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We Change with Patience, Persistence, and Practice

soothing, healing candles
March 24, 2022 by Diane M. Metcalf, MS No Comments

Introducing the Start of a New Era in Moving Forward!

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It’s impossible to live your best life if you struggle with low self-esteem or self-confidence. So create a life filled with joy and purpose by learning to develop a positive inner dialogue to benefit your body, mind, and spirit!

When you change your self-talk, you literally change your mindset and perspective! When you go from unsupportive inner dialogue to affirming who you are as your best self, you literally change your self-identity.

  • What happens when you say positive affirmations
  • The Four Fundamentals
  • Write inside the book • Inspiring prompts and activities •  Expressive Journaling
  • About the Lemon Moms 3-Book Series

What happens when you say positive affirmations

By using positive affirmations you:

-reinforce a new self-narrative
-see yourself differently
-adopt a broader definition of your “identity”
-adopt a broader definition of your roles
-define ideas like “success” differently

As you use this beautiful workbook journal, you’ll learn how to replace the negative thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that keep you stuck and hold you back. You’ll recognize your unsupportive inner dialogue and replace it with validating, affirming self-talk to change yourself and your life.

You’ll learn how to determine your current vibrational state and, using a step-by-step approach, how to raise your vibration with positive affirmations. First, you’ll discover the six essential traits of the most potent affirmations and then how to re-work them to be the highest vibrating they can be.

The Four Fundamentals

You’ll acquire four fundamentals to incorporate into your daily affirmational practice, which makes it a highly personal and powerful package for manifesting the life you want. Then, as you begin writing and speaking your most individualized, powerful, and highest vibrating affirmations, you’ll start to uncover your true, authentic self and your highest potential.


Write inside the book • Inspiring prompts and activities •  Expressive Journaling  

•Write in the book– This workbook journal is packed with 99 exquisite pages; a lovely place to dream, plan and explore your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. Use the dedicated areas to answer questions and write and re-work your affirmations. And there are pages devoted to keeping track of new insights and creating gratitude lists. Transfer your polished affirmations to the special area in the back if you desire to cut them out for use in your daily practice.
•Interactive Activities

  • Explore characteristics that you want to change about yourself and your life.
  • Explore your intentions and determine what you will accomplish by changing.
  • Use the guided step-by-step instructions to make your very first affirmation resonate highly by the time you’re finished.
  • Investigate new thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that you want to create.
  • Explore the unique character traits of your authentic self and discover how to receive them.
  • Understand where gratitude fits into your practice, and create a dynamic gratitude list.

• Inspiring Prompts– Unpack your new insights, thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, then connect them to your unique, personal affirmations.
• Expressive Journaling– Deepen your understanding of self-love and self-compassion to use them in the real world. With self-compassion and positive self-talk come the self-acceptance and confidence to move forward into your best life.

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About the Lemon Moms 3-Book Series

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Are you confused or hurt by your mother?

Is your relationship less than satisfying or even hurtful? Are you afraid of or intimidated by her? If so, you can learn to reduce the emotional pain and take back your personal power. Let author Diane Metcalf show you how.

Me too

I call these kinds of mothers “lemon moms.” They parent mainly by manipulating, guilting, shaming, blaming, humiliating, and/or belittling. They lack the ability to properly bond with and emotionally nurture their children. The children grow up feeling “not good enough,” unloved, misunderstood, unimportant, and like they don’t matter.

For as long as I can remember, there was something “different” about my mother. She wasn’t like other mothers.

By the time I was in middle school, I’d met a lot of moms, and I’d witnessed their interactions with their kids. My mom didn’t act like them; she didn’t relate to me the way they did with their kids. She seemed to have no interest in me or anything that I did.

No boundaries, name-calling, invalidation, neglect

I stayed up as late as I wanted. I was not allowed to express feelings openly, ask questions, or show initiative or curiosity. My feelings were discounted, minimized, or invalidated. Asking questions or taking action meant that I was challenging my mother, and that was not tolerated. She re-wrote my memories, and I was expected to believe her version. I was to obey, stay quiet and not question.

My mom called me hurtful names and obscenities, and at times she ignored me, not speaking to me for days, weeks, or even months at a time.

In dysfunctional families, there’s an unspoken rule: don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t feel. As an adult, I was done living by those rules. I started an ongoing journey to find peace.

If any part of this sounds familiar, you are not alone. If there’s a pattern of manipulation, power struggles, or cruelty in your relationship, this book can help. If you find yourself second-guessing your memory, doubting your judgment or sanity, or you’re continually seeking your mother’s withheld affection, attention, or approval, this book can explain why. Your mother doesn’t need a formal “diagnosis” for you to determine that your relationship is unhealthy. If it is, you can do something about it.

Until now, you had two choices: live on her terms (focusing on her, chasing after her withheld love and acceptance) or go “no contact.” I suggest that you have a third option: allow me to walk with you through the chaos and confusion that is maternal narcissism. I’ll show you how to decode the crazy-making behavior, heal the damage and take back your personal power.

The “Lemon Moms Companion Workbook” is your safe space for healing.

Your mother doesn’t need a diagnosis to determine that your relationship with her is unhealthy. If you like detailed writing, personal examples, and a touch of humor, you’ll love the author’s authenticity and conversational style.

Combined with the book “Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism,” you’ll walk through the chaos and confusion of maternal narcissism: what it is, what it does, and how to recover from its devastating effects. Thought-provoking questions and action-oriented steps help you gain insight and perspective for beginning, or continuing in, your healing journey. Heal the damage and move forward to live your best life!

You’ll learn how to:

  • remove the drama from interactions with your mother
  • set personal boundaries
  • identify and shut down manipulative attempts
  • identify gaslighting and heal cognitive dissonance
  • identify dissociation
  • take control of your personal power
  • move forward in life and much more!;

Down-to-earth author… conversational tone… humor…compassion…current and detailed information.

“AFFIRMATIONAL THERAPY MAY BE THE ONE EFFECTIVE HEALING TECHNIQUE YOU HAVEN’T TRIED YET!”

If you live with a narcissist, dysfunctional or toxic person, or have one in your life… you already know how much it negatively affects what you think, how you feel, and how you treat yourself. You can change that!

It’s time to take your healing a step further! Start healing the damage by changing how you see yourself. When you change your self-talk, you literally change your mindset and perspective! Start seeing how good life can look. Start living your best life!

You can’t change others, but you can absolutely change yourself! When you go from unsupportive inner dialogue to affirming who you are as your authentic self, every day, you literally change your self-identity.

By using healing affirmations, you will begin to:

  • reinforce a new self-narrative
  • see yourself differently
  • adopt a broader definition of your “identity”
  • adopt a broader definition of your roles
  • define things like “success” differently


This book shows you the research:

  • explains how and why affirmations work
  • teaches you, step-by-step, using a simple formula, how to write effective, action-oriented healing affirmations of your own.


You’ll also learn how to:

  • apply the four daily fundamentals
  • make your healing affirmations resonate highly
  • use particular steps to make them the most powerful
  • make them the most effective


Over 200 pre-written healing affirmations! Use them as-is, or personalize them using the steps and dedicated space provided in each chapter to make them your own.

Aligns with topics discussed in book #1, “Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism”-

  • gaslighting and confusion
  • betrayal wounds
  • blame
  • rejection
  • shame
  • scapegoating
  • grief
  • emotional abandonment
  • anxiety
  • anger
  • triggering
  • C-PTSD
  • and cognitive dissonance.


Examines emotional regulation, self-validation, boundaries, self-trust, safety, security, and discovering your authentic self.

More Resources You May Like:

Join the Free Email Survival Course:

Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

Private Facebook group included for members only.

Register Here!
Free 8-week email Survival Course

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    I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal, by Diane Metcalf

    A step-by-step method to learn how to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

    Quick US links:

    Author’s Site: Free Shipping
    Barnes and Noble
    Amazon
    Positivity Shop

    Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

    Sign-up for twice monthly coping and healing strategies right to your inbox!
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    ​
    Your Free Gift:
    An Inner Child Guided Healing Meditation MP3

      We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

      3D-3-book-series We Change with Patience, Persistence, and Practice
      Visit the Author’s Site

      About the Author

      Facetune_06-05-2021-18-24-57-239x300 We Change with Patience, Persistence, and Practice

      As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping and healing strategies. She happily shares those with those who want to learn and grow in their own recovery journies. 

      Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on narcissism, family dysfunction, and abuse. She draws from her personal childhood experiences, as well as her work in human service fields like domestic violence and partner abuse. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

      Her transformational books about healing and moving forward include the highly praised “Lemon Moms” series. This emotionally supportive collection explains narcissistic traits and teaches how to reconcile past hurts to begin self-nurturing, healing, and moving forward.

      See what’s new on DianeMetcalf.com

      Learn about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

      This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

      Read more

      Please share!

      Reading time: 7 min
      Healing Affirmations•Self Care•Self-talk

      Ditch the Unsupportive Inner Dialogue

      self love
      March 6, 2022 by Diane M. Metcalf, MS No Comments

      It’s not surprising to know that our inner dialogue is connected to how we feel and think about ourselves. If you beat yourself up for perceived failures or shortcomings, how does that help you? Does it motivate you to change? Does it keep you feeling bad and keep you stuck? How is that different from how a toxic or abusive person treats you?

      Recovering from any kind of trauma, abuse or mistreatment requires more than reading, educating ourselves, and revisiting old memories. It requires getting in touch with our feelings, prioritizing self-care, dumping limiting beliefs, and learning to set and enforce boundaries. It means learning new ways of communicating, increasing self-esteem and self-confidence, and detaching from people who aren’t good for us.

      Quick document links

      • Negative and Unsupportive
      • Two Powerful Words
      • The Work
      • Positive Affirmations vs. Codependency
      • Healing Affirmations
      • Tools for Healing

      It means doing the work, and I believe that going from an unsupportive inner dialogue to an uplifting and proactive one brings about positive change.

      Until I began my own healing journey in earnest, I continued attracting toxic people and exercising my people-pleasing, codependent coping skills. I fixed and helped others without their invitation to do so. I felt resentful when they ignored my advice or were unappreciative of my help. Makes no sense, right?

      In regard to healing specifically from narcissistic abuse, narcissism specialists say that we have two choices when dealing with those on the narcissistic spectrum: 1. live on their terms or 2. go “no contact.” For me, going no contact felt like a form of avoidance, and it wasn’t in line with the goals I had for myself. I wanted to learn how to heal and get my power back, not avoid. Going “no contact” wasn’t the right choice for me. So, I created a third option: I walked through the chaos and confusion of my mother’s narcissistic behavior, armed with new coping skills and strategies while protecting myself with boundaries. Retooling my self-talk in the form of positive affirmations was part of that package too, and I’ve included some of my favorite affirmations at the bottom of this article. I hope you check them out!


      Negative and Unsupportive

      In talking about affirmations, you might be more familiar with the negative types; those hurtful, unkind, and destructive things we tell ourselves. They are unsupportive inner dialogues that run in the background of our thoughts. We hear them as that little voice that whispers, “you’re too fat to be wearing that,” or “none of these people care about what you think,” or “you’re not smart enough to do that.” Those negative affirmations can do a lot of harm to our self-confidence and self-esteem. It’s time to replace them. Let’s kick the negativity out altogether. When we’re on a path of self-discovery, recovery, and moving forward, negative self-talk has no place in our lives.

      If we grew up surrounded by dysfunction, especially in a narcissistic home, we got the message that we couldn’t do anything right, weren’t good enough, or didn’t matter. If we had a narcissistic mother, her words and behavior cut us deeply, like emotional knives. And long after we left home, that cruel, critical, internalized voice stayed with us.

      We may try convincing ourselves that we’re over-reacting, that no harm was done, or that those painful memories we keep experiencing never really happened (self-gaslighting.) However, denying the reality of a painful childhood and allowing emotional wounds to remain unhealed leaves us unprepared for life’s challenges as adults. Our unhealed triggers and wounded inner child can keep us stuck perceiving, feeling, and responding like frightened children.

      I-AM-1-150x150 Ditch the Unsupportive Inner Dialogue


      Two Powerful Words

      Positive, healing affirmations remind us of who we are when we are living as our authentic selves. Affirmations remind us of who we are when we are living as our true selves. By following our intuition, and writing and speaking positive affirmations, we begin to honor and eventually become our authentic selves and create our best lives possible. We become our best ”I Am.”

      Affirmations are designed to promote an optimistic mindset; they have been shown to reduce the tendency to dwell on negative experiences (Wiesenfeld et al., 2001.) Optimism is powerful! When we replace negative thoughts with positive ones, we create a whole new mindset and perspective about “who we are” and what we can accomplish.

      I-am-300x300 Ditch the Unsupportive Inner Dialogue

      The Work

      Using strong positive affirmations helps with boundary setting, feeling safe, improving self-trust and self-esteem, increasing self-confidence and personal empowerment, and healing C-PTSD symptoms.


      Positive Affirmations vs. Codependency

      Positive affirmations are the opposite of codependency. By speaking positive affirmations, we are reminded that we are powerful, that we matter, that we are worthy and that we already have the answers we seek. When we stand in this truth, our truth, we feel this. We know this.

      If we don’t frequently remind ourselves of who we are as our best selves we can easily slip into living on others’ terms and lose our identities. We can quickly become other-focused and work to become what someone else wants us to be. This loss of self is at the core of codependency, (aka enabling and people-pleasing.)

      I’ve heard it said that “damnation is the discontinuation of growth and development.” We may not know where we’re going, but let’s not go back to where we’ve been. Instead, keep growing, keep learning, keep moving forward, and continue healing. Learn to trust the ebb and flow of life and, most importantly, in yourself.

      Here are some healing affirmations from my book, Lemon Moms Life-altering Affirmations: Change Your Self-talk, Change YourSELF. They were specifically written for those who are in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic traits, but they can be useful to anyone who needs them. Many of them help diminish codependent thinking and behaving.

      These affirmations will help if you’re: healing from narcissistic or abusive interactions, progressing through Narcissism Awareness Grief, experiencing Narcissism Victim Syndrome, at any phase in the cycle of abuse, or living with someone who has distorted thinking or mental illness. Some affirmations are repeated in more than one category because they apply to more than one.

      I sincerely wish you healing and peace.

      If you’re interested in Lemon Moms Life-Altering Affirmations: Change Your Self-talk, Change YourSELF– it’s sold worldwide, including Amazon Kindle, Amazon Paperback, B&N Nook, B&N Paperback, Google Play, Apple Books

      Healing Affirmations

      For Calming Fight or Flight (Affirmations to help deal with hypervigilance)

      • I have confidence in myself.
      • The past is over. I happily focus on the present moment, feeling empowered.
      • I acknowledge and protect my personal power.
      • I am safe.
      • I hear, affirm, comfort, and validate my inner child.
      • I trust my mind.
      • I trust my decisions.
      • My self-talk is strictly positive.
      • I trust my senses of sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch.
      • I am whole.
      • I can, and I will.
      • I heal more every day.
      • I am in control of what I think and how I feel.
      • I am a survivor and healed warrior. 
      • Today I give myself the freedom to make an error and know that it does not affect my worth as a human being.
      • I release old habits and practice new ones.
      • I let go of controlling or manipulating others.
      • I know and trust my own mind.

      For Working Through Narcissism Awareness Grief (Affirmations to help deal with feelings of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, rewriting, acceptance)

      • I always mattered, but my mother couldn’t see it or acknowledge it.
      • I am in charge. Today’s thoughts create my future.
      • I hear, affirm, comfort, and validate my inner child.
      • This is stressful, so I take extra good care of myself today.
      • I stay in the present and focus on one day at a time.
      • I let myself rest without judgment.
      • I am kind and gentle with myself.
      • Today I honor and cherish my inner child, who was blameless then and now.
      • Now is the time to step into my power.
      • I am loved, loving and lovable.
      • I can do hard things.
      • When I have a problem, I focus on solutions.
      • I am naturally relaxed and confident.
      • I am safe and secure.
      • I am emotionally and physically strong.
      • I allow peace into my life.
      • I effectively communicate my needs and desires.
      • I accept that others love the best they can and may be limited in their ability to express love.
      • I am centered and focused.
      • I am unaffected by the desires of others

      To Feel Accepted (Affirmations to help deal with being scapegoated and rejected)

      • I use my voice, and I am heard.
      • Only I can determine my self-worth.
      • I let go of the need for others to validate me.
      • I value myself.
      • I am human. It’s OK to be imperfect.
      • I focus on what I can control, and I release the rest.
      • I make healthy choices for myself.
      • I ask for help when I am struggling.
      • I allow others to live their lives and release the need to worry or control.
      • I am stronger than I thought.
      • I lean on others for support, and I am lovingly supported.
      • I find something for which to be grateful every day.
      • I am loving, intelligent, and creative, and I make positive changes in my life.
      • I am a survivor and healed warrior. 
      • I deserve good things in life.
      • My relationships are respectful and peaceful.
      • I release old habits and practice new ones.
      • I am connected with my authentic self.
      • I express myself confidently.
      • I hear my intuition and inner wisdom, and I listen.
      • I am well and worthy. 
      • I know and trust my own mind.
      • My boundaries are a form of self-love.
      • Only I can determine my self-worth.

      To Heal Betrayal Wounds (Affirmations to help deal with narcissistic dishonesty and lies)

      • I use my voice, and I am heard.
      • I let go of the need for others to validate me.
      • Only I can determine my self-worth.
      • I listen when my heart talks to me.
      • I reaffirm for myself that I am on the right path.
      • I happily focus on the present moment, feeling empowered.
      • I focus on what I can control, and I release the rest.
      • I lean on others for support, and I am lovingly supported.
      • I value myself.
      • I rely on my higher power for strength and guidance.
      • I easily dial up my confidence anytime I want.
      • I acknowledge the things that I like about myself and add to that list regularly.
      • I am resilient.
      • I am unaffected by others’ negativity.
      • I see the good things in myself.
      • When I feel overwhelmed, I choose healthy ways to cope.
      • I am intelligent and use my mind to make my life better.
      • I am a caring person, and people care about me.
      • I have strong intuition, and I trust it even if I don’t like what it tells me.
      • When I see red flags occurring in people or relationships, I pay attention to them and respond accordingly.
      • I ask for clarification when I am confused.

      To Heal Shame (Affirmations to help deal with feeling ashamed)

      • I am worthy of love, happiness, and fulfillment.
      • Only I can determine my self-worth.
      • I have everything I need to be successful.
      • I am strong and resilient.
      • I am complete and whole.
      • I embrace change. I am the author of my story.
      • I embrace my new life even when it makes others uncomfortable.
      • I hear, affirm, comfort, and validate my inner child.
      • I allow without judgment.
      • I focus on what I can control, and I release the rest.
      • Everything is working for my highest good.
      • I belong. I know that I am safe.
      • I have everything I need. I am safe. I am loved.
      • I feel safe wherever I am.
      • I give my time and energy to those who deserve it.

      Tools for Healing

      Learn why what you tell yourself matters

      Learn how to protect yourself with boundaries 

      Learn about the narcissistic abuse cycle

      Learn about dysfunctional family roles

      More Resources You May Like:

      Join the Free Email Survival Course:

      Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

      Private Facebook group included for members only.

      Register Here!
      Free 8-week email Survival Course

        I respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

        Get the TOOLBOX APP

        for instant information, support, and validation!

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        I AM: A Guided Journey to Your Authentic Self, Workbook and Journal, by Diane Metcalf

        A step-by-step method to learn how to write the highest vibrating, most powerful affirmations to manifest love, positivity, peace, self-confidence, motivation, success, and other wonderful things.

        Quick US links:

        Author’s Site: Free Shipping
        Barnes and Noble
        Amazon
        Positivity Shop

        Get the TOOLBOX posts twice monthly in your inbox!

        Sign-up for twice monthly coping and healing strategies right to your inbox!
        ​
        ​
        Your Free Gift:
        An Inner Child Guided Healing Meditation MP3

          We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

          3D-3-book-series Ditch the Unsupportive Inner Dialogue
          Visit the Author’s Site

          About the Author

          Facetune_06-05-2021-18-24-57-239x300 Ditch the Unsupportive Inner Dialogue

          As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping and healing strategies. She happily shares those with those who want to learn and grow in their own recovery journies. 

          Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on narcissism, family dysfunction, and abuse. She draws from her personal childhood experiences, as well as her work in human service fields like domestic violence and partner abuse. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

          Her transformational books about healing and moving forward include the highly praised “Lemon Moms” series. This emotionally supportive collection explains narcissistic traits and teaches how to reconcile past hurts to begin self-nurturing, healing, and moving forward.

          See what’s new on DianeMetcalf.com

          Learn about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

          This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

          Read more

          Please share!

          Reading time: 9 min
          Narcissism•Self Care•Well-being

          Welcome

          flower looking at sky
          March 1, 2022 by Diane M. Metcalf, MS No Comments

          Welcome to The Toolbox! This is a safe space.

          The TOOLBOX is a place to nurture and redefine yourself after being involved (or while currently involved ) in a non-nurturing or unsupportive relationship.

          This site is about recognizing how someone’s neglect, emotional absence, mental illness, or distorted thinking affects you and applying new insights to improve your life.

          This is a safe space to learn skills and strategies to change yourself, and your relationships, challenge your thinking, and take back your personal power. It’s a place to begin healing and moving forward from the effects of emotionally absent people, unsupportive relationships, narcissists, and self-focused mothers aka “Lemon Moms.”

          What’s a Lemon Mom? A Lemon Mom may be on the narcissism spectrum or may have full-blown, diagnosable Narcissistic Personality Disorder. She lacks the capacity to bond with her children, and they grow up feeling “not good enough,” confused, unloved, misunderstood, unimportant, or invisible, that they “don’t matter” or have no influence. As adults they continue disliking, ignoring, or neglecting themselves, taking unnecessary risks, and being attracted to people who aren’t good for them. They minimize themselves so that others can feel good, and they stay in hurtful relationships, and put themselves last, if at all.

          On this site, diagnoses are irrelevant! If someone’s personality traits negatively impact your life or cause you pain, that’s what’s important to realize and change.

          You don’t need a professional diagnosis to determine a relationship is unhealthy, or make positive changes for yourself.

          I wrote the book “Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism” (and the rest of the Lemon Moms series) to safely walk others through the chaos and confusion of narcissistic behavior; what it is, what it does, and how to recover from its devastating effects. I include personal examples and action-oriented steps that you can start taking today. I teach how to decode crazy-making behavior, and use healthy skills and strategies to begin healing so you can move forward into your best life.

          The information provided here is based on my education, professional and personal experiences with domestic violence and abuse, my personal healing journey, and lots of current research.

          I hope you enjoy reading and learning what’s here. I especially hope that you celebrate your progress and keep moving forward in your own healing journey.

          I urge you to do the work.

          Diane Metcalf

          Read more

          In a non-nurturing relationship?

          Free Email Survival Course

          Weekly lessons, strategies, and homework to start you moving forward from the effects of hurtful or toxic relationships, dysfunctional thinkers, and Lemon Moms.

          Private Facebook group included for members only.

          Register Here!
          Free 8-week email Survival Course

            I respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

            Please share!

            Reading time: 2 min

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