The Toolbox
  • THE TOXIC UNDO
  • Books
  • FREE
  • Self-talk
  • Carbon Footprint Score
  • Earn Cash
THE TOXIC UNDO
Books
FREE
Self-talk
Carbon Footprint Score
Earn Cash
The Toolbox
  • THE TOXIC UNDO
  • Books
  • FREE
  • Self-talk
  • Carbon Footprint Score
  • Earn Cash
Browsing Category
Archive
Self Care•Trauma•Well-being

Reclaiming Our Power: Moving Beyond Victimhood After Relational Trauma

Healed relationship
March 8, 2023 by Diane M. Metcalf, MS No Comments

Many of us who’ve been affected by relational trauma have ugly scars on our hearts. We may see ourselves as victims, or feel helpless or stuck. But living in a state of victimhood is damaging; it keeps us focused on our limitations and leads us into giving up our personal power.

Here’s the thing: recovering from relational trauma is the opposite of victimhood; it involves reclaiming our power, setting healthy boundaries for ourselves, and making choices based on our needs, wants, and what is good for us.

Healing from relational trauma is a bittersweet journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and doing healing work in a judgment-free zone. Every person’s healing process is unique. It’s essential to do this work without applying restrictions, expectations, or a time frame. There will be unexpected insights and discoveries along the way requiring exploration and healing.

Quick Links:

  • THE BITTERSWEET JOURNEY OF HEALING FROM RELATIONAL TRAUMA: EMBRACING UNPREDICTABILITY AND SELF-COMPASSION
  • DISCLOSING PERSONAL ASPECTS OF RELATIONSHIPS: TO SHARE OR NOT TO SHARE?
  • WHAT HEALING IS, AND IS NOT
  • THINKING VS. FEELING
  • THE DEEP DIVE: REFRAMING PAINFUL EXPERIENCES IN THE RECOVERY PROCESS
  • TOOLS FOR MOVING FORWARD

THE BITTERSWEET JOURNEY OF HEALING FROM RELATIONAL TRAUMA: EMBRACING UNPREDICTABILITY AND SELF-COMPASSION

It’s critical to acknowledge that the healing process is unique for each of us, and cannot be predetermined or compared with others’ journeys. And creating an accepting, judgment-free zone for ourselves is crucial because healing requires effort, courage, and vulnerability. Our recovery is not simply the “after” that follows the “before,” it is much more than that. Recovery involves deep-diving into and reframing painful experiences to add depth and new significance to our personal stories. We wouldn’t be who we are without these experiences. Doing this work requires reflection, insight, emotion, time, and effort, so it’s beneficial to be kind to ourselves as we learn and grow.

DISCLOSING PERSONAL ASPECTS OF RELATIONSHIPS: TO SHARE OR NOT TO SHARE?

As we’re healing, it’s important to be careful when disclosing personal aspects of our relationships. Sharing our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and ideas with people who are currently in unhealthy relationships themselves or haven’t recovered from their own traumatic or hurtful relationships can either trigger us or lead them to respond inappropriately or hurtfully. As we recover, we will naturally become better at discerning whom we can trust with our openness. After healing, we understand that emotionally healthy people are the ones who can respectfully hear and accept us without their sense of self becoming threatened.

WHAT HEALING IS, AND IS NOT

Healing is not a process of erasing pain and memories. It requires effort, courage, and the ability to reframe painful experiences to create a new outlook and meaning for us. When we’ve healed, scars from our past may be a permanent reminder, but they do not continue to define us. They are now just a small, faded part of our unique history.

Recuperating from emotional abuse, neglect or mistreatment requires us to be willing to become new and better versions of ourselves. Being willing to forgive ourselves is a vital part of this process because we might have unknowingly, or knowingly, hurt others as a result of our unhealed or unacknowledged wounds. Throughout the healing process, we regain the ability to trust ourselves, make sound decisions, and trust others.

THINKING VS. FEELING

Thinking and feeling are distinct and separate approaches for relating to our environment, experiences, and memories.

Thinking about and remembering what happened to us doesn’t promote healing. That’s where many of us get stuck. Real healing requires more than educating ourselves or revisiting old memories. It takes more than adding new practices to our lives, like affirmations, meditation, or prayer. Those are all great for personal growth and for gaining insight, and I think it’s beneficial for us to do any or all of those things. But in my experience, they’re not enough to truly promote recovery.

Here’s my point: all of those are done on a conscious level.

THE DEEP DIVE: REFRAMING PAINFUL EXPERIENCES IN THE RECOVERY PROCESS

The process of healing emotional wounds cannot be achieved through cognitive processes like thought, reasoning, and logic alone. Healing emotional wounds requires feeling. It’s crucial to feel what we’re doing instead of trying to think our way into recovery. While it’s important to use our cognitive abilities to learn and understand, we must also do the “feeling” work because attempting to heal on a conscious level, using rationalization, can lead to the same pain, confusion, and frustration we experienced when it was happening. It’s like running on a treadmill and going nowhere.  Re-experiencing sorrow, confusion, and anger with a new perspective and understanding can promote healing because our emotional wounds reside in our subconscious. It makes sense to address the wounds where they live.

Im-Here-Instagram-Post-Square-1024x1024 Reclaiming Our Power: Moving Beyond Victimhood After Relational Trauma

Dodging the healing process can heighten emotional triggers, perpetuating a cycle of self-avoidance; hiding from and denying our pain any time the pain is felt. We might turn to substances or activities to avoid feeling our pain; alcohol, drugs, food, sex, shopping, or gambling. Almost anything can serve as a distraction. The result is that nothing gets healed, and our pain and emotional triggers continue to grow.

If the idea of re-experiencing any part of your past is frightening or concerning to you, then seeking professional help is recommended. Please seek help from a licensed abuse recovery expert. Finding a licensed abuse recovery expert who specializes in your specific trauma can provide validation, knowledge, and safety to aid you in your healing journey. It takes courage and wisdom to seek professional help, especially when you’ve experienced significant pain.

So now the question is, are you ready to take back your personal power and make a huge perspective shift to begin healing?

First, consider how healing may change your personality, goals, and relationships. Healing reframes painful experiences and provides an opportunity for personal growth. Healing restores our capacity to trust ourselves and others. How do these potential changes make you feel?

I think it’s important to also mention that healing means getting comfortable with others detaching from us. As we begin to understand that we can’t control how others perceive us, we organically let go of the idea that we need others’ validation in our healing journey. We accept that our healing process is a self-focused and insightful time that belongs only to us and becomes part of our life experience. The people you lose during the healing process were meant to be with unhealed you.

As you’re doing your healing work, it’s important to acknowledge every breakthrough and celebrate your progress toward living a healthier life with intact boundaries. The process of healing may be painful, but developing a healthy self-concept and outlook, along with new life skills, and enforceable boundaries are the ultimate goals. With time, healed individuals will easily recognize narcissists and toxic people and handle them accordingly.

It’s a journey of progress, not perfection.

You’ve got this.


Could you be feeling the effects of Narcissism Awareness Grief? Download the free chapter to find out:

EXPERIENCING NARCISSISM AWARENESS GRIEF

from Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism


TOOLS FOR MOVING FORWARD

Learn about people-pleasing and unhealthy survival skills learned in childhood

Learn to set boundaries

Learn about dysfunctional family roles

Understand Narcissism Awareness Grief

Understand the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

Take the Adverse Childhood Experiences Quiz

Visit the TOXIC UNDO for More Healing

Join the Free Email Survival Course:

Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

Private Facebook group included for members only.

Register Here!
Free 8-week email Survival Course

    I respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

    Join the Waitlist!

    When someone’s vibe feels “icky,” or they have “unusual” personality quirks, would you know if they are genuine warning signs or if you could be in danger?

    BEST-KINDLE-COVER-TO-USE-683x1024 Reclaiming Our Power: Moving Beyond Victimhood After Relational Trauma

    Coming Fall/Winter 2023

    Icks, Personality Quirks, or Warning Signs? How to Know the Difference, by Diane Metcalf

    Sign up for exclusive access to free chapters, progress, contests, and launch team, and be notified when it’s available!

    Join Waitlist
    Pre-order Here
    Join the Launch Team!

    Discover the Secrets of Identifying Danger

    Have you been caught off guard by toxic individuals?
    Want to enhance your ability to spot warning signs and protect yourself from emotional mistreatment and abuse? Look no further!

    This upcoming book delves deep into the complexities of human behavior, guiding you through the maze of narcissists, psychopaths, manipulators, liars, and self-absorbed individuals.
    Learn the crucial skills to differentiate between harmless eccentricities and genuine red flags.

    Feel empowered to rescue, protect and heal yourself from their mistreatment or abuse


    I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal, by Diane Metcalf

    Experience the power of self-affirmation: using positive statements to improve well-being and performance. Learn research-based steps to write the most effective affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

    Get it Here:

    Author’s Site: Free Shipping
    Barnes and Noble
    Amazon
    Browse the Positivity Shop
    2-1024x1024 Reclaiming Our Power: Moving Beyond Victimhood After Relational Trauma

    Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism, by Diane Metcalf

    For as long as I can remember, there was something “different” about my mother. She wasn’t like other mothers.

    My mom didn’t hug or kiss, smile at, spend time with, or play with me. She never seemed happy to see me. She didn’t ask about my school day and wasn’t interested in knowing my friends. She seemed to have no interest in me or anything that I did. My mom called me hurtful names and obscenities, and at times, she ignored me, not speaking to me for days, weeks, or even months. When she felt sad I was expected to emotionally care-take her. When she didn’t feel like parenting, I was responsible for my siblings. When she lost her temper she hit. When I was disobedient, there were bizarre punishments.

    I was not allowed to express feelings, ask questions, or show initiative or curiosity. My feelings were discounted, minimized, or invalidated. She re-wrote my memories, and I was expected to believe her version. I was to obey, stay quiet, and not question.

    If any of this sounds familiar, you are not alone. If there is manipulation, power struggles, or cruelty in your relationship, this book can help. If you second-guess your memory, doubt your judgment or sanity, or continually seek your mother’s withheld affection, attention, approval, or love, this book can explain why.

    Learn More

    or

    Get it Here:

    Author’s Site: Free Shipping
    Barnes and Noble
    Amazon
    BookBlasterMockups9 Reclaiming Our Power: Moving Beyond Victimhood After Relational Trauma


    Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

    Sign-up for twice monthly coping and healing strategies right to your inbox!
    ​
    Your Free Gift:
    An Inner Child Guided Healing Meditation MP3

      We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.


      About the Author

      Tilted-Diane-Headshot-2023-lighter Reclaiming Our Power: Moving Beyond Victimhood After Relational Trauma

      Drawing from her personal experiences of growing up in a dysfunctional household, Diane Metcalf has developed effective coping and healing strategies. With the assistance of professional therapists and mindful personal growth, she has honed her skills and now happily shares them with others who are interested in learning and growing.

      As an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer, Diane is well-versed in topics such as narcissism, family dysfunction, abuse, and recognizing warning signs. Her extensive knowledge is drawn not only from her personal experiences, but also from her work in human service fields, including domestic violence, partner abuse, and court advocacy. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

      Diane’s transformational books on healing and personal growth, such as the highly acclaimed “Lemon Moms” series, offer emotional support and guidance in understanding narcissistic traits and healing past wounds. Her approach emphasizes self-awareness, intention, self-care, and establishing healthy boundaries as essential components in the healing process.

      Learn more about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

      See what’s happening on DianeMetcalf.com

      This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

      Read more

      Please share!

      Reading time: 6 min
      girl and teddy bear
      Are you feeling mental, emotional, or physical distress from trying to please your mother and it's never good enough? You may be dealing with Narcissistic Victim Syndrome.

      FIND OUT HERE

      Download the Toolbox App!

      The Toolbox App
      google-play
      app-store

      Coming in Fall 2023

      Icks, Personality Quirks or Red Flag Warning Signs? How to Know the Difference.

      RED FLAGS by Diane Metcalf
      Pre-Order
      Waitlist

      When someone's vibe feels "icky," or they have "unusual" personality quirks,
      would you know if they are genuine warning signs or if you could be in danger?

      Discover the secrets of Identifying danger: join the book waitlist now!

      Have you been caught off guard by toxic individuals? Want to enhance your ability to spot warning signs and protect yourself from emotional mistreatment and abuse? Look no further!

      This upcoming book delves deep into the complexities of human behavior, guiding you through the maze of narcissists, psychopaths, manipulators, liars, and self-absorbed individuals. Learn the crucial skills to differentiate between harmless eccentricities and genuine red flags.

      Feel empowered to rescue, protect and heal yourself from their mistreatment or abuse.

      Sign up for exclusive access to free chapters, progress, contests, launch team, and be notified when it's available!

      My Amazon Author Page

      Amazon Author Page

      Recent Posts

      • Understanding the Distinction: Icks, Quirks, and Red Flags
      • Identifying Toxic Individuals: A Crucial Skill
      • Understanding Narcissism Awareness Grief: A Path to Healing and Moving Forward
      • The Grey Rock Method: A Powerful Technique for Dealing with Emotional Abuse
      • Surviving Mother’s Day: Tips for Adult Children of Narcissistic Mothers

      Older Posts

      • September 2023
      • August 2023
      • July 2023
      • June 2023
      • May 2023
      • April 2023
      • March 2023
      • February 2023
      • January 2023
      • December 2022
      • November 2022
      • October 2022
      • September 2022
      • August 2022
      • July 2022
      • June 2022
      • May 2022
      • April 2022
      • March 2022
      • February 2022
      • January 2022
      • December 2021
      • November 2021
      • October 2021
      • September 2021
      • August 2021
      • July 2021
      • June 2021
      • May 2021
      • April 2021
      • March 2021
      • February 2021
      • January 2021
      • December 2020
      • November 2020
      • October 2020
      • September 2020
      • August 2020
      • July 2020
      • June 2020
      • May 2020
      • April 2020
      • March 2020
      • February 2020
      • January 2020
      • December 2019
      • November 2019
      • October 2019
      • September 2019
      • August 2019
      • July 2019
      • June 2019
      • May 2019
      • April 2019
      • March 2019
      • February 2019
      • January 2019

      Categories

      • Anger
      • Books
      • Boundaries
      • C-PTSD
      • Codependency
      • Cognitive Dissonance
      • Detaching
      • Gaslighting
      • Healing Affirmations
      • Isolation
      • Narcissism
      • Red Flags
      • Resources
      • Scapegoating
      • Self Care
      • Self-talk
      • Shame
      • Trauma
      • Well-being

      © 2023 DianeMetcalf.com | All Rights Reserved 
       

       

      We use cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Cookie settingsI'd love some cookies!
      Privacy & Cookies Policy

      Privacy Overview

      This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are as essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
      Necessary
      Always Enabled
      Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
      SAVE & ACCEPT