healing

      There’s growing evidence that our body’s own electrical and magnetic energy can stimulate chemical processes that influence our health and well-being. “Vibrational medicine,” also called energy medicine, strives to use the energy generated by and around a person’s body to optimize their health. So, the Law of Attraction is backed by science.

      Affirmations and the Law of Attraction

      Affirmations are positive statements made in the present tense that impact our conscious and subconscious minds. By saying them regularly, we can raise our vibrational frequency. The Law of Attraction states that “like attracts like.” Therefore, when you begin vibrating in a higher, more positive frequency, you will start attracting higher-vibrational people and opportunities into your life.

      Positive affirmations are a “self-talk approach” for creating a positive, motivating outlook on life while becoming your authentic self. We are more easily able to connect with our authentic selves when our vibrations are high. Unfortunately, unhealthy, unsupportive inner dialogue can remain our default mode when we are not vibrating highly.

      But what is a vibration? How do you know if you are vibrating highly or not? Well, everything has a vibrational frequency. Quantum physics can illustrate this, but all that’s really required is remembering the basics.

      Remember learning about atoms and molecules in school? Atoms and molecules come together to create matter as solids, liquids, or gases. Atoms, the smallest indivisible units of matter, are made of energy and are constantly vibrating. Since atoms are made of vibrating energy, and all matter is made of atoms, all matter is made of energy, and all matter is vibrating. You don’t have to see vibrations to know they’re there. Have you ever walked into a room and felt its vibe? If you have, you’ve intuitively sensed whether the people in the room were getting along, were uncomfortable, excited, sad, or happy. When you walk into a room, and it “feels” a certain way, you’ve picked up on its vibration. And when you meet a person and immediately feel connected, it’s because you are most likely vibrating similarly!

      Our vibrations are continually changing, shifting with our moods, health, and according to the energy that surrounds us.

      We can choose whether we would like to vibrate higher or lower than our current state of being. When you vibrate at a lower frequency, it feels heavy, and when you’re vibrating at a higher frequency, you feel lighter, at ease, happy, and at peace. Vibrating at a higher frequency feels good! Focusing on that which brings us joy and happiness raises our vibrational frequency, and when we get ourselves into a higher vibration, we let go of that which no longer serves us.

      When you begin releasing everything that weighs you down to maintain a higher frequency or vibration, you will experience more positive emotions. Feeling good will be your default state of being.

      To help you better understand how your feelings vibrate, Abraham-Hicks has created the “emotional guidance scale” below. The feelings listed are ranked from highest to lowest vibrating. They give an idea of how you might be vibrating at any given time:

      • Joy/apprehension/empowerment/freedom/love
      • Passion
      • Enthusiasm/eagerness/happiness
      • Positive expectations/belief
      • Optimism
      • Hopefulness
      • Contentment
      • Boredom
      • Pessimism
      • Frustration/irritation/impatience
      • Overwhelm
      • Disappointment
      • Doubt
      • Worry
      • Blame
      • Discouragement
      • Anger
      • Revenge
      • Hatred/rage
      • Jealousy
      • Insecurity/guilt/unworthiness
      • Fear/grief/depression/despair/powerlessness

      Affirmations raise your vibration when you’re stuck in a low vibrational pattern like fear, worry, anxiety, doubt, and powerlessness. They are a powerful tool for manifesting change and lifting your attitude at the same time. Speaking positive affirmations is one of the quickest ways to raise your vibration!

      As you continue to use affirmations, your vibration will increase, and you’ll notice that you feel happier and more peaceful.  You’ll begin to attain your goals, fulfill your desires, and attract the people and experiences you want.

      blog-sunrise-300x168 How to Start Moving Forward

      Let’s Get High

      When we hold highly vibrating thoughts, feelings and behaviors, we naturally start to vibrate accordingly. When we vibrate at a higher frequency, we feel a sense of peace and connectedness to everything. We worry less because we’re confident, knowing everything in life is as it should be, and getting better in every way.

      By speaking affirmations every day, you’ll become consciously aware of your thoughts, attitudes, choices, and behaviors. You’ll notice where changes are happening and where changes still need to happen. You’ll feel more positive energy, and you’ll attract more positivity in the form of people and opportunities.

      Additional benefits:

      Mindfulness

      When implementing any change, you must be aware of the change you want to make throughout the day, every day, for it to be successful. You must intentionally commit to making the change every day.

      What do you want to change about yourself? Do you have personality traits or characteristics that you don’t like, criticize, judge, or loathe? Maybe you have habits or perceived shortcomings that you’d like to give up?  Is there an aspect of your life that you want to develop? Your answers to questions like these can give you ideas about the kinds of positive affirmations that you can create.

      Thoughts Become Things

      When we hold low vibrational thoughts and beliefs, we lower our vibration, inevitably hampering our affirmation’s likelihood of success. This is because our subconscious minds accept any repeated declaration as truth, even when these affirmations are negative. Be aware of your negative thoughts.

      We use affirmations to change the way we think about ourselves. Affirmations remind us of our highest potential, and our vibrational frequency must increase to match that potential. You must raise your vibration to align with your goals when you’re manifesting your best life.

      We know that affirmations are more likely to work when they vibrate highly. That’s because highly vibrating affirmations attract what we’ve always wanted but believed we couldn’t have. If your affirmations don’t vibrate highly, rewrite them.

      When you’ve learned how to write and use affirmations correctly, you will start manifesting your goals. As your vibration increases, you’ll become aware of your daily thoughts and practices, and you’ll begin living in alignment with the life you’re trying to create.

      As you write and speak your affirmations, focus on gratitude, love (including self-love), optimism, and spiritual guidance. This practice will further increase your vibrational frequency.

      After you write an affirmation, take a look at it, say it, and see how it feels. It should vibrate highly. Keep working on it until it does.

      To achieve the life you want, you will need to write robust, highly vibrating affirmations and believe these declarations to be already true. If you don’t write your affirmations correctly, saying them can be an absolute waste of time. Find out more about how to write affirmations that work in Lemon Moms Life-Altering Affirmations: Change your self-talk, change yourSELF.

      Tools for healing

      Learn about dysfunctional family roles

      Learn about codependency 

      Learn coping skills for the holidays and family visits

      Learn why what you tell yourself matters

      Learn why verbal abuse hurts us

      Learn how to protect yourself with boundaries 

      Learn about the narcissistic abuse cycle

      Learn about Narcissism Awareness Grief

      More Resources You May Like:

      Join the Free Email Survival Course:

      Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

      Private Facebook group included for members only.

      Register Here!
      Free 8-week email Survival Course

        I respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

        Get the TOOLBOX APP

        for instant information, support, and validation!

        Toolbox-App-on-Website-2 How to Start Moving Forward
        GOOGLEPLAY-EMBLEM How to Start Moving Forward
        app-store-logo How to Start Moving Forward

        2-1024x1024 How to Start Moving Forward

        I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal, by Diane Metcalf

        A step-by-step method to learn how to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

        Quick US links:

        Author’s Site: Free Shipping
        Barnes and Noble
        Amazon
        Positivity Shop

        Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

        Sign-up for twice monthly coping and healing strategies right to your inbox!
        ​
        ​
        Your Free Gift:
        An Inner Child Guided Healing Meditation MP3

          We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

          3D-3-book-series How to Start Moving Forward
          Visit the Author’s Site

          About the Author

          Facetune_06-05-2021-18-24-57-239x300 How to Start Moving Forward

          As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping and healing strategies. She happily shares those with those who want to learn and grow in their own recovery journies. 

          Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on narcissism, family dysfunction, and abuse. She draws from her personal childhood experiences, as well as her work in human service fields like domestic violence and partner abuse. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

          Her transformational books about healing and moving forward include the highly praised “Lemon Moms” series. This emotionally supportive collection explains narcissistic traits and teaches how to reconcile past hurts to begin self-nurturing, healing, and moving forward.

          See what’s new on DianeMetcalf.com

          Learn about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

          This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

          Read more

          Please share!

          Reading time: 6 min
          C-PTSD•Cognitive Dissonance•Scapegoating•Trauma

          What the Silent Treatment Does

          mouth covered by tape
          July 19, 2021 by Diane M. Metcalf, MS No Comments

          Narcissists love the silent treatment. It’s their secret weapon when they want to manipulate and hurt in a big way. Using the silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without causing visible evidence.

          Research shows that when we ignore or exclude someone, it activates the same part of their brain as physical pain does. Narcissists instinctively know that this manipulative technique is extremely hurtful. It’s traumatic to those it’s inflicted upon (Eisenberger et al. 2004).

          Quick Links

          • The Stone Wall
          • Punitive Silence
          • More tools for healing:

          Because I write about narcissistic mothers, I’ll note here that a narcissistic mother gets her sense of self through her children. She needs to protect her self-image and her reputation as a loving, caring mother, so her children are a necessary part of her identity. This is why the silent treatment is so meaningful to her. To a narcissistic mother, when she uses the silent treatment, it’s as if she’s cutting off a very displeasing part of herself and, at the same time, understands how painful it feels to the person she’s shunning. I’ve heard others remark that my mother was the kind of person who would cut off her nose to spite her face. Win at any cost, right?

          The Stone Wall

          The silent treatment is a punishment that consists of “hurt and rescue.” It can continue for months or even years and is often used to teach a lesson or to manipulate behavior (Eisenberger et al. 2004). For those of us who’ve been subjected to this form of abuse, it kept us anxious by triggering our fear of abandonment. (Saeed, K. 2019).

          When I was seventeen, I endured my mother’s silent treatment for a little over three months. She had given me the silent treatment before, and she would again, but this instance lasted the longest. For the entire three months, I was met with stony silence any time I attempted to interact with her. She would not make eye contact with me. There was no acknowledgment that I existed whatsoever.

          I broke our silent relationship now and again, testing to see if she would respond, and each time I was met with cold rejection. The message was loud and clear that she was not finished punishing me, and my attempts were not going to have an effect. It was as if I was invisible. I remember needing affirmation from others that they could see me and that I existed. I felt like I was heading into insanity.

          One day, as mysteriously as the silent treatment had started, it ended. When my mother broke the silence and spoke to me, it was some little unimportant phrase that had no real significance, but it indicated the shunning was over.

          I couldn’t figure out what I had done to offend or anger my mother, to cause her to take such extreme action as the silent treatment. I spent an excessive amount of time obsessing about it, replaying scenarios and conversations repeatedly, looking for the cause. I never found it, and of course, we never discussed what happened. If I was supposed to learn a lesson, I never knew what it was. Maybe the whole thing was nothing more than a show of power, meant to demoralize and unsettle me. It remains a mystery to this day.

          fractured-face What the Silent Treatment Does

          Punitive Silence

          When a person is actively ignored, it causes such psychological and emotional anguish that it can actually be seen on brain scans (Pune Mirror 2019). The silent treatment triggers a fear of abandonment, which is very frightening, but for children like me who’d already been abandoned by one parent, it is unbearable. I was obsessed with thoughts like, “Who will take care of me?” “Will I ever matter?” “Will I ever be safe?” “Will anyone ever love me?”

          The fear of abandonment causes anxiety, worry, sleep loss, and inability to concentrate. Imagine trying to learn in school or study for tests while being actively ignored and rejected by a parent. With every silent treatment, we go deeper into survival mode, and we can experience panic attacks, appetite loss, binge-eating, racing heartbeat, nightmares, depression, confusion, and obsessive thinking. With each, we learn to focus more on our mother’s behavior and her needs. We learn to provide what she needs and wants because we fear we’ll be emotionally or physically abandoned again. The need to please and appease her becomes overblown.

          A narcissistic mom understands that she’ll get away with rejecting and shunning because, as children, we have no choice but to welcome her back when she decides to return to our lives. We need her, after all, and she knows it. When she’s ready to acknowledge us again, we’re so happy, aren’t we?

          The narcissistic mom likes knowing how hurt we are by her silent treatment. Our pain demonstrates to her that she is all-powerful and can devastate us if and when she chooses. It’s a great form of narcissistic supply.

          Every time we go through the silent treatment, we’re diminished. Each time we endure active ignoring, we question our self-worth. Our self-esteem and self-image are further eroded, and our fear of abandonment escalates. Despite our accomplishments, acknowledgments, or friendships, we find ourselves desperate for our mother’s approval, which is, of course, always out of reach. We may come close, but we never quite make it.

          We eventually accept that we aren’t worthy of her love or attention. We settle for any crumbs of affection or attention we can get from her. We learn that we’re somehow inferior and will never be able to please her, although we should continue trying.

          This repeated process is called “trauma bonding” and is another example of the powerful emotional bonds created between abuser and abused. Over time, trauma bonds become very resistant to change, contributing to the development of a codependent relationship.

          More tools for healing:

          Set boundaries 

          Understand the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

          Learn about codependency

          Let go of what you can’t control using loving-detachment

          Learn about expectations

          Conscious awareness:  Be aware and make conscious choices before acting. Self-awareness releases us from making impulsive and potentially damaging decisions.

          Self-care: We are in control of ourselves and no one is responsible for us but us. We can only choose to focus on and be responsible for ourselves, our own thoughts, actions, and behavior. We can change ourselves with patience, persistence, and practice. When we take responsibility for getting our needs met, instead of waiting for someone to change or meet our needs for us, we are healing.

          More Resources You May Like:

          Join the Free Email Survival Course:

          Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

          Private Facebook group included for members only.

          Register Here!
          Free 8-week email Survival Course

            I respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

            Get the TOOLBOX APP

            for instant information, support, and validation!

            Toolbox-App-on-Website-2 What the Silent Treatment Does
            GOOGLEPLAY-EMBLEM What the Silent Treatment Does
            app-store-logo What the Silent Treatment Does

            2-1024x1024 What the Silent Treatment Does

            I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal, by Diane Metcalf

            A step-by-step method to learn how to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

            Quick US links:

            Author’s Site: Free Shipping
            Barnes and Noble
            Amazon
            Positivity Shop

            Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

            Sign-up for twice monthly coping and healing strategies right to your inbox!
            ​
            ​
            Your Free Gift:
            An Inner Child Guided Healing Meditation MP3

              We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

              3D-3-book-series What the Silent Treatment Does
              Visit the Author’s Site

              About the Author

              Facetune_06-05-2021-18-24-57-239x300 What the Silent Treatment Does

              As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping and healing strategies. She happily shares those with those who want to learn and grow in their own recovery journies. 

              Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on narcissism, family dysfunction, and abuse. She draws from her personal childhood experiences, as well as her work in human service fields like domestic violence and partner abuse. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

              Her transformational books about healing and moving forward include the highly praised “Lemon Moms” series. This emotionally supportive collection explains narcissistic traits and teaches how to reconcile past hurts to begin self-nurturing, healing, and moving forward.

              See what’s new on DianeMetcalf.com

              Learn about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

              This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

              Read more

              Please share!

              Reading time: 5 min
              C-PTSD•Codependency•Trauma

              Trauma Bonds

              bonds
              February 15, 2021 by Diane M. Metcalf, MS No Comments

              If you suffer from narcissistic abuse syndrome, you are dealing with trauma bonds, as well.

              Any behavior that keeps you on high alert, or focused on someone’s behavior, is capable of forming trauma bonds.

              Quick Links

              • What is a Trauma Bond?
              • How are Trauma Bonds Created?
              • Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome
              • Tools for Healing

              What is a Trauma Bond?

              Trauma bonds occur over time through the use of “intermittent reinforcement,” which is a type of behavioral “conditioning” where a reward (or a punishment) is given irregularly instead of every time the desired behavior is observed. In other words, periods of abuse are interspersed with periods of kindness (or the absence of cruelty). This cycle of “always guessing” keeps the target on high alert in survival mode. They never know when the abuser will be cruel or kind. It’s like a game of chance, like playing slot machines or Bingo. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose, but it’s the possibility of winning that keeps you going back for more.

              How are Trauma Bonds Created?

              Trauma bonds are created in several ways:

              Love bombing: The love bombing dynamic occurs when a narcissist, including narcissistic mothers, unexpectedly showers you with love, attention, kindness, or affection. Love bombing comes in various forms—gift-giving, forgiveness for past “offenses,” anything that makes you feel validated or special. Love bombing helps form a trauma bond because it’s a form of intermittent reinforcement: you never know when it will happen.

              Verbal abuse: Shouting, name-calling, sarcastic comments, character assassination, backhanded compliments, insults, demeaning remarks, “put-downs,” and shaming are some examples of verbal abuse. The abuse happens on an irregular schedule, so it’s a form of intermittent reinforcement (spoken cruelty interspersed with periods of civility and kindness.) The resulting shame causes a trauma bond.

              Positive reinforcement: Although it sounds healthy, positive reinforcement can also create trauma bonds. When a person (including children) is rewarded for doing something they didn’t want to do or obeying without question, there’s a trauma bond created. Healthy relationships don’t require rewards.

              Victim blaming: When a narcissist blames their target (or the narcissist mother blames her child) for the cruelty inflicted upon them, they will likely believe they deserve it because they’ve been conditioned to. This belief establishes a trauma bond.

              Silent treatment: When a narcissist purposefully ignores you, that causes feelings of helplessness, anxiety, and fear of abandonment. Having no control over the situation, you’ll focus on the narcissist and wait for their acceptance, however long it takes.

              “Moving goalposts” (aka changing the goal): Narcissists often redefine or change their expectations, sometimes several times, during any interaction. Doing this ensures a frustrating encounter for those involved. A narcissist (including narcissist mothers) is never satisfied, and keeping you emotionally invested in their happiness creates trauma bonds.

              If you struggle with narcissistic abuse syndrome you’ll often doubt your self-worth and sanity. Targets of narcissistic abuse tend to focus on their faults, failures, and inadequacies, whether they’re real or not. Sometimes these “deficiencies” began as an idea expressed by the vocal narcissist.

              There are several symptoms of narcissistic abuse syndrome. Many of these are the same as those of complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD,) which affects people who’ve experienced serious traumas.

              pexels-karolina-grabowska-4379912 Trauma Bonds

              Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome

              • Accepting an imbalanced sense of responsibility
              • Intrusive, or unwanted thoughts
              • Unhealed triggers (physical and emotional responses to similar past traumatic situations)
              • Flashbacks or nightmares where the target emotionally re-lives a traumatic experience
              • Avoiding people, places, or conditions linked to the narcissist or the traumatic event
              • Feeling isolated, abandoned, or detached.
              • Feeling alert or hyper-vigilant, or easily startled (“fight or flight”)
              • Negative thoughts about self and the world
              • Insecurity
              • Shame
              • Accepting misplaced blame
              • Difficulty concentrating or sleeping
              • Depression
              • Self-destructive behaviors
              • Involvement in abusive romantic relationships
              • Lost trust in family or friends
              • Feeling worthless or unworthy
              • Lost sense of self
              • Holding the narcissist in high esteem
              • Doubting their judgment and decision-making skills
              • Ignoring their own needs
              • Devaluing or minimizing their contributions to relationships
              • Making excuses for a narcissist’s behavior
              • Continually trying to please the narcissist
              • Attachment issues
              • Weak boundaries
              • Addictions
              • Anxiety
              • Perfectionism

              If you constantly wonder about your narcissist’s emotional state, for example, what will he/she be like today? Should you try to avoid them? Or do you frequently-

              • think about what you could be (or should be) doing differently to please them?
              • believe your relationship problems are all your fault?
              • deal with mood swings, lost sleep, anxiety, apprehension?

              These are all symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome, and if you have any of them you may also have trauma bonds. The good news is that you can detach from the abuse and heal. Keep learning and doing the work.


              Could you be feeling the effects of Narcissism Awareness Grief? Download the free chapter to find out:

              EXPERIENCING NARCISSISM AWARENESS GRIEF

              from Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism


              Tools for Healing

              Learn about setting boundaries 

              Learn about codependency and maladaptive coping skills

              Understand the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

              Learn how to stop being a source of narcissistic supply

              Learn about dysfunctional family roles

              Try Expressive Writing

              More Resources You May Like:

              Join the Free Email Survival Course:

              Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

              Private Facebook group included for members only.

              Register Here!
              Free 8-week email Survival Course

                I respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

                Get the TOOLBOX APP

                for instant information, support, and validation!

                Toolbox-App-on-Website-2 Trauma Bonds
                GOOGLEPLAY-EMBLEM Trauma Bonds
                app-store-logo Trauma Bonds

                2-1024x1024 Trauma Bonds

                I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal, by Diane Metcalf

                A step-by-step method to learn how to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

                Quick US links:

                Author’s Site: Free Shipping
                Barnes and Noble
                Amazon
                Positivity Shop

                Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

                Sign-up for twice monthly coping and healing strategies right to your inbox!
                ​
                ​
                Your Free Gift:
                An Inner Child Guided Healing Meditation MP3

                  We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

                  3D-3-book-series Trauma Bonds
                  Visit the Author’s Site

                  About the Author

                  Facetune_06-05-2021-18-24-57-239x300 Trauma Bonds

                  As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping and healing strategies. She happily shares those with those who want to learn and grow in their own recovery journies. 

                  Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on narcissism, family dysfunction, and abuse. She draws from her personal childhood experiences, as well as her work in human service fields like domestic violence and partner abuse. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

                  Her transformational books about healing and moving forward include the highly praised “Lemon Moms” series. This emotionally supportive collection explains narcissistic traits and teaches how to reconcile past hurts to begin self-nurturing, healing, and moving forward.

                  See what’s new on DianeMetcalf.com

                  Learn about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

                  This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

                  Read more

                  Please share!

                  Reading time: 4 min
                  Narcissism•Scapegoating•Trauma

                  Golden, Invisible, and Scapegoat Children

                  roles
                  December 2, 2020 by Diane M. Metcalf, MS No Comments

                  The word “abuse” is full of shame. Using that word regarding childhood experiences might feel like a massive exaggeration of what happened and a handy but sad excuse for unresolved issues. When we use the word “abuse,” it feels like attention and sympathy-seeking. It feels like “poor me; I’m a helpless victim.”

                  Quick Links

                  • Whether You’re Golden, Invisible, or a Scapegoat, it’s All About Control
                  • The Three, Interchangeable Roles
                  • Why It Happens
                  • More Manipulative Tactics
                  • “Stirring the Pot” (Triangulation)
                  • Tools for healing

                  Whether You’re Golden, Invisible, or a Scapegoat, it’s All About Control

                  We may intentionally minimize our painful childhood experiences because we don’t want to think of our mothers as “abusers” or ourselves as unwitting targets. Having those kinds of thoughts can cause us to feel more ashamed, and that affects our core identity. Those of us who’ve experienced traumatic childhood events at the hands of our mothers may feel a sense of disgust or humiliation in addition to shame, and we see ourselves in a negative light when we compare ourselves with others.

                  The Three, Interchangeable Roles

                  There’s a particularly dysfunctional family dynamic in which one of the children becomes “idealized,” the clear parental favorite, known as the “Golden Child,” and the other children take turns being devalued and blamed. They’re known as “Invisible Children” and the “Scapegoats” (Streep 2017). A narcissist-mom controls these roles.

                  The roles of the Golden Child, Invisible Child, and Scapegoat are flexible. Any role can be assigned to any child at any time, depending on the mother’s mood. It’s a “crazy-making” situation because the mom has the unchallenged power to change the entire family dynamic quickly and unpredictably. For those of us in this position, it catches us unaware and unprepared.

                  The Golden Child: The Golden Child’s role is to bring positive attention to the mother and the family. They are the favorite, and as such, may have a special status and receive more attention and praise. They’re the ones that get bragged about. They make the narcissistic mom look great as a mother. Even so, she will always take some credit for their accomplishments. When they walk into the room, mom’s focus is on them. Golden Children may grow up to be adults who are compulsive overachievers or perfectionists who feel a loss of identity and have low self-esteem.

                  “Forms of idealizing include praise, attention, and bragging. Types of devaluing include criticizing, blaming, shaming, lying about, lying to, intentionally frightening, projecting, and gaslighting.”

                  The Invisible Child (aka Lost Child): The Invisible Child “stays under the radar,” follows the rules unquestioningly, is quiet, and is easy-going. Invisible Children are often taken for granted, and their needs are neglected because they never complain or ask for anything. Invisible Children may internalize a sense of having no impact on others, or that their input does not matter. They may grow up to feel insignificant and inconsequential because their sense of identity has not fully developed (Stines, 2018).

                  girl-face Golden, Invisible, and Scapegoat Children

                  The Scapegoat: The Scapegoat’s role is to bear the blame for all of the family’s problems. They are the butt of jokes and get less of everything than the other siblings. They are seen as the problem child. Scapegoats often grow up to become the ones who speak up and challenge the dysfunction. They’re the ones telling the truth about what’s going on in the family and will act out the frustration, anger, and feelings of the entire family (Cole 2019).

                  When we suddenly and unexpectedly become the Scapegoat, it leaves us wondering what the heck just happened. Was it something I said (or didn’t mention or was supposed to mention)? Was it something I did (or didn’t do or did but not correctly)? If not me, then who or what was it? Was it another family member? A friend? Her boss? The traffic? Did something happen at work? Was it the weather? Maybe it was a coworker. Or her supervisor. Perhaps it was the cat? Or something she got (or didn’t get) in the mail?

                  When I found myself in the Scapegoat position, I could literally spend hours trying to figure out why. I wanted and needed to fix it, or at least to understand what had so hugely affected my position within the family. I wanted to attempt to control it and not let it happen again.

                  A sudden change in family positions is upsetting. These random role reversals affect our sense of observation, decision-making, and self-trust because we never know if the explanation we’re giving ourselves is accurate. And we’re continuously guessing our current standing within the family. And if we’re the Golden Child, we’re also appeasing and pleasing our mom because we don’t want to lose that privilege.

                  “Narcissistic mothers revel in generating competition between their children and emotionally distancing them from one another.”

                  Living with a narcissistic mother has been described as “living in a war zone.” Those of us who’ve lived under those circumstances were usually on high alert, in fight-or-flight survival mode, because we had no idea when the next attack or role reversal would happen. It meant we were continuously producing stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, so it was a common occurrence to feel confused or experience scattered thinking, and have difficulty making decisions, or remembering. Eventually, we became emotionally and physically exhausted.

                  There are other subtle ways that narcissistic mothers attempt to control or manipulate their children:

                  • Belittling, criticizing, and name-calling
                  • Patronizing and being condescending
                  • Publicly or privately embarrassing their children
                  • Threatening their children in some way
                  • Ordering their children to do things, taking away their choices
                  • Controlling money or access to it
                  • Monitoring and controlling whereabouts
                  • Exhibiting scary, emotional outbursts
                  • Acting on jealousy
                  • Using manipulative or guilt-inducing ploys
                  • Isolating children from friends, family members, or social connections
                  • Being indifferent to her children’s needs
                  • Denying or trivializing feelings

                  Any combination of these behaviors can result in lowering or destroying a child’s self-esteem and cause them to feel unnecessary fear and shame (McBride 2018).

                  AA-mother-daughter Golden, Invisible, and Scapegoat Children

                  Why It Happens

                  Because narcissistic mothers are so controlling, they need to have reasons that explain undesirable happenings, and they insist on having a person to hold accountable. This phenomenon is known as scapegoating.

                  When a narcissistic mom protects her ego from her own unlikeable qualities, she “projects” them onto the Scapegoat child. There is a risk of neglect, maltreatment, abuse, blame, shame, or even physical violence to these children as a result. She’ll play a game of “whose fault is it? I know it’s not mine” (Brenner et al. 2018). The scapegoating practice happens in dysfunctional families, with the role of the scapegoat being either temporary or permanent. The scapegoat is the “fall guy,” the person who gets blamed for offenses and injustices that happen to anyone in the family. Family members, except for the narcissistic mom, often take turns playing the scapegoat role, and at any given time, the mom determines who the scapegoat is.

                  Tactics like scapegoating are all attempts of the mother to maintain control. When a narcissistic mom feels like she’s losing control over her kids, she will often lash out in vengeful ways, subtly or with direct hostility. Narcissistic mothers are highly reactive to any threat or challenge to their power. They have a sense of entitlement, ownership, and possession of their kids.

                  More Manipulative Tactics

                  There is a multitude of ways that a narcissistic mother can emotionally injure her children. I believe these behaviors are the result of other, often unrelated issues, such as:

                  1. She’s not articulate or doesn’t have a strong vocabulary, so she’s not able to accurately express or describe what she’s thinking or feeling.
                  2. She doesn’t know how to identify her emotions.
                  3. She hasn’t had an emotionally healthy upbringing, or she hasn’t witnessed emotionally healthy relationships.
                  4. She’s emotionally immature and can’t regulate her emotions.
                  5. She hasn’t personally experienced or learned strong parenting skills.

                  Narcissistic mothers manipulate and control their children in a variety of ways:

                  • Withholding affection, affirmation, validation, attention, encouragement, praise, and other self-esteem building behaviors
                  • Exhibiting intense and scary displays of emotion and drama (“narcissistic rages”)
                  • Verbally abusing them with insults, criticism, and name-calling
                  • Threatening violence (may or may not be carried out)
                  • Maintaining a victim mentality
                  • Rejection
                  • Lying
                  • Giving the “silent treatment” as a form of punishment
                  • Exercising a “selective memory”
                  • Gaslighting to control perceptions and memories

                  I’m personally familiar with all of these tactics. Gaslighting is the one that harmed me the most. It’s an extremely emotionally and mentally destructive form of manipulation.

                  Even though most of the above-listed behaviors are not physically hurtful, each one can activate the pain centers in the human brain. Research in the field of neuroscience shows us that even perceived rejection activates the area of the brain where pain is felt (Eisenberger et al. 2004). The point is that verbal abuse, threats, rejection, and other forms of emotional mistreatment do hurt us.

                  “Stirring the Pot” (Triangulation)

                  A narcissistic mother revels in generating competition between her children and emotionally distancing them from one another. These moms enjoy creating distrust, doubt, insecurity, competition, and resentment between siblings. As I’ve mentioned, this is called triangulation. It’s also a manipulative tactic, used to control information or interactions between individuals.

                  A therapist once suggested that triangulation was a form of entertainment for my mom. She liked creating drama. She’d stir up trouble, then sit back and enjoy the show. For example, my mom would say one thing to me, putting a specific person in a negative light, and then she’d provide a slightly different version, with me as the “bad guy,” to the other person. When we sensed that something negative was happening between us, but not of our own doing, the other person and I began communicating directly with each other. We compared the different versions of my mother’s stories and soon came to realize that we were being manipulated seemingly for my mother’s amusement. I informed my mother that we were aware of what she was doing. Of course, she flipped the scenario, instantly becoming the innocent victim, but the triangulation stopped pretty much immediately.

                  More on Triangulation later.


                  Could you be feeling the effects of Narcissism Awareness Grief? Download the free chapter to find out:

                  EXPERIENCING NARCISSISM AWARENESS GRIEF

                  from Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism


                  Tools for healing

                  Conscious awareness:  Be aware and make conscious choices before acting. Self-awareness releases us from making impulsive and potentially damaging decisions.

                  Learn how to practice mindfulness.

                  Understand the Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse

                  Learn about setting boundaries 

                  Learn about codependency and other unhelpful coping skills

                  Learn about Narcissism Awareness Grief

                  More Resources You May Like:

                  Join the Free Email Survival Course:

                  Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

                  Private Facebook group included for members only.

                  Register Here!
                  Free 8-week email Survival Course

                    I respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

                    Get the TOOLBOX APP

                    for instant information, support, and validation!

                    Toolbox-App-on-Website-2 Golden, Invisible, and Scapegoat Children
                    GOOGLEPLAY-EMBLEM Golden, Invisible, and Scapegoat Children
                    app-store-logo Golden, Invisible, and Scapegoat Children

                    2-1024x1024 Golden, Invisible, and Scapegoat Children

                    I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal, by Diane Metcalf

                    A step-by-step method to learn how to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

                    Quick US links:

                    Author’s Site: Free Shipping
                    Barnes and Noble
                    Amazon
                    Positivity Shop

                    Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

                    Sign-up for twice monthly coping and healing strategies right to your inbox!
                    ​
                    ​
                    Your Free Gift:
                    An Inner Child Guided Healing Meditation MP3

                      We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

                      3D-3-book-series Golden, Invisible, and Scapegoat Children
                      Visit the Author’s Site

                      About the Author

                      Facetune_06-05-2021-18-24-57-239x300 Golden, Invisible, and Scapegoat Children

                      As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping and healing strategies. She happily shares those with those who want to learn and grow in their own recovery journies. 

                      Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on narcissism, family dysfunction, and abuse. She draws from her personal childhood experiences, as well as her work in human service fields like domestic violence and partner abuse. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

                      Her transformational books about healing and moving forward include the highly praised “Lemon Moms” series. This emotionally supportive collection explains narcissistic traits and teaches how to reconcile past hurts to begin self-nurturing, healing, and moving forward.

                      See what’s new on DianeMetcalf.com

                      Learn about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

                      This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

                      Read more

                      Please share!

                      Reading time: 8 min
                      Gaslighting•Narcissism•Trauma

                      What’s YOUR Superpower?

                      superpowers
                      July 12, 2020 by Diane Metcalf, MS No Comments

                      Developing superpowers as a result of growing up with a toxic person

                      Have you ever thought about how someone’s toxicity has affected you?

                      I have. If you have too, you might’ve first realized all of the negative ways your life was impacted by someone else’s untreated issues, faulty perceptions, or negativity.

                      But what if you turned those around and gave them a positive spin?

                      Quick Links

                      • Claim your superpowers
                      • Tools for healing:

                      This list was compiled from responses given in a support group for Scapegoat Adult Children of Narcissists. They were asked the question: What superpowers have you developed because you lived with a mentally ill, dysfunctional, or toxic person?

                      superpower What's YOUR Superpower?

                      Here are some of the responses these incredible people provided. I hope this list gives you a new sense of personal power and helps you recognize more of what makes you awesome!

                      Claim your superpowers

                      • Dark sense of humor
                      • Able to sense toxic people
                      • Able to detect mental illness or something mentally wrong with a person.
                      • Able to read body language
                      • Able to sense danger
                      • Fierce independence
                      • Resourcefulness
                      • Resilience
                      • Psychoanalyze everyone
                      • Strong intuition
                      • Self-sufficiency
                      • Good at pretending to be asleep
                      • Self mothering/nurturing
                      • Anticipate multiple outcomes and is prepared for almost anything
                      • Comfortable being alone
                      • Able to tolerate high stress
                      • Know when something bad is going to happen
                      • Feel other peoples energy
                      • Feel calm in an emergency or crisis
                      • Able to figure out complicated things
                      • Nurturing
                      • Patient
                      • Able to read micro facial expressions 
                      • Able to detect changes in people’s energy
                      • Can hone in on certain sounds: keys, footsteps, voices, car engines
                      • Move stealthily/silently
                      • Become invisible/unnoticeable
                      • Able to sneeze, cough and cry silently
                      • Good at keeping other’s secrets
                      • Empathic
                      • Remember every detail of events and conversations because of former gaslighting
                      • Great at dealing with angry people
                      • Ability to sense a con-artist
                      • Great at cleaning
                      • Great at anything to do with image: designing, decorating, clothing, accessorizing
                      • Great at detecting narcissists
                      • Able to hide emotions
                      • Able to detect untrustworthy people
                      • Able to lie well if needed
                      • Able to manipulate others if needed
                      • Very discerning
                      • Well organized
                      • Able to admit when wrong
                      • Resourceful
                      • Quick thinking
                      • Able to escape situations
                      • Able to see other’s perspectives
                      • Able to manage people
                      • Able to emotionally detach
                      • Able to tune people out
                      • Can switch emotions on and off
                      • Adapt to any surroundings
                      • Able to dissect a situation in seconds
                      • Able to diffuse arguments
                      • Good emotional control
                      • Cook well, able to make meals out of nothing
                      • Outspoken
                      • Great self-preservation skills
                      • Super observant
                      • Deep self-awareness
                      • Able to save money for unforeseen trouble
                      • Thrive under pressure
                      • See the red flags
                      • Problem solver
                      • PerfectionistIc
                      • Successfully sneaky when needed
                      • Bionic ears
                      • Diplomatic
                      • Get along with literally anyone

                      What superpowers do YOU have? If you send them to me at Diane@dianemetcalf.com, I’ll add them to this list (anonymously, of course!)

                      Tools for healing:

                      Conscious awareness: Be aware and make conscious choices before acting. Self-awareness releases us from making impulsive and potentially damaging decisions.

                      Understand the Abuse Cycle

                      Learn about letting go of what you can’t control, by using positive-detachment

                      Learn how expectations can be harmful

                      Learn how to set boundaries

                      Self-care: We can only choose to focus on and be responsible for ourselves, our own thoughts, actions, and behavior. We can change ourselves with patience, persistence, and practice. We can take responsibility for getting our needs met, instead of waiting for someone to change or meet our needs for us. We are in control of ourselves and no one is responsible for us but us.

                      Practice mindfulness

                      Learn about codependency and other maladaptive coping skills

                      Take the Adverse Childhood Experiences Quiz

                      Learn the signs of Narcissism Awareness Grief

                      More Resources You May Like:

                      Join the Free Email Survival Course:

                      Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

                      Private Facebook group included for members only.

                      Register Here!
                      Free 8-week email Survival Course

                        I respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

                        Get the TOOLBOX APP

                        for instant information, support, and validation!

                        Toolbox-App-on-Website-2 What's YOUR Superpower?
                        GOOGLEPLAY-EMBLEM What's YOUR Superpower?
                        app-store-logo What's YOUR Superpower?

                        2-1024x1024 What's YOUR Superpower?

                        I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal, by Diane Metcalf

                        A step-by-step method to learn how to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

                        Quick US links:

                        Author’s Site: Free Shipping
                        Barnes and Noble
                        Amazon
                        Positivity Shop

                        Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

                        Sign-up for twice monthly coping and healing strategies right to your inbox!
                        ​
                        ​
                        Your Free Gift:
                        An Inner Child Guided Healing Meditation MP3

                          We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

                          3D-3-book-series What's YOUR Superpower?
                          Visit the Author’s Site

                          About the Author

                          Facetune_06-05-2021-18-24-57-239x300 What's YOUR Superpower?

                          As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping and healing strategies. She happily shares those with those who want to learn and grow in their own recovery journies. 

                          Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on narcissism, family dysfunction, and abuse. She draws from her personal childhood experiences, as well as her work in human service fields like domestic violence and partner abuse. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

                          Her transformational books about healing and moving forward include the highly praised “Lemon Moms” series. This emotionally supportive collection explains narcissistic traits and teaches how to reconcile past hurts to begin self-nurturing, healing, and moving forward.

                          See what’s new on DianeMetcalf.com

                          Learn about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

                          This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

                          Read more

                          Please share!

                          Reading time: 3 min
                          Page 1 of 3123»

                          Do You Have Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?

                          FIND OUT HERE!

                          Recent Posts

                          • Starting Fresh Requires Looking Back
                          • Why You Should Change Your Self-talk
                          • The Act of Shaming
                          • When a Caregiver is a Narcissist
                          • Narcissistic Lying

                          Older Posts

                          • January 2023
                          • December 2022
                          • November 2022
                          • October 2022
                          • September 2022
                          • August 2022
                          • July 2022
                          • June 2022
                          • May 2022
                          • April 2022
                          • March 2022
                          • February 2022
                          • January 2022
                          • December 2021
                          • November 2021
                          • October 2021
                          • September 2021
                          • August 2021
                          • July 2021
                          • June 2021
                          • May 2021
                          • April 2021
                          • March 2021
                          • February 2021
                          • January 2021
                          • December 2020
                          • November 2020
                          • October 2020
                          • September 2020
                          • August 2020
                          • July 2020
                          • June 2020
                          • May 2020
                          • April 2020
                          • March 2020
                          • February 2020
                          • January 2020
                          • December 2019
                          • November 2019
                          • October 2019
                          • September 2019
                          • August 2019
                          • July 2019
                          • June 2019
                          • May 2019
                          • April 2019
                          • March 2019
                          • February 2019
                          • January 2019

                          Categories

                          • Anger
                          • Books
                          • Boundaries
                          • C-PTSD
                          • Codependency
                          • Cognitive Dissonance
                          • Detaching
                          • Gaslighting
                          • Healing Affirmations
                          • Isolation
                          • Narcissism
                          • Resources
                          • Scapegoating
                          • Self Care
                          • Self-talk
                          • Shame
                          • Trauma
                          • Well-being

                          © 2023 DianeMetcalf.com | All Rights Reserved 
                           

                           

                          We use cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Cookie settingsI'd love some cookies!
                          Privacy & Cookies Policy

                          Privacy Overview

                          This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are as essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
                          Necessary
                          Always Enabled
                          Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
                          SAVE & ACCEPT