The Toolbox
  • THE TOXIC UNDO
  • Books
  • FREE
  • Self-talk
  • Contribute
  • Earn Cash
THE TOXIC UNDO
Books
FREE
Self-talk
Contribute
Earn Cash
The Toolbox
  • THE TOXIC UNDO
  • Books
  • FREE
  • Self-talk
  • Contribute
  • Earn Cash
Browsing Category
Archive
Boundaries•C-PTSD•Codependency•Self Care

The Journey

walking
January 1, 2019 by Diane Metcalf, MS No Comments

“Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn’t you- all of the expectations, all of the beliefs – and becoming who you are.” -Rachel Naomi Remen

Did you know that much of our healing from any hurtful event depends on our attitude? How we feel about ourselves and our choices impacts our healing ability.

If we didn’t form a strong sense of self as children, we can easily grow up to be followers. We may develop a “black-and-white” (all or none) thinking style because we weren’t allowed (or haven’t had the opportunity) to learn and develop critical thinking skills. Sometimes the very idea of making a decision can cause us to feel anxiety or fear. We may give up our personal power and let others make decisions for us in order to relieve that anxiety or fear. Of course, handing over our personal power to someone can temporarily free us from the fear of making a poor (or wrong) choice, but avoiding decision-making altogether can become our default. Ironically, not making a conscious decision is still a form of making a decision, one that’s based on avoidance or not taking action. The consequences of the choice will still naturally occur, whether we choose to take responsibility for them or not. When we’ve handed over our personal power to another, for any reason, we become “people-pleasers,” and this is the beginning of codependency.

Codependent people find it easier to remain in one-sided, emotionally hurtful, unsupportive, non-nurturing relationships than non-codependent people do.

eerie-150x150 The Journey

Codependency was first identified over a decade ago, the result of years of researching the interpersonal relationships of alcoholics. Codependency is a set of maladaptive coping skills that affect one’s ability to have healthy, mutually satisfying relationships. It can be a learned behavior passed down through generations. Unaddressed, unhealed codependency lends itself nicely to all kinds of unhealthy adult relationships involving alcoholism, substance abuse, and mental illnesses (including narcissism).

The key to healing from this unhealthy way of thinking and behaving is to learn how to identify codependent thoughts and behavior and make the necessary changes. We can’t fix or heal another person, but we CAN control what and how we see the world and think about it. If you’re codependent, start working to heal your codependency.

Tools:

  1. Keep it simple: simple solutions are often the most effective. Look at what’s really happening. Stay away from the “what if’s.” Take a rational, gradual approach to solving problems instead of allowing fear or panic to take the lead.
  2. Respond rather than react. (Homework: look up the difference and try responding the next time you have the opportunity. See how it feels)
  3. “Let go,” emotionally detach. Let go of trying to control things that you cannot control. Let go of people, what they said or didn’t say, what they did or didn’t do. Let go of expectations. Let go of controlling the outcome.
  4. Let yourself observe and just be surprised.

Until next time, here’s to all of our continued emotional growth and prosperity!

Diane

Facetune_06-05-2021-18-24-57-150x150 The Journey

As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, Diane Metcalf developed strong coping and healing strategies. She happily shares those with those who want to learn and grow in their own recovery journies. 

Diane is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on narcissism, family dysfunction, and abuse. She draws from her personal childhood experiences, as well as her work in human service fields like domestic violence and partner abuse. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Master of Science in Information Technology.

Her transformational books about healing and moving forward include the highly praised “Lemon Moms” series. This emotionally supportive collection explains narcissistic traits and teaches how to reconcile past hurts to begin self-nurturing, healing, and moving forward.

See what’s new on DianeMetcalf.com

Learn about the Lemon Moms series: Lemon Moms

This website is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.

Read more

Please share!

Reading time: 2 min
Would You Like to Help Support the Toolbox?

Tip Jar
Do You Have Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome?

FIND OUT HERE

Coming 2023

Topic: How to identify toxic, unsupportive, narcissistic, and non-nurturing people, and what to do if you’re in a relationship with one.

Sign up for exclusive access to progress, info, contests, surveys, and the launch team,
and be among the first notified when the book is available! (Title and cover subject to change.)

Join the Waitlist

Recent Posts

  • Reclaiming Our Power: Moving Beyond Victimhood After Relational Trauma
  • Lack of Empathy: A Big Red Flag
  • Starting Fresh Requires Looking Back
  • Does Your Self-talk Need a Makeover?
  • Breaking Free from Shame: Overcoming the Lies of Narcissistic Trauma Bonding

Older Posts

  • March 2023
  • February 2023
  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • August 2022
  • July 2022
  • June 2022
  • May 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
  • January 2022
  • December 2021
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • May 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019

Categories

  • Anger
  • Books
  • Boundaries
  • C-PTSD
  • Codependency
  • Cognitive Dissonance
  • Detaching
  • Gaslighting
  • Healing Affirmations
  • Isolation
  • Narcissism
  • Resources
  • Scapegoating
  • Self Care
  • Self-talk
  • Shame
  • Trauma
  • Well-being

© 2023 DianeMetcalf.com | All Rights Reserved 
 

 

We use cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Cookie settingsI'd love some cookies!
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are as essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
SAVE & ACCEPT