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Finding Happiness in Imperfection

Our expectations stem from our desires for certain people’s behavior, including our own. Some of our expectations may be realistic, while others may not.

It’s common to tie our worth or perceived value as a person to the expectations we hold. For example, if I expect my friends to acknowledge my birthday and they don’t, I could end up feeling unloved, forgotten, or uncared for. So, it’s equally important to share our expectations with others rather than requiring them to read our minds. If it’s important to me to be remembered on my special day, then it’s my responsibility to ensure that others know about that expectation, or I may be sorely disappointed.

Expectations can be too high or too low. Holding on to these kinds of unrealistic expectations for ourselves and others is potentially damaging because it sets everyone up for failure. Unrealistic expectations are rigid; they don’t leave room for unexpected change or and they don’t allow flexibility. They are often fear-based. Maybe you’re afraid of losing something or someone or of someone taking something from you.

High expectations may be difficult or even impossible to achieve, leading to disappointment and feelings of failure and the “not good enough’s.”

Low expectations for ourselves and others can lead to the same kinds of feelings that high expectations do when they’re not met. Ironically, if we’re people-pleasers, we may purposefully or subconsciously set low expectations to avoid feeling disappointed. Either way, expecting too much or too little can lead to feeling resentful, angry, or hurt when that expectation isn’t met.

It can feel like an expectation is fair, reasonable, and realistic, but experience has shown that it can’t be met. Time to change that expectation! Flexible and adaptable expectations work best. Releasing unrealistic or unhealthy expectations brings peace.

If we use words like “never” and “always” when we think about our expectations, it indicates that they are unreasonable. Those expectations are unrealistic because they are rigid and lack space for change or flexibility. They use “black and white” (“all or none”) thinking.

If you’re unsure if an expectation is appropriate, seeking a trustworthy person’s perspective and feedback can be helpful.

Becoming aware of our expectations and detaching from the outcomes reduces the chance of feeling resentful in the future. When we practice detaching from outcomes, our fears and resentments can begin to diminish.

The Power of Managing Expectations

You know that how we interact with others is a choice. And how we interact with others, and the expectations we place on them, can make or break a relationship. For example, suppose we expect something from others without communicating about it or empathizing with their current situation. In that case, we may end up dealing with misunderstandings and feeling disappointed, resentful, angry, or hurt.

Mind reading was a regular expectation in my family of origin, and it caused a lot of misunderstandings, hurt feelings, anger, and resentment. It’s easy to believe that people in our lives will “just know” what we want or need at any given time. If they know us or LOVE us, they should just KNOW what we want or need without having to be TOLD, right? Not only do we expect them to know what we need and want automatically, but we assume that they’ll do those things too. When they don’t know the expectations and don’t follow through, we feel resentful. How ridiculous is that? And how unfair is that to them?

If we grew up in a dysfunctional or unhealthy environment, we might assume “bad things” will always be part of our lives. We may now be adults who expect the worst of others, or we may live fearfully.

Changing your attitudes about what you expect will change your life. Over time, you’ll become less likely to feel disappointed, angry, or resentful. 

Breaking Free from Unrealistic Relationship Expectations

Releasing the fantasy of “perfect” relationships is crucial here. Social media contributes highly to this fallacy of perfection; posts showing others’ fabulous lives and “perfect” relationships can keep us focused on what we’re “missing out” on, contributing to unhappiness and resentment. Remember, there is no such thing as perfection. Perfection doesn’t exist. If you find yourself striving for perfection, do yourself a favor and stop struggling to achieve a non-existent standard. Continuing to hold onto unrealistic, unachievable expectations will only keep you stuck and unhappy with yourself or your relationships. It’s a no-win condition.

Setting boundaries and saying what you mean while meaning what you say will also go a long way in eliminating the potential for resentment to set in. A tool I have found useful when someone asks or requires something of me is asking myself whether I can do the thing without resentment. If my answer is no, then I don’t do it. I don’t offer explanations; remember, “no” is a complete sentence. I simply state that I’m sorry, but no, it’s not something I can do at this time. Maybe another time.

As you evaluate the expectations you have for yourself or someone else, try not to judge or label your feelings about them as good or bad. Feelings are neither good nor bad; they simply provide information. It will be useful information that you can repurpose in other areas of your personal development journey.

We’re always growing, so setting flexible expectations means that they can grow with us. Setting healthy expectations is possible with awareness, acceptance, self-compassion, and boundaries in place to maintain safety. Letting go of outdated, unrealistic expectations for ourselves and others can be a positive step in healing relational trauma.

The Power of Letting Go: Releasing Your Expectations for a Happier Life

• Examine an expectation you have for a specific person. Is your expectation realistic? How do you know? How can you change it if it’s not?
• How important is this expectation? Is it worth sleepless nights? Is it worth feeling angry, hurt feelings, or resentful? Is it worth losing or damaging the relationship?
• Let go; detach from the outcome. Let others be who they are. Notice how this feels. Is it pleasant? Do you feel the need to control? Why or why not?
• Let go of expectations around what people say (or don’t say) or what they do (or don’t).
• Let go of outcomes. How does it feel? Scary? Anxiety-provoking? What can you do about that?
• Make “letting go” of expectations a process. It’s not an event.
• Focus on progress, not perfection.
• Trust the process.

Tools for Healing

Learn about dysfunctional family roles

Learn about people-pleasing 

Learn coping skills for the holidays and family visits

Learn what verbal abuse does

Learn how to protect yourself with boundaries 

Learn about the narcissistic abuse cycle

More Resources You May Like:

Join the Free Email Survival Course:

Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

Private Facebook group included for members only.

Get the TOOLBOX APP

for instant information, support, and validation!

I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal, by Diane Metcalf

Experience the power of self-affirmation: using positive statements to improve well-being and performance. Learn research-based steps to write the most effective affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

Get it Here:

Author’s Site: Free Shipping

Barnes and Noble

Amazon

Browse the Positivity Shop

Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

About the Author

Drawing from her personal experiences of growing up in a dysfunctional household, Diane Metcalf has developed effective coping and healing strategies. With the assistance of professional therapists and mindful personal growth, she has honed her skills and now happily shares them with others who are interested in learning and growing.

As an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer, Diane is well-versed in topics such as narcissism, family dysfunction, abuse, and recognizing warning signs. Her extensive knowledge is drawn not only from her personal experiences, but also from her work in human service fields, including domestic violence, partner abuse, and court advocacy. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

Diane’s transformational books on healing and personal growth, such as the highly acclaimed “Lemon Moms” series, offer emotional support and guidance in understanding narcissistic traits and healing past wounds. Her approach emphasizes self-awareness, intention, self-care, and establishing healthy boundaries as essential components in the healing process.

Learn more about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

See what’s happening on DianeMetcalf.com

This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

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If your mother has narcissistic traits or is a narcissist, then it’s improbable that you’ll be able to have that heart-to-heart connection with her that you’ve always longed for. You know: where you can just visit peacefully, enjoy each other’s company, and relate. In your fantasy, you feel lighthearted, and being with her feels easy. You laugh, and you feel safe and comfortable. In your imaginary time together, your mother doesn’t judge you, criticize, or make barbed comments, and you don’t have to justify and defend your every thought, feeling, or choice. In your fantasy, your mother accepts and supports you; she hears you, she sees you, and you feel as though you matter a great deal to her. You feel secure in knowing she’s got your back.

Yes, those of us with narcissistic mothers have those kinds of fantasies. And in recovery, we learn to accept that she’s simply not capable of this kind of emotional connection, and we begin to let that idea go so that we can get unstuck and move forward. In healing, we come to realize that there are and always will be others who want an emotional connection with us, and we nurture those relationships. Some of us may even be fortunate enough to find a mother figure who meets our needs.

No, you won’t have that heart-to-heart connection with her, but you can learn to interact with her without getting hurt or frustrated. You can learn how to protect yourself and minimize the severity of the usual painful exchanges. Of course, you have the choice to go “no contact.” For me, “no contact” felt extreme, binary, and “all or none.” I wanted to try something different that would allow interaction while keeping me safe, remaining in my power. So I developed a method that, over time, worked to protect me during our interactions.

Pointless Arguments

Narcissists live by their emotions, and their emotional state dictates how they respond. By the way, there is no scientific consensus on a definition of emotion. In my books, I define emotion as a feeling which has a chosen meaning attached to it. So, a feeling + a chosen meaning = an emotion.

As we know, emotions are not data, and they’re not factual. Emotions are chemically driven and are affected by a myriad of variables like environmental stimuli, physical health, age, worldview, self-talk, sleep quality and quantity, stress level, personal experience, food choices, beliefs, memories, thoughts, and much more. Narcissists may understand this, but they can’t relate to it.

For example, can the weather cause you to feel an emotion? Well, maybe. If you’re inside today, cozy and comfortable, and it begins to storm, do you feel any emotion about it? Some will say yes, and some will say no. But if you’re getting married today and it begins to downpour, will you have feelings about it? You’ll likely have strong feelings; disappointment, anger, sadness, or others. If you’re a farmer during a drought, you’d be elated about the drencher. In each example, the meaning each person gives to “rain” is very different, and the resulting emotion will align with that meaning. As they say, “perspective is everything.”

Narcissists have a self-centered perspective, and as their emotions change, their reality changes along with it. They view the present moment however their emotional filters are presenting it, and they’re usually going to be a victim. Discussions with a narcissistic mother are frustrating. If your mother is a narcissist, conversations seem futile and pointless. You’re not heard, much less understood. Your thoughts, feelings, and opinions are invalidated or mocked. You might even be called names or shouted at.

“You won’t have a heart-to-heart connection with your mother, but you can learn how to interact with her in a way that feels empowering.”

When emotionally healthy adults disagree with each other, they still speak politely to each other. They use logic, intelligence, good judgment, and skill sets like negotiation and compromise. In conversations with emotionally immature people like narcissists, this isn’t possible. A narcissistic mother talks at you and doesn’t hear what you say. She’s preoccupied, thinking of her next response and reviewing the list of ways that you’ve “wronged her.” Because she’s driven by emotion and the need to feel admired, correct, and superior, she challenges every point you make.

Emotionally Exhausting Discussions

Narcissistic moms enjoy having pointless arguments. They love it when we keep explaining, keep trying, and keep showing her that we’re emotionally invested in our relationship with her. They love that we care about what she thinks of us. These are forms of narcissistic supply for her. Have you ever had a long argument about nothing? That’s a form of supply; she was rejuvenated while you were being drained.

To minimize the possibility of a time-wasting, emotionally exhausting discussion, particular actions need to be taken before, during, and after talking with your narcissistic mother.

End Frustrating Conversations

From now on, conversations with your mom need to be planned. You’ll need to strategize. This sounds ridiculous when you consider you’re going through all of this trouble just to have a conversation with your mother. It shouldn’t be this difficult, right? You might even feel anger or resentment because of all the extra time and planning it will take to have a civil conversation with her. I get it, and it’s OK to feel that way. I did too.

What you’re doing here is taking back your power. Based on past experience, you’re thinking about the different scenarios, twists, and turns the conversation could take, and you’re preparing to handle them with grace and dignity.

You’re attempting to maximize the possibility of a drama-free discussion, which is a respectable goal. This is not about your mother; it’s about you. You’re going to take back your power and run this show. Focus on what you want that to look like and use the tools available. These tools include limiting your expectations, setting personal boundaries, and knowing and controlling your emotional triggers.

You need to be comfortable setting your expectations and boundaries for this conversation. Don’t try this until you’ve done the work regarding expectations and boundaries.

You need to be aware of your emotional triggers and have a plan for what you’ll do if you get triggered. The last thing you want to do is lose control of your emotions. Remember—your emotional outburst is her narcissistic supply. If you lose control of yourself, that will be a reward for her. Do not reward her. The whole idea here is to deny her any narcissistic supply so that you can have a drama-free conversation.

At first, you might feel anxious about setting the “rules of engagement” for your talk. With practice, it becomes more comfortable each time, and you’ll want to continue doing it because it works.

Here’s a general outline for preparing for a conversation with your narcissistic mother. I developed this strategy and tweaked it over the years, and I’ve had great success with it:

• Set the date. Choose a day and time when you’re likely to feel confident and centered. The more you practice mindfulness, becoming aware of your moods, triggers, cycles, etc., the more self-aware you’ll become.
• Set start and end times for the conversation. Be prepared to stick to the time frame.
• Limit the length of contact and keep it brief. Estimate how much time this conversation would typically take with someone other than your mom and aim for that amount.
• Set ground rules (boundaries) around how you’d like the conversation to flow.
• Notify your mother (or not). If her schedule fluctuates or you’re meeting at a designated spot, you’ll need her cooperation to schedule a get-together. If you interact with her regularly, you won’t need to set a formal date unless you feel strongly that you should. (Personally, I wouldn’t give any indication that something different or unexpected is about to happen.)
• Be ready to end the conversation early. It’s OK if that happens.

Before you meet:

• Strategize: know what you want to talk about and the points you want to make. Have your facts ready.
• Examine and understand your expectations for this discussion and revise them where necessary. I’ve heard expectations defined as “premeditated resentments.” Try not to have expectations. If you don’t expect a particular outcome, you can’t be disappointed.
• Set personal boundaries regarding the behaviors you will and will not accept from your mother. Have a plan for how you’ll respond if she exhibits unacceptable behaviors.
• Know what activates your emotional triggers. Have a planned response for when your mother starts pushing those buttons so you’re not caught off guard and succumb to the attack.
• Practice the conversation alone or with a trusted family member or friend, but practice!

The day of:

• Understand your topic of conversation and why you chose it. Review your expectations and your boundaries again.
• Review your triggers and what you’ll do if you get triggered.
• Take a deep breath, meditate, or do whatever makes you feel grounded.
• Visualize the conversation going the way you want it to. Envision your personal power as an interior ball of energy. Imagine a control panel to vary the level of power and crank it up until it’s radiating brightly, enveloping you. Keep this image with you throughout your meeting.
• Go over the ground rules (boundaries) with her. Do this calmly, respectfully, and firmly whether it’s the first time or the hundredth. Your mother needs to be aware of the requirements necessary for the conversation to continue. She needs to know that if she doesn’t adhere to them, the discussion will end immediately when the boundary is broken. She doesn’t need to agree with this. This is your boundary, and it’s for you, not her. For example, to state your boundary and the consequence for breaking it, you can say something like: “I know in the past when we’ve disagreed, it ended badly. I don’t want that to happen again. It’s important to me that we listen to and hear each other and respect each other’s feelings, so if we can’t maintain a calm and respectful tone, I will leave.” This is not a threat; it is a boundary that you have set to keep yourself safe. A boundary is a form of personal power, something you do for yourself in response to someone’s inappropriate behavior. A boundary allows choices, including the choice to break the boundary and experience the consequences, whereas a threat takes away choices. A threat is a form of manipulation with the intent to control.

Now, this is really important: if you say you will leave when the boundary is broken, then you absolutely have to leave. Don’t argue back. Don’t defend yourself. Don’t explain. When that boundary of calm and respect has been broken, you just get up and go. There is no explanation necessary because you already gave it before the conversation started.

It’s important to honor your boundaries; otherwise, you’re teaching your mother that you’re “all talk but no action.” It hurts the first time you enforce a boundary. It hurts the next time too. But here’s my point: if you’re consistent, your mother will learn that she can’t treat you poorly anymore. Whether she likes it or not, she’ll learn that she must honor your boundaries if she wants to have any interaction with you at all.

Training your mother to behave differently when she’s with you will take time and repetition. There’s nothing more frustrating to her than pushing your buttons and getting no response, getting no supply from you. It’s not going to happen on the first attempt. To make her understand that you’re serious, you’ll need to enforce your boundaries repeatedly. Keep in mind that she’s not becoming empathetic, more understanding, or more emotionally attached to you. No, those are complex changes that she’s not capable of making. What’s actually happening is much more straightforward: she’s learning that her source of supply (you) goes away when she does x, y, or z.

During the conversation:

• Be direct. Speak assertively.
• Make factual statements. Do not explain your feelings or your choices. Explaining yourself only serves to feed your mother’s ego and give her more attention and supply.
• Do not defend or justify. Do not provide any supply. Use the gray rock method if you know it.
• Maintain your boundaries.
• Stay in your power. Remember, you will act with dignity and grace in your personal power. It does not matter how she chooses to act.

Don’t forget; that your mother has a right to her own thoughts and perceptions of you. This isn’t about trying to get her to see you or accept you. That’s not going to happen. This is about sharing information and feelings authentically.

Having a conversation with a narcissistic mother feels like a game of emotional tug-of-war. But when you drop your end of the rope, the game stops. It can’t continue unless you pick up your end and start pulling again. So, no more games. You don’t have to explain that you’re no longer playing or why. Your actions speak loud and clear: when you drop the rope, you’re demonstrating that she no longer has control over you.

If you haven’t tried this, I can tell you from experience that it’s very empowering.

After the conversation:

Take some quiet time alone to review how it went and how you feel. Journal about the conversation’s pros and cons. Talk about how it went well and how it didn’t. Write about what you’ll need to do differently the next time you get together. Write it out, review it, and use it the next time you spend time with your mother. Doing these will build the consistency that it takes. Each time you interact, you’ll make those little tweaks and changes, and eventually, you’ll have a solid way of conversing with your mom that works for you.

Now, go do something wonderful for your self-care.

Tools for Healing

Discover the Traits of a Narcissistic Mother

Understand the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

Learn about dysfunctional family roles

Limit expectations

Learn why words can hurt as much as physical abuse

Take the Adverse Childhood Experiences Quiz to see how childhood trauma is affecting you

More Resources You May Like:

Join the Free Email Survival Course:

Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

Private Facebook group included for members only.

Get the TOOLBOX APP

for instant information, support, and validation!

I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal, by Diane Metcalf

Experience the power of self-affirmation: using positive statements to improve well-being and performance. Learn research-based steps to write the most effective affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

Get it Here:

Author’s Site: Free Shipping

Barnes and Noble

Amazon

Browse the Positivity Shop

Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

About the Author

Drawing from her personal experiences of growing up in a dysfunctional household, Diane Metcalf has developed effective coping and healing strategies. With the assistance of professional therapists and mindful personal growth, she has honed her skills and now happily shares them with others who are interested in learning and growing.

As an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer, Diane is well-versed in topics such as narcissism, family dysfunction, abuse, and recognizing warning signs. Her extensive knowledge is drawn not only from her personal experiences, but also from her work in human service fields, including domestic violence, partner abuse, and court advocacy. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

Diane’s transformational books on healing and personal growth, such as the highly acclaimed “Lemon Moms” series, offer emotional support and guidance in understanding narcissistic traits and healing past wounds. Her approach emphasizes self-awareness, intention, self-care, and establishing healthy boundaries as essential components in the healing process.

Learn more about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

See what’s happening on DianeMetcalf.com

This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

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I do not get emotionally involved. I detach.

Watch and Learn

As a pretend anthropologist, my job is to study their behavior and how they live, interact, cooperate, and handle conflict. To do my job correctly, I must not engage. And I definitely must not allow myself to be drawn into any conflicts or irrational behavior. I stay emotionally and positively detached solely by observing. I make mental notes like, “That was a strange thing to do,” or “I wonder why he said THAT?” or “Wow, that reaction made no sense!” and so on. Later, I’ll journal about it (or talk with someone I trust) to potentially gain understanding, insight, and perspective.

Remain Detached

In the same spirit of observing and staying uninvolved, a friend recently shared a little game that she and another aware family member play at their family gatherings. It’s called I SPOT DYSFUNCTION BINGO, and it’s an awesome coping tool.

Before the gathering, the two of them decide what behaviors will be in their game. They include things like “Johnny does his disappearing act,” “Mother promotes her victimhood,” “Sister Sally whips up drama,” “Brother Bill gets high,” “Cousin Nicky loses her temper,” “Dad makes someone cry,” and “Aunt Mary gets drunk.” They quietly keep tabs on the unfolding events and secretly acknowledge when one of them has noticed five of the target behaviors and gets a BINGO.

What a healthy way to remain aware yet emotionally detached while also receiving validation! I’m definitely keeping this one in my arsenal of coping strategies.

As with this or any coping tool you use, celebrate your insights about maladaptive behavior, whether it’s yours or someone else’s, and the clarity your insights bring. Acknowledge what you’ve learned AND HOW YOU CAN APPLY IT in the future. That’s called PROGRESS!

More tools for healing:

Learn about dysfunctional family roles

Learn about codependency 

Learn how to protect yourself with boundaries 

Learn about the narcissistic abuse cycle

Learn about Narcissism Awareness Grief

Learn how to use positive detachment

Learn why uncommunicated expectations can be harmful

More Resources You May Like:

Join the Free Email Survival Course:

Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

Private Facebook group included for members only.

Get the TOOLBOX APP

for instant information, support, and validation!

I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal, by Diane Metcalf

Experience the power of self-affirmation: using positive statements to improve well-being and performance. Learn research-based steps to write the most effective affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

Get it Here:

Author’s Site: Free Shipping

Barnes and Noble

Amazon

Browse the Positivity Shop

Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

About the Author

Drawing from her personal experiences of growing up in a dysfunctional household, Diane Metcalf has developed effective coping and healing strategies. With the assistance of professional therapists and mindful personal growth, she has honed her skills and now happily shares them with others who are interested in learning and growing.

As an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer, Diane is well-versed in topics such as narcissism, family dysfunction, abuse, and recognizing warning signs. Her extensive knowledge is drawn not only from her personal experiences, but also from her work in human service fields, including domestic violence, partner abuse, and court advocacy. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

Diane’s transformational books on healing and personal growth, such as the highly acclaimed “Lemon Moms” series, offer emotional support and guidance in understanding narcissistic traits and healing past wounds. Her approach emphasizes self-awareness, intention, self-care, and establishing healthy boundaries as essential components in the healing process.

Learn more about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

See what’s happening on DianeMetcalf.com

This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

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What is Narcissistic Supply?

We know that narcissists require admiration, and if they don’t get it, they may react with rage, ridicule, mockery, or by humiliating their target. Narcissists are arrogant and proud and view others as insignificant or as competitors to conquer. They feel entitled and expect special treatment.​

The term “narcissistic supply” defines the admiration that narcissists need to keep their self-esteem intact, and this concept was first introduced to the field of psychoanalytic theory by Otto Fenichel in 1938.  Narcissists need to take this supply of approval from the people in their environment so that their false faces can survive.

Methods for obtaining supply

Overt narcissists (arrogant, loud, insensitive to the needs of others, lack empathy, always looking for compliments) attract attention to themselves directly by over-dressing, dressing provocatively, talking too loudly, wearing attention-getting makeup, hairstyles or accessories, or driving conspicuous vehicles. They seem to be shouting LOOK AT ME!

Covert narcissists crave admiration and importance and lack empathy but are less “obvious.” They are harder to spot as a narcissist. They get their supply mainly from being rescued or emotionally care-taken, especially by their children. Taking care of a covert narcissist’s needs will be number one on their priority list. If you question them, they’ll assume you’re challenging them and will become defensive, maybe violent. Narcissists don’t respect your boundaries or your privacy. For example, a narcissistic mother would be totally at ease going into her children’s personal space, looking in purses, reading journals, listening to phone conversations, reading private mail and documents, and sharing their personal and private information with others. (Because of this, they’d feel a sense of shame in multiple areas but won’t realize that these behaviors are its source.)

A narcissist likes knowing we are hurt when they use the “silent treatment” to actively ignore us. this is a form of power and control. Our pain demonstrates that they are so powerful that they can devastate us whenever they choose. Our pain is their narcissistic supply.

Remember, narcissists don’t view people as unique individuals with their own needs, feelings, goals, or lives. To narcissists, people are simply props who play a supporting role in their lives. A narcissist’s only concern is what they can get from others or what others can do for them. They have difficulty emotionally bonding with others because their relationships are all about power, control, and the benefits that they can obtain.

A narcissist cannot survive as a narcissist without obtaining narcissistic supply. It’s an emotional food source; any form of attention, affirmation, approval, or admiration will suffice. They feel a sense of power and importance from any emotional reaction. Any emotion—fear, sadness, anger, shame, whatever—will do, because it feeds the “false self,” everything the narcissist would like to be, but is not. Narcissistic supply makes the false self stronger.

Why do they need supply?

Securing narcissistic supply keeps a narcissist’s false self working in an automatic cycle: project the false self, receive the supply, empower and strengthen the false self, and repeat.

The cycle repeats itself because it provides feelings of power, control, and importance. Narcissists thrive on these, feeling formidable, even omnipotent, after obtaining supply. It leads to a “narcissistic high,” which potentially makes them more dangerous; you won’t be permitted to share your thoughts or feelings when your narcissist is on a high. They won’t take any challenge lightly and will go for the win at any cost to prove their supremacy. They’re not interested in what you have to say or how you feel. It’s all about them.

After going through this cycle with a narcissist a few times, we get it. We understand that they’re more powerful than we are—that it’s always about “winning,” and they’ll be delighted to win at our expense. In their mind, they’re always right, and there’s no use trying to have a conversation or share an opinion because they’ll become combative. Eventually, we’ll end up feeling defeated, unloved, and insignificant. We’ll learn to walk on eggshells and to appease, please, and pacify. We’ll anticipate their needs and moods and act accordingly. Do you remember what that’s called? Yep! Codependency. We become codependent.

A narcissist is often revealed during a time of crisis, conflict, or high stress. When they’re pressured, and it’s hard for them to control their emotions, their lack of empathy is exposed. When they feel threatened, they go for the “win”, even if it threatens important relationships. What’s said or done won’t matter. Winning matters. High-pressure situations show how shallow their emotional connections are. Our shame, humiliation, and embarrassment are their narcissistic supply.

How to deny the supply

A tool that I use when it comes to denying a narcissist their supply is to respond calmly or not at all. I do that along with using positive detachment.​

“Not responding”(aka “shutting up,” or “not taking the bait”) works because it removes the possibility of giving emotional feedback and responses. Emotionally responding is a form of “narcissistic supply.” Giving a narcissist any amount of emotional response validates and affirms their perspectives and behavior. They thrive on any and all interaction and attention, especially when you become emotionally unhinged during the interaction. Narcissistic supply makes a narcissist a stronger narcissist.

If my mother (or anyone) pushes my buttons in an attempt to trigger an emotional response from me, I do not take the bait, I do not pick up the proffered tug-of-war rope, and my mouth remains shut. I deny them their narcissistic supply. I do this consistently and repeatedly because it indicates that I’m OK with whatever they think or do and that I will not react. The reaction is what they’re looking for, hoping for, and waiting for. The reaction is their narcissistic supply.

Not engaging, not defending, and not arguing back, requires mindfulness and practice, and it’s worth the time and effort to learn how to do this. Knowing how to control your responses, also known as “regulating your emotions,” is also part of the process of learning how to “positively detach” and also to maintain your boundaries.

As you may know, having a conversation with a narcissist feels like a struggle, a game of emotional tug-of-war. When you drop your end of the rope, the game stops. It can’t continue unless you pick up your end and start pulling again. So, no more games! You don’t have to explain that you’re no longer playing or why. Your actions speak loud and clear: when you drop the rope, you’re demonstrating that they have no more control over you. Dropping the rope is an aspect of not responding, positive detachment, enforcing a boundary, and demonstrating self-empowerment and self-love. If you haven’t tried it, I can tell you from experience that it’s very empowering.

Detaching with love and not giving emotional supply to a narcissist means that I listen and don’t rush in to fix problems or rescue them from the consequences of their choices. If we disagree, I don’t argue or try to change their position; I state my opinion, and I accept that they are entitled to have their own opinion. We don’t have to agree. I don’t steal their personal power, and I leave them the dignity to deal with their own problems and consequences. If they instigate, I don’t pick up the tug-of-war rope; instead, I might end our conversation. All of these are forms of boundaries that I maintain. I emotionally disconnect when they’re baiting or instigating to try to get me to react.

Be a rock… a gray rock

“Gray Rock” is a term coined in 2012 by Skylar, a blogger who wrote the article “The Gray Rock Method of Dealing with Psychopaths” (2018).

 If you’ve never tried the “Gray Rock” method, you’re missing out on a really effective tool.

Gray Rock is a technique that causes emotionally unbalanced people to lose interest in you. The method completely removes any emotional charge or drama from your interaction with them. When you use Gray Rock, it removes all narcissistic supply.

To use the Gray Rock method:

• Appear calm, even if you’re not.
• Maintain eye contact. Do not look down or away.
• Use the following responses when applicable:
  • I’m sorry you feel that way.
  • I welcome your opinion, but I feel good about my choice.
  • I have no right to try to control how you see me.
  • I accept how you see me.
  • I accept how you feel.
  • You’re entitled to your reality.
  • Your anger is not my responsibility.
  • It’s possible. I guess it could be true.
  • I’d like to continue this discussion, but it seems that we don’t share the same perspective. Maybe when you’re calm, we can resume this conversation in a mutually respectful way. (This is an example of enforcing a boundary as well.)

In a nutshell

These three approaches focus on letting the narcissist run their own life and solve their own problems while you take care of yours, your life, and yourself. Learn to let go of the desire to control the narcissist and the outcomes of your interactions with them. Focus on the next best thing for you.

Start taking these steps today to deny your narcissist their emotional food. When they realize that you are no longer a satisfying source of supply, they’ll look for it elsewhere.

Try these tools as soon as possible:  

1. positive detachment
2. not responding, not engaging, not picking up your end of the tug-of-war rope
3. the Gray Rock technique

You’ll begin to experience a new type of freedom that’s hard to describe!

Could you be feeling the effects of Narcissism Awareness Grief? Download the free chapter to find out:

from Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism

More tools

Conscious awareness:  Be aware and make conscious choices before acting. Self-awareness releases us from making impulsive and potentially damaging decisions. Practice mindfulness.

Learn about setting boundaries 

Learn about dysfunctional family roles

Understand Trauma Bonds

Learn about codependency and maladaptive coping skills

Understand the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

Learn about expectations

More Resources You May Like:

Join the Free Email Survival Course:

Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

Private Facebook group included for members only.

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I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal, by Diane Metcalf

Experience the power of self-affirmation: using positive statements to improve well-being and performance. Learn research-based steps to write the most effective affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

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Author’s Site: Free Shipping

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About the Author

Drawing from her personal experiences of growing up in a dysfunctional household, Diane Metcalf has developed effective coping and healing strategies. With the assistance of professional therapists and mindful personal growth, she has honed her skills and now happily shares them with others who are interested in learning and growing.

As an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer, Diane is well-versed in topics such as narcissism, family dysfunction, abuse, and recognizing warning signs. Her extensive knowledge is drawn not only from her personal experiences, but also from her work in human service fields, including domestic violence, partner abuse, and court advocacy. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

Diane’s transformational books on healing and personal growth, such as the highly acclaimed “Lemon Moms” series, offer emotional support and guidance in understanding narcissistic traits and healing past wounds. Her approach emphasizes self-awareness, intention, self-care, and establishing healthy boundaries as essential components in the healing process.

Learn more about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

See what’s happening on DianeMetcalf.com

This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

Quick Links

Detaching with love?

“Detaching” sounds negative. How can detaching from someone be positive? If you’re confused, I can help. So, what is positive detachment? (Many 12-step programs call it “loving” detachment.) ​Well, there are several theories about the different kinds of detachment.

When we emotionally distance ourselves from a situation and its consequences, with the understanding that the other person is entitled to make their own choices and deal with the consequences of those choices, we’re positively detaching. In using positive detachment, we take the focus off the other person and put it back on ourselves. We can feel compassion for the other person, but the focus is on us, on our lives, our choices, our thoughts, and our behavior. And we feel at peace about whatever happens next.

What positive detachment is not

Positive detachment isn’t mean or selfish. It’s not an “either/or” experience; it’s not yes, we’re doing it today, and no, we’re not doing it tomorrow. It’s not something that we turn on and off. It isn’t aggressive; rather, it’s compassionate and kind.

Positive detachment is a way of respecting others’ boundaries and a type of healthy boundary for ourselves. It’s a constant. It’s a way of living and “being.”

Positive detachment means “caring enough about others to allow them to learn from their mistakes.” It also means being responsible for our own welfare and making decisions without ulterior motives or the desire to control others. When we stop trying to control a person or the outcomes connected with their behavior, we’re affirming that the person has the right to make their own choices and mistakes. We step back and allow them the dignity to learn unique life lessons and experience hard-earned personal growth. This frees us, and it frees them too.

First, let’s talk about some different ways of detaching and figure out which one(s) we might already be using.

Personally, I wasn’t able to detach positively until I learned about the role that setting healthy boundaries plays in codependent behavior. Even then, exercising positive detachment was anxiety-provoking. When I first learned how to detach positively, I was outside of my comfort zone. I was used to using apathetic detachment. I decided that I needed to get comfortable with loving, positive detachment, and I took any appropriate opportunity to detach this way. Eventually, I became comfortable using this form of detachment as a way of respecting others’ boundaries, as a boundary for myself, and as a form of self-care.

Types of detachment styles

The kinds of detachment I’ve outlined here are taken directly from conversations, reading, and research. This is not an exhaustive list.

1. Numbing detachment
2. Angry detachment
3. Apathetic detachment
4. Positive detachment

Numbing detachment-

When we numb ourselves to avoid feeling pain, we usually do it by using something to assist us in “shutting down” emotionally. “Numbing” includes “escapism” and using avoidance behaviors. Numbing ourselves involves distractions; using activities like cleaning, reading, social media, binge-watching TV, or immersing ourselves in church, school, eating, drinking, shopping, community activities, or anything else that suffices.

None of these activities are wrong or hurtful, yet they can be used maladaptively. When we use numbing behaviors, we’re not intentionally trying to be mean or hurtful, but it can happen. Numbing is all about protecting ourselves, but if we’re not careful, it could hurt others.

Pretty much any activity can be used to distract, escape, avoid, and numb. When we want to immerse ourselves in an activity, let’s remember to take a look at our motives to see if we’re actually avoiding or numbing. Is the activity a way for us to evade a person, a painful circumstance, or a memory?

Angry detachment-

First, it’s important to understand that anger is a secondary emotion. There’s always a primary emotion felt before the anger is felt, and that first emotion triggers the anger. This first emotion we feel is so fleeting that we don’t even notice it. For example, if I suddenly become angry at someone because I feel they’ve disrespected me, more than likely, my anger was triggered by a primary feeling of unimportance. The feeling of unimportance is the emotional “trigger.”

So angry detachment is a reaction to a trigger. When we detach in anger, we often feel like saying something nasty or hurtful, or we feel like doing something destructive or vengeful. Sometimes we actually take those actions rather than just letting ourselves feel them.

Angry detaching is an attempt to control. It feels like it’s the “last straw” when we realize that our former attempts at controlling or manipulating aren’t working. It has a punishing vibe to it. “We’ll show THEM!” Outwardly we give the appearance of being emotionally detached because we make ourselves unavailable; we physically or emotionally “walk away,” and we don’t take their calls or respond to texts. We may even actively ignore the person when they’re around.

But inwardly, we continue worrying, thinking, and obsessing about them or their behavior. We know what’s going on in their lives because we talk to others who know them or see them on social media. We haven’t really detached. Instead, we’re punishing and manipulating them with our anger and silence, but because we’re not interacting with them, it feels like detachment.

So angry detachment is actually a reaction.

Apathetic detachment-

Apathy (or indifference) involves suppressing all feelings of interest or concern, and it takes the idea of detachment to the extreme. When we’ve detached in apathy, we no longer acknowledge the person. It’s as if they don’t exist! We couldn’t care less about them, and we don’t want to hear about or have anything to do with them.

A therapist friend once asked me, “what is the opposite of love?” and I responded, “hate.” He replied, “most people would agree with you, but no. The opposite of love is indifference.”

Using apathy or indifference as a way of detaching is maladaptive. It can cause irreparable damage to a relationship. Research shows that the degree to which indifference exists in a marriage can accurately predict the probability of divorce!

Positive detachment-

Positive detachment is judgment-free, and it allows us to intellectually, emotionally, and compassionately separate the person from their behavior. It means that we understand that the person and the behavior are two separate things. We can choose to love the person (and even feel compassion for them!) while simultaneously despising their behavior. We emotionally or physically distance ourselves from their behavior, not to punish or control them, but as a demonstration of love for them and self-care for ourselves.

As with boundary-setting, there is no need to discuss your intent to detach or to get permission.

Positively detaching means choosing to distance yourself emotionally from a situation and its consequences. We take the focus off of the other person and put it squarely on ourselves. We understand that the other person is entitled to make their own choices, including the choice to hurt us. They’re also entitled to deal with the results of those choices. So while we feel compassion for them, we focus on ourselves, and we feel at peace about whatever happens next.

Why Me?

But why do I need to be the one to detach? Why can’t THEY just change or shape up or get their act together? Well, that would be great, wouldn’t it? If they would just change their behavior and do what we want or expect, our lives would be so much better, right?

But we already know that’s not the way it works. We can’t control other people. The way their behavior affects us isn’t about THEM. It’s about US. Take a pause and think about that for a minute. Let that sink in. This is about us and about controlling our choices.

When I feel the need to detach, I first accept and validate my thoughts and feelings. Next, I commit to maintaining my focus and productivity by not concentrating on others. Doing these puts me in the right frame of mind to detach with love. There’s no anger, no fear, no need to go numb or to be indifferent. It’s like what my teacher-friends say to their students: “Keep your eyes on your own paper.” I commit to keeping my eyes on my own needs, life, and work.

When we view positive detachment from this perspective, we can clearly see that it’s not “running away.” Positive detachment is “running toward” ourselves. This healthy form of detachment reminds us that we’re a separate person in our own right, with our own likes, needs, and goals and that we have choices and consequences of our own. It helps us remember that we’re not responsible for fixing another person’s feelings or problems.

In each of the above detachment scenarios, the end result is always the same for us: in each, we emotionally or physically “walk away” and take ourselves out of the situation. The difference between each of these scenarios is how we feel after we walk. Of the four, positive detachment is the only one that leaves us feeling at peace no matter what the other person is feeling or doing, no matter what happens next.

Detaching in this way allows us to drop our need to control the outcome. Shifting the focus to our own lives allows us to focus on our own needs, wants, and goals and allows the other person to focus on theirs. (See codependency)

When we positively detach, we stop focusing on the other, and we don’t take responsibility for their actions, or the consequences of those actions, any longer. Detaching this way allows us to drop our need to control the outcome. Shifting our attention to our own lives allows us to focus on our needs, wants, feelings, and goals while providing that same opportunity to them. We begin to heal.

I HOPE YOU DO THE WORK.

Tools

Learn how to set boundaries

Take “a pause” and think. In other words, don’t respond immediately. This is a very powerful tool!

Respond rather than react. (Homework: look up the difference and try responding instead of reacting the next time you have the opportunity. See how it feels)

Look at the bigger picture. How important is this thing really? A shift in perspective can determine what’s most valuable so we won’t get upset over things that aren’t as important.

Identify your codependent thoughts and behaviors

Drop your end of the tug-of-war rope. Stop playing the game.​ There’s no tug-of-war if there isn’t someone pulling on the other end.

Use your voice. Choose your words wisely, be mindful of timing, then say what you mean and mean what you say.

Know when something is your responsibility & when it’s not. Say it nicely, say it with firmness. “No, that’s actually something you should be doing for yourself”

Remind yourself that you’re worthy of setting that boundary and that you’re worthy of being fair to yourself.

Remember- I’m in control of me: we can choose to focus on and be responsible for ourselves, our thoughts, actions, and behavior. We can change ourselves with patience, persistence, and practice. We can take responsibility for getting our needs met instead of waiting for someone to change or meet our needs for us. We are in control of ourselves, and no one is responsible for us but us.

More Resources You May Like:

Join the Free Email Survival Course:

Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

Private Facebook group included for members only.

Get the TOOLBOX APP

for instant information, support, and validation!

I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal, by Diane Metcalf

Experience the power of self-affirmation: using positive statements to improve well-being and performance. Learn research-based steps to write the most effective affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

Get it Here:

Author’s Site: Free Shipping

Barnes and Noble

Amazon

Browse the Positivity Shop

Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

About the Author

Drawing from her personal experiences of growing up in a dysfunctional household, Diane Metcalf has developed effective coping and healing strategies. With the assistance of professional therapists and mindful personal growth, she has honed her skills and now happily shares them with others who are interested in learning and growing.

As an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer, Diane is well-versed in topics such as narcissism, family dysfunction, abuse, and recognizing warning signs. Her extensive knowledge is drawn not only from her personal experiences, but also from her work in human service fields, including domestic violence, partner abuse, and court advocacy. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

Diane’s transformational books on healing and personal growth, such as the highly acclaimed “Lemon Moms” series, offer emotional support and guidance in understanding narcissistic traits and healing past wounds. Her approach emphasizes self-awareness, intention, self-care, and establishing healthy boundaries as essential components in the healing process.

Learn more about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

See what’s happening on DianeMetcalf.com

This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

Quick Links

Are you codependent?

Codependent behavior often leaves us feeling resentful. If you’re feeling resentful about something you did or are doing for someone, it might be because you’re using codependent behavior (also known as “enabling.”)

Adult codependents were brought up to emotionally care-take others. As kids, we were caretakers for our siblings and sometimes even for our parents. Often, we were required to “grow up” quickly and take responsibilities that were not age-appropriate. If it felt unsafe, we learned to tiptoe around and not upset anyone. We learned how to become invisible and stay “under the radar.” We monitored other people’s behavior and moods, and we became proactive in meeting other people’s needs so WE could feel a sense of stability and safety.

Now, as adults, we’re “people-pleasers” who spend our time finding resolutions for other people’s problems. And because we’re proactive, we spend time focusing on and observing others to see what we can do for them.

We become attracted to the idea of “potential.” And guess what? We become attracted to others because of their potential. We will find emotional, physical, and even financial resources to give to those who have untapped potential! And we’re willing to give our all. These lucky souls become our personal DIY projects; we gladly do anything to help them overcome their problems and obstacles.  We go into debt, lose sleep, put ourselves in danger, give up our own goals, give up friends or family, whatever it takes. We feel needed, and we NEED to be needed! And we need to be liked.

Managing and “fixing” other people is just one aspect of codependency.

It feels good to care-take, but as I’ve mentioned, we’re often left feeling taken advantage of or resentful. Why is that? It’s because no one has asked us to fix their problems or their life or to shield them from the consequences of their actions. Deep down, we know this. In our hearts, we know that what we’re doing is unhealthy and that our focus needs to be on our own lives, but we aren’t comfortable doing that. Or we just don’t know how.  

Other kinds of codependent behavior

In his book, Co-Dependency, An Emerging Issue, Robert Subby defines codependency as “an emotional, psychological and behavioral condition that develops as a result of an individual’s prolonged exposure to… a set of oppressive rules…which prevent the open expression of feeling, and direct discussion of personal (and) interpersonal problems.” That sure is an accurate mouthful!

I learned that I was exercising codependent behavior at a time in my life when I was actively “fixing” aspects of peoples’ lives when they hadn’t asked me to. I was also putting everyone else first, taking care of everyone’s needs even when they hadn’t asked me or expected it. I didn’t put myself on my own “to-do” list. I felt exhausted, used, angry, and resentful. Continuing to live this way didn’t make sense.

I needed to break this cycle, yet I didn’t know how. Eventually, I learned to “let go” of my controlling behaviors and to allow people the opportunity to feel the consequences of their own actions. This was extremely uncomfortable for me at first, and I often felt guilty for not “doing my job” of jumping in and “helping.”

Then someone told me that I needed to consider that when I get between someone and their rightful consequences, I may be interfering with their karma or the life lessons intended for them. Wow! I thought about that. With a lot of self-reflection, self-control, and practice, I became much more comfortable backing off. It became second nature to allow others the dignity to address their own problems and the opportunity to feel the natural consequences of their choices. It got a LOT easier as time passed. Now I consciously live this way.

Codependency includes these behaviors

• Being preoccupied or concerned with the needs of others
• Placing a low priority on our own needs
• Being attracted to needy and emotionally unavailable people
• Believing that we have to be in a romantic relationship before we consider our lives worthwhile
• Trying to control another’s behavior
• Feeling incapable of ending a negative or toxic relationship
• Trying to please everyone even though we know we’ll feel resentful
• Not taking time for ourselves, ignoring our self-care
• Fearing for another’s safety but being willing to risk our own safety 
• Shielding someone from the consequences of their actions
• Taking responsibility for how another person feels
• Trying to fix another person’s problem when they haven’t asked you to
• Wanting to help or fix others because it makes US feel better
• Feeling like our lives are full of unwanted drama

What are your codependent behaviors?

• Have I/do I try to manage or control someone else’s life?
• Have I taken on responsibilities that aren’t mine?
• Have I been called a control freak?
• Do I “take care of” others by “cleaning up” their problems?
• Do I keep others from dealing with the consequences of their actions?
• Do I do things for others that they can and should do for themselves? 

Tools

• Remember: We don’t need to attend every argument to which we are invited. 
• Use your voice. Say what you mean and mean what you say. 
• Give others the dignity to make their own choices and mistakes and allow them the opportunity to learn from them. 
• Listen & empathize with someone’s problem or pain without trying to fix it.
• Trust that they’ll be OK without your help. 
• Set some healthy boundaries 
• Use positive detachment
• Do things that you enjoy and that make you feel cared for. Taking care of ourselves and enjoying life is not selfish. 
• Help others but wait to be asked. Waiting for the Ask is uncomfortable, but we can do hard things.

More Resources You May Like:

Join the Free Email Survival Course:

Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

Private Facebook group included for members only.

Get the TOOLBOX APP

for instant information, support, and validation!

I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal, by Diane Metcalf

Experience the power of self-affirmation: using positive statements to improve well-being and performance. Learn research-based steps to write the most effective affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

Get it Here:

Author’s Site: Free Shipping

Barnes and Noble

Amazon

Browse the Positivity Shop

Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

About the Author

Drawing from her personal experiences of growing up in a dysfunctional household, Diane Metcalf has developed effective coping and healing strategies. With the assistance of professional therapists and mindful personal growth, she has honed her skills and now happily shares them with others who are interested in learning and growing.

As an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer, Diane is well-versed in topics such as narcissism, family dysfunction, abuse, and recognizing warning signs. Her extensive knowledge is drawn not only from her personal experiences, but also from her work in human service fields, including domestic violence, partner abuse, and court advocacy. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

Diane’s transformational books on healing and personal growth, such as the highly acclaimed “Lemon Moms” series, offer emotional support and guidance in understanding narcissistic traits and healing past wounds. Her approach emphasizes self-awareness, intention, self-care, and establishing healthy boundaries as essential components in the healing process.

Learn more about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

See what’s happening on DianeMetcalf.com

This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.